Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

[bubblemaze]

I know times have changed a lot lately and parents who had children who are now young adults are finding that those children have reached adulthood but aren't able to fly the nest so are staying in the parents home.
We don't know how society will be in 25 years.

What do you imagine for the future generations? Are people thinking about starting a family looking at permanently being financially responsible for their children, a lot of parents say they wouldn't charge their adult children to live in their own home but could be living with them for the rest of their lives?

I'm trying to imagine what having a family will look like for our generation.

I honestly don't know. My eldest has additional needs including learning disability which means she's likely to either live at home long term or we might part fund her living elsewhere.

I'd hope we can afford a home where we all have our space, she has significant independence and she pulls her weight so I don't get resentful. If not...

Only for a daughter. If it is a son, I will make him pay the whole household bills and organise his life to such organised way that there won't be issues if he brings a wife. But for a daughter I would be completely more lenient. I know how hard financially it was for me when was young and unmarried.

Also if the daughter is very shy, sensitive and a homebody and is not one of these sassy ladies who know how to get out and just do what everybody else, does. I would happily have her home and when her father dies, will just make her co-owner of the property and help her understand the outgoings ....etc....these are all potential replies and randomly taken but yes, for a son - no. For a girl - yes and with much additional support also

Ah yes and I would love it. They are fantastic company. To pp who have small children it's nothing like!
We have plenty of space and could easily accommodate them. The only downside would be the fact that if they were here because they had no choice.
In fact both DC have bounced back a couple of times since leaving uni for a year or a few months and it worked well.

I'm not talking about specific situations which might prohibit it.

I mean that the sentiment should be there.

If you're going to bring someone into the world and they need somewhere to stay and you are able to provide that, why wouldn't you?

They only exist because of you.

Why would you treat a daughter differently to a son?

Mine could stay forever tbh. My adult child moved back in a while ago. We all rub along well

I would be more than happy with this set up. I know it’s not like everyone but I really love being around my kids and the idea they could live hours away from me makes me cry. I might change my mind once we have gone through the teenage years…ask me again in 10 years 🤣

My Granny refused to live with her MiL or mother, my other granny swapped her MiL with another relative and moved her mother in. Neither of them ever wanted to live with their adult kids. My mother is the same and I'd imagine Id struggle with my adult kids and their partners in my house long term.
Multi generation living maybe common, but it's not easy.

NFW (mine have all moved out!)

If you’d told me in advance that my kids would live at home forever then no I probably wouldn’t have had them

Not because I’d hate to live with them that long, but because it would presumably mean they weren’t capable of living independently for some reason. And whilst that is always a risk of having kids it isn’t something I would knowingly choose in advance.

In my culture @cosyleafcafe kids are actually expected to do everything for their parents because age is the ultimate trump card!

Do you have kids? I can't imagine someone with a son and a daughter treating them differently like this without it causing massive resentment. It's unfair.

Well two of my children have additional needs so will be living with me all my life. I can't say it fills me with joy to think I'll be a carer forever.
For my NT DD who's 18, she's been saving for a year already, I don't think I'd want her here forever and don't think she'd want to live with me forever.
I obviously wouldn't be without my DC but not sure I would have had them if I knew they'd be at home for life.

Yes, if she was like my brother and I were. My brother was always supported by my family and to this his kids are looked after. He was given friends names of companies and good jobs from my father's business relations. I was told to go and get married and after uni all support ended. To this day. I am glad the thread is all about potential events but our way of thinking has a background ...of course then, if my son was the same as this potential daughter, they I would have to keep them both home and work beyond retirement age and consult a great lawyer

Hell yes. I'm only at peace when my son is under my roof. He can stay forever ❤️

Nothing should be expected of children that did not ask to be brought into the world. Parents owe their children, not the other way around.

It wouldn’t be a problem for me at all. One of my kids is autistic so might never move out after university etc which is fine as I like and love him. I like my kids and would be happy to have multigenerational living to help them out. That’s what it is to be a family.

Unless a child had serious disability I'd not expect them to still be living at home in their early 20s. I'd be making sure they either got a good education and went to Uni for a employable degree and then got a graduate job, so would in all likelihood move away from home town (as there are no decent jobs around here anyway), or stay at home to go to college to get a skill/trade, so again could be working and earning so as to be able to leave home in their early 20s. I'd be having serious words from the start of the teenage years to "point" them in the direction of taking education/training seriously enough so that they'd be working and earning and paying their own rent by early 20s and if they showed no signs of doing so, then I'd be making it clear they'd be expected to move out by that age whether working or not. There's no way I'd have a child who was capable of working and earning a decent living from bumming around at home being subsidised by us! We both have a massive work ethic and that was well and truly passed onto our son, who is indeed working away and paying his own way, only coming home for occasional visits. It's not healthy to have adult children living at home if they're capable of working and living independently. It's not good for them and not good for the parents! I certainly don't want my son to have been staying living at home just to look after us in our old age - why ruin his future by holding him back like that!

What I am saying is: if a child is healthy and independent, they will want to live away. There are some people though, who are just very gentle and some with needs. It will depend on all of that. But no, I am not against my kids being with me forever. However if they are capable of paying, they will have to pay the lot. If not, I will do it. I come from a culture, where the two , sometimes 3 generations pull together and life goes on. I have seen it, lived it. etc

Yes I would have…..my 3 are grown and flown now but all 3 of them have returned home at various stages….my Dd came with her own 2 kids…..we’ve also said you have a home here whenever you need it…..I like it when they are here…..I like it when they aren’t here

Yes. I can’t bear the thought of DS going off to Uni soon, or that either of my DC may not return home after Uni and may live in another part of the country to me. Breaks my heart.

I get this…
.my 3 are 30s and 20s ….every night before I go to sleep I check when they were last on WhatsApp…. When any of them are under my roof at night I don’t need to do this and sleep more soundly for it

Truthfully I’d want a lot more space if I thought they were staying that long, but I’d never turn them away.

What you have sometimes are people who are not struggling intellectually to have a job and make ends meet but do very bad choices and end up living on benefits or in their parents home or with friends etc and one day, it dawns on them they have to grow up and suddenly they stop going out, save up, buy a little home and are no bother to anyone. But all sorts happen to all sorts of people. Shall I shove my kids forcefully out if I know there have one or more struggles ? - It is not me and it is not my style.