Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

[bubblemaze]

I know times have changed a lot lately and parents who had children who are now young adults are finding that those children have reached adulthood but aren't able to fly the nest so are staying in the parents home.
We don't know how society will be in 25 years.

What do you imagine for the future generations? Are people thinking about starting a family looking at permanently being financially responsible for their children, a lot of parents say they wouldn't charge their adult children to live in their own home but could be living with them for the rest of their lives?

I'm trying to imagine what having a family will look like for our generation.

Yes definitely. I like bed having my children at home and missed them when they moved out.
In some cultures it's the norm for different generations to live together.

It’s not what I want but I’d still prefer that to never having kids.

I do have a kid that will never move out due to his disabilities.

I wouldn't have kids at all no.

You are responsible for bringing them into existence. So yes. Of course.

That doesn't mean they don't have to do their part, contribute, etc. And the truth is that most young people do want to move out and be independent anyway.

But of course you should be happy to live with someone who you literally put on this planet.

In theory I am happy for my children to stay forever.

In practice, our house, which was fine when they were younger, is getting too small for 4 adults, 2 of whom work at home.

So I think the multi-generational living is only practical if you have a big enough house :)

Depends on the kids as people. We have one and hope she lives with us forever!

I'm only half joking. We are saving so that when she settles down and starts looking for a place to buy and start a family, we can move very close by and be on hand for loads of childcare. I know not everyone can afford to or wants to do that, and planning that is very different to managing a late 20s child that can't work or doesn't realistically stand any chance of starting their own life.

No I wouldn't, I wouldn't say I'm in a hurry for them to leave and to be honest when they become adults and can drive/have a car then they'll be pretty self sufficient anyway.

I'd draw the line at them living here with partners though and wouldn't want to even imagine having grandchildren here permanently.

I moved in and out of my parents house many times between 18 and 30. I'm quite prepared for DS to do the same. As long as he helps out around the house and pays his way.

Until you have adult children living at home: you will NEVER understand how stressful this is!

Most of the adults I know don't live with their parents.
I think it's reasonable to assume that you would have children who would leave home and make their own way at some point. I really hope that my kids will be able to do that sometime soon.

I think if I was told that they would be living with me forever, I would still have had them, but would be deeply regretting that now that they are teens.

I have no problem at all living with my adult children. I've done so at various points and with their partners and DC in tow too, and would cheerfully do so again. It was fun, companionable and very cost effective. That said, outside of the SE and other expensive areas, there's no need to think it will become an obligatory thing. Where I live housing is affordable on average wages. I'm also not sure why you are linking muti generational living with financially supporting your adult DC? Allowing them to live at home saves them housing costs, but they can pay their way so youre not out of pocket. In fact if everyone is chipping in, you're better off.

In a London house and with all of us WFH, it's difficult. I don't take any rent though.

In my menopause, I really do want some space of my own and I can't imagine living with my MIL, as many of my friends do because: culture!

I've said this before on here but I don't understand the angst about renting. I'm in London and both my DCs (mid 20s) rent. It's done them the world of good to move out and manage their own lives. A lot of other countries rent all their lives, there isn't the pressure to buy. Mine will buy eventually but this is a step towards that.

No need for an ND 30 year old to be living at home, if they're working. I wouldn't want that for my kids, even though we get along really well and go on holiday together, out for meals etc. We all need our own space.

I'd happily live with ds as long as he wants to be at home. What I couldn't manage would be him living at our home with a wife and child as well.

And many people living in the average family home won't have the space.

This.

Mine are 21 and (almost) 18 and they're a joy to be around. They pick up after themselves, (mostly 😏) and pull their weight (when asked).

We've never had any trouble with them. I imagine dd1 will be living here for at least another 10 years, she's autistic so not like the average 21 year old. DD2 will possibly want to move out in her early 20s, whether she'll be able to is another matter.

We don't mind having them living at home. I moved out when I was 16 so never really experienced living with my parents as an adult.

I think having kids is largely a heart over head decision and there's a strong biological drive. I had babies because I was desperate to have babies and that wouldn't change.

Any child can turn out to have additional needs. Whether they do or not, it's important to allow the relationship with your children to change into a more adult-adult one as they grow. I think sometimes families who are more used to intergenerational living are better at this than Western families who presume kids will move out by their early 20s.

Yes I love mine being around but we have the finances and space to support them for as long as they need. If you didn’t then it would be difficult.

Thank you so much for the replies and the honesty. It's interesting to hear some different perspectives and experience.

I have adult children living at home. I even have one child's partner living here. I have a fairly small 3 bed house. At one stage I had 4 adult kids living here. Two of them just had to share a room and I used the dining room as my bedroom. It's always been fine. Certainly less stressful than when I had 5 young children.

See I don't believe a parent should have to use a dining room as a bedroom. I don't want their partners living with me either.

I've never minded. It's just how it's always been. Although, now I've fewer folk here, I have my own room for the first time in about 30 years which I do enjoy. Anyone extra who needs to stay here, has the sofa bed in the dining room now.

How do or did you have sex @Lessstressedhemum if I may ask?😉30 years to have your own room!

Honestly, probably not. I don’t expect them to move out at 18 but I’d expect them to be living independently by 25 at the latest.

I love my children but I also love my husband and we cannot be the couple we want to be when they are around. It’ll only worsen when they are older and we have less 1:1 time as they’re up all hours!

you’d also end up with their partners being over and things like that which I don’t want.

my home is my sanctuary and I enjoy having it to myself.

Past the point where I'm 'responsible' for her (I will admit to being kind of done with having someone to look after) I genuinely don't mind whether she stays or moves out as long as she's happy. She's autistic but getting more independent all the time and I'm confident she will be able to move out one day but she's pretty easy to live with so I'm in no rush and don't think I'd mind if it never happened, again as long as she was happy.