To be so over my tight, selfish DH every birthday

[IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise]

I turned 57 yesterday. Birthday was a text from husband saying sorry for using last of milk, whoops happy birthday, kids up late, a card eventually. No card from DH, bottle of Lidl wine and a bunch of flowers. Booked dinner out for tonight but cancelled because DH work, rebooked for tomorrow, having had ‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

FB scrolling tonight I see a string quartet Coldplay concert by candlelight, not too far away, in an old priory, say ‘ooh, I’ve found a birthday pressy’ and his response was ‘hmph, not my sort of thing’..then ‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I fucking love Coldplay but will ever be able to afford to see them live, I thought this would be a lovely evening and cheapest tickets are £21 each.

Am I being stupid and unreasonable to just fucking want to be spoilt for one fucking birthday? My family have always been hard up so I’ve not had one birthday where it feels like a celebration.

I know this is first world problems, but am I being unreasonable to want to feel the centre of the world for ONE day?

If you were my friend I'd go with you (and i can't stand Coldplay 🤣). Get on your phone now and get a girlfriend or two to go (cocktails beforehand obvs)- lifes too short for shit birthdays and your dh isn't going to change is he.

Why disappointed?

You HAVE to go to the concert!

Go on your own if you haven't anyone else to ask - would either of your kids go?

Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself and waiting for someone to take you - get that ticket booked.

This, 100%.

Don't be taken in by his excuses, op. You deserve better. No matter your weight or looks!

Would it be better to be by yourself and happy than in this relationship?

Buy at least one ticket.

Tart yourself up and get yourself some flowers delivered. (What go you mean you didn't send them, DH?) Treat yourself to a slap up meal and enjoy yourself.

Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated and I can guarantee that someone else will notice you. Let it slide and everyone else will assume that's all you deserve.

57 is your prime. And if he doesn't like it, tough. He's had more than his chance.

Why are you still with him?

The kids are older and he is a shit, so why?

‘well, I’m not bothered, but if YOU REALLY WANT TO’.

He said this about YOUR birthday?? The bloody nerve of him!! He can be unbothered about his own damn birthday. It’s not up to him to dictate that about yours.

What date and time is it @IAmMyUtterLackOfSurprise is it in the town centre itself?

I've taken to doing a lot more solo if I can't get a friend to come as my DH is happy sitting on the sofa far too much.

Id book 2 tickets and say you'd prefer him to come but you'd look for a friend if he's that unwilling.

If it weren't in Northampton I'd be there with bells on. And that's cheap. Take a friend, have a good night out.

1. Buy a ticket for yourself for the Coldplay thingy (2 if you have a friend who would enjoy it)
2. Get up early tomorrow and play Viva la Vida loudly on repeat, joining in the oh-oh-oh oh-oh oh bits with enthusiasm. Dance while you're singing.
3. Stop making a big deal of his birthday and plan more treats for yourself for yours. Its shit and you deserve better.

Very good point.

Definitely go to the concert. Stay over somewhere glamorous. Go solo or invite a friend...
But absolutely take that bottle of 30 year old Scotch with you.

The value of being appreciated on your birthday doesn't go down by your age. You shouldn't expect less at 57 than at 20. He's failed here, massively.

‘what, instead of dinner? What did you get me?’ (30 yr old scotch, dinner out with wine and a book actually’.

I hope you said this to him. And all the rest. There’s an element of passivity to posts like this that I can never understand.

Your kids could do better too, they're adults. I'm sorry your birthday was crap. As others have said, book tickets for yourself and do the same every year. Going forward, I would put as much effort into their birthdays as they do to yours.

they always have excuses because they literally cannot be arsed to do something nice for your birthday. And this is the sucker punch...he does not care enough to do anything at all. He is telling you that you are not sufficiently important for him to make the smallest fucking effort. Do you get this? You, how you feel, your birthday, he does not think you are worthy of a present on your birthday.

Is Christmas much of the same or is it “just” your birthday they’re all shit?

Your kids are old enough to get you a decent gift to be honest. When I was that age I stil bought my mum nice gifts. I actually put money aside from my student loan to do so as I hadn’t found a job at uni yet in first year. £ isn’t important but it was important to me that the gift I gave her actually was something I’d thought about and wanted her to like and enjoy, not just something I’d grabbed from Asda in a rush on the way back from uni at the weekend.

Your husband is shit. Honestly, you need to set the bar higher. You mention loving Coldplay- there’s no reason at all why this man couldn’t save up and take you to one of their gigs. I know the tickets are hard to get, but it’s the fact he hasn’t even tried.

Stop making effort with his birthdays. He wants to give you something lazy with no effort, you do the same. Next year he can get a box of milk tray and the cheapest card you can find, and that’s being generous.

Save the money you would have spent on him and spend it on yourself.

And if Christmas is the same as birthdays, I’d very much be reconsidering what you give the lot of them.

He does sound shite but the thought of coldplay, let alone a string quartet version, would be my hell 😂

You have to go to the concert OP.

Aww gosh OP. You don't need to be younger,slimmer etc. You need to build up your confidence because your miserable DH has made you feel like shit. So - I would start by booking yourself that ticket, treat yourself to a nice new lipstick or whatever, and get yourself out there. Do something for you😘.

"I think you'd be disappointed" 🤔

Why? Just because you were? What a huge and bizarre assumption to make!

OP, book the concert, solo or with a friend and have your lovely evening.

And make this the turning point in your relationship/life - you matter, your happiness matters - if your DH won't do better for you, do better for yourself, he doesn't have to approve!

And Happy Birthday! 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊

This. Horrible selfish man.

If he's going to have a face on you'd be better off going alone and enjoying it his presence would only ruin it for you.
Happy birthday hopefully you can do something you enjoy.