Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

[bubblemaze]

I know times have changed a lot lately and parents who had children who are now young adults are finding that those children have reached adulthood but aren't able to fly the nest so are staying in the parents home.
We don't know how society will be in 25 years.

What do you imagine for the future generations? Are people thinking about starting a family looking at permanently being financially responsible for their children, a lot of parents say they wouldn't charge their adult children to live in their own home but could be living with them for the rest of their lives?

I'm trying to imagine what having a family will look like for our generation.

I would still have them, yes.

My preference is that they’ll thrive independently but still want to visit lots etc. they’ll always be welcome.

But if they need to be at home then we’ll be here for them. I won’t still be doing their meals, laundry etc though.

My parents house / childhood home is like that ( German ) it's over three storey's.
They converted the second and third floors into two bedroom flats when they first bought it when they got married, which they've always rented out.

My oldest is autistic and I always knew he wouldn't ever move out. I joke about building an adam annexe if we owned our own house

I think I would prefer it tbh. I felt pressured to move out and my room was gone the second I did. I'd hate my kids to feel that way. My mother is getting old and needs support and it's such a burden popping over to help when I have kids it would be so much easier if she was already in my house! Cost less to the tax payer in Carer's too. Plus if I'd felt welcomed at home maybe I'd be willing to do more for her out of love rather than duty.

If my kids contribute we could afford something big enough for them to start their families before moving out. I'd get to care for grandkids and save them a fortune. And as I have a disabled son who may never leave home as he will always need supervision/support but should grow out of needing the physical care sometime it solves a lot of problems for us if he could just stay in the family home and contribute however he is able and happy to.

My only concern would be for women. Oppressed by their in-laws. Burdened with caring roles they do not wish to have, I mean I'm willing but that's my choice it won't be everyone's. If the men are not pulling their weight with housework? Fuck that. If we had plenty of group living situations for single women who don't wish to live with family that would be awesome. I guess for men too to be fair but separate or some mixed not all

@OneTooFree I loved these houses...mine was also three storey with a huge self contained flat on the top floor, and also a massive basement with outdoor entry, with 4 big rooms and a tiny bathroom (two of which were a kind of 'teenage annex' space with a small bathroom). My eldest had this set up as a bedroom, seating/games area and bathroom, which was great for her when she started college 🤣

God I miss that house!!

I find it bemusing that it isn't just a financial reason - it seems that some people just do not seem to WANT to move out

It is not just financial
I know people who COULD easily move out - I know two ladies in their twenties who are on the higher end of earners and still live at home with their parents (and the parents actually have a much lesser income). Ones actually a company director and her parents are pensioners.

Resentments build up on all sides
I just do not understand that - I think it is suffocating as an adult / and unhealthy dynamic of aging parents feeling they need to parent all the time.

Going out of the house as a high earning business director, but having to explain to parents where you are going - and yes it does happen as there is not the automatic cut of point between parenting a child and an adult: People cannot figure out how to adapt to emerging adult / parent relationships as their isnt the clear cut of point of them becoming fully fledged independent

Also in the case of the two ladies I know - they have a higher income than their parents however the parents are allowing them to stay at home free / very cheaply. One pays nothing and the other pays £15 a week. I mean come on - how much more do they actually want from their parents at this stage.

There is a thread on here about a mum who is sick of cooking for her adult son . - you can see how resentments may build up.

Parents might rather the young adult moved out, but feel guilty feeling this way and feel resentful that they are not enjoying retirement or their later years instead of having to give a free or cheap ride to a perfectly capable adult. They might feel resentful that their retirement pot is being eroded

Having adult kids at home changes a persons life style, some older adults have a sense of adventure and may have wanted to travel or spend time with their other half but this is pushed on to the backburner

I dont think its healthy for anyone to be honest

My mid-late 20-something DDs both live at home. I can’t see them moving out in the near future. Both did live away for university and work abroad.

I really enjoy my son's company he is 28 and came back after Uni. He is getting married next year and I would have his partner move in if we had the room. It's like having a good friend live with you.

I never want my children to move out. If I could I'd have a huge house and I'd have the grandparents there too. I think other cultures have this right but I do have a great family

Not really, I come from a culture where multi-generational living was common. It’s not so common now. It’s incredibly stressful, theres a lack of privacy, most people I know don’t enjoy it. 100% wouldn’t want to live with my parents or in-laws. It’s quite hard to shift to an adult to adult relationship. Also many a woman has been ground down by care for others continuing way past the time she should have been able to put her feet up.

However I would absolutely never chuck my DD out (assuming normal behaviour obviously).

I don't live with my parents because it's not in my best interests to do so. Not everything is about finances (for me - luckily). If it was in my best interests, they would have me in a heartbeat.

And yes I do think that parents should put their 38 year old child above themselves. They brought that person into the world.

I wouldn't mind at all if our kids lived with us forever. I'd expect them to contribute to the running of the house but they do that already as a teen and adult anyway. We have a big house which helps as everyone can get their own space.

I'm sure they'll move out at some point as they'll want to but I hope it's when they've saved a big house deposit as it makes life easier. Well be helping them with that too when they want to leave.

Yes but surely by the age of 38 they’re well able to support themselves, absent any health issues. I think you can stop pulling out the “you brought me into the world” card at 38! Otherwise when does it stop?

It wouldn’t bother me if they stayed for a long time / forever. I’m not sitting around desperate for them to fly the nest

I wouldn't be closed to the idea. Got a long way to go until that point mind. As long as they are paying their way and living as adults in the household then I don't think I'd be too bothered.

I would. I'd probably want a bigger house though. I'd also not want to be the one doing everything - cooking for example would have to be done on a rota. My eldest has moved out but I'm a single parent and the house is pretty quiet, often a bit too much.

This

If the kids don’t move out, the parents have the option to move out, just saying!

So you keep them until they save a big deposit. Does it work that way if you are renting a 2 bed flat and would be financially better off downsizing

I have 2 in their 20s, (1 with a child) and a teenager. I'm dreading when they start moving on. Love having a full house, always someone to help with something, and loads of laughing. And having a grand child makes it even better.

I’ve friends who got married and moved from their parents home to their husbands family homes. Muslim and Sikh. They still live with in-laws 20 plus years later. Ive a non-religious friend who did the same, from her family farm to her in-laws family farm. Her brother and his wife stayed at her family farm.

Multigenerational living is common all over the world.

it should never stop according to @cosyleafcafe

So you keep them until they save a big deposit. Does it work that way if you are renting a 2 bed flat and would be financially better off downsizing

@Gogogo12345 What's your problem? I was talking about our own circumstances, not judging what anyone else should do. I clearly said we have a big house which helps. We don't have to downsize.

I'm not interested in what anyone else decides to do. Not sure what your issue is. If you're unhappy/struggling, try not to take it out others.

Yes.

It's looking like it might be a struggle for mine to move out due to how expensive housing is now unless you have an inheritance to help them. So long as they pay their share of the rent and bills they can stay. Our main issue is we are over crowded. My 24 and 18yo are currently sharing a room.