Would you have children if you knew they may never move out?

[bubblemaze]

I know times have changed a lot lately and parents who had children who are now young adults are finding that those children have reached adulthood but aren't able to fly the nest so are staying in the parents home.
We don't know how society will be in 25 years.

What do you imagine for the future generations? Are people thinking about starting a family looking at permanently being financially responsible for their children, a lot of parents say they wouldn't charge their adult children to live in their own home but could be living with them for the rest of their lives?

I'm trying to imagine what having a family will look like for our generation.

It wouldn't ve my first choice, but yes, I'd be fine with it if my dcs stayed with us. As long as they behaved like adults and not like some of the young adult children I read about on here!

There's never any guarantee your children will leave home though, is there?

It depends on the risk and the set up. If the cultural climate turned to one where multiple generations live in a big enough house and all contribute with chores and finances, I'd be happy with that. I'd gladly do a few days of childcare for future grandchildren in exchange for support in my older age, and I'd gladly cook for extra people in exchange for having a night where other people cook for me. This is provided that we also have our own time and everyone gets along, not continuing a child-parent relationship where I financially support and clean up after an unemployed grown up man.

DD has mild SEN so everything takes a bit longer, I don’t mind her being here, I hope she gets more independent and we can go away and leave her though.
DHs mother hated that he left home and wanted him to stay forever or live on the same street. He moved hundreds of miles away instead.

All 3 of mine have lived at home as adults sometimes 1 or 2 of them…..and once all 3 of them and also with a GC…..I enjoy the chaos…..although lovely to have peace and quiet now and a tidy house…..i never found it mega stressful…..mind you they all paid their own way and shared cooking duties

Never

A good friend of mine has all sorts of mental health problems, he stayed at home as couldn't get a job. Now in his late 30s he essentially cares for and provides for his sibling and parent with their own (worse) problems. It worked for them.

I think having them stay until their early 20’s whilst working and saving for a deposit etc is one thing, but 30 year olds living at home with no interest or intention of flying the nest, I find odd. If it’s that common then why can’t a group of friends get together and rent a house and split bills? You can’t run before you can walk but at least you gain life expectancy and become independent.

If I met a man that lived at home at 30, I would be put right off. Id assume he’s got it cushy at home and his mam does everything for him!

But as I have said before on this forum, it's ok for me to leave and find a teensy place of my own, right? Both my DC are NT.

Jesus. No. No way.

I do not want 40 year old children still living in my house like teenagers. I would not sign up 'forever'. Fortunately I won't have.

I mean, I'm not here for an argument.

I'm just saying that any time you bring a child into the world, you take the risk that they could be born disabled, or become disabled, and will therefore be dependent on you for all their needs forever.

There's a fair number of people who have chosen to stay child-free (myself included) because it's just not a risk they're happy to take with their futures.

I think this is sensible. I chose to have DC in full knowledge of this, and it's worth the risk to me.

If it was a certainty then probably not although you can’t plan these things, there will always be a chance. I’m happy to sacrifice everything for my (small) children because, all being well, they will likely live independent lives one day and anything I miss right now will hopefully be available to me then. I suppose it’s because around kids (no matter their age) you’re in ‘mum mode’ and at some point I want to rediscover ‘me’. It’s tiring being a role model 24/7.

Yes @sunsetsandboardwalks fair enough. Mine aren't disabled or ND, so I am seriously thinking Dh and I may move out of London and find a tiny place elsewhere once we retire. I suppose that's a very odd solution, but I do want to live by myself alone/only with DH at some point in time.

yes of course i would.. it didnt even occur to me when i had children that they might never leave.. my home is their home, i tell my children that there will always be a place for them and if things ever got rough then they should simply 'come home'. they are my children!

but i also believe that children need to spread their wings, they need to be independant and they need to make their own decisions and mistakes.

i see over and over on MN where parents are still molly coddling their adult children, making decisions for them, paying for them and generally running their lives for them.

i lost my parents when i was very young, i never had anyone to run around after me, and i was determined that i would raise independant children also.

These things are always discussed and decided somehow without people taking the piss. If someone does take the piss, there are ways this to be stopped.

I don't think it's odd to want to do that at all - I know plenty of parents who downsized once their kids had left home!

I absolutely love the topic. Sometimes you see kids and you try to imagine their future. But as I worked as aupair and now with kids with SEN , this country is pretty good with sorting things like that out, right? Yes, I would have kids and no matter what happens, would grow to educate myself what the situation needs and model my life to suit what needs to be suited. My final reply here. Thank you for the wonderful thread.

I am also obsessed with this topic because honestly I couldnt wait to get away from home- even though my parents were decent- and it's very odd to me that intergenerational living is spreading from Asian cultures to other cultures.

I have to say I didn't imagine and plan adequately for my DC living with me in their early twenties. I am a bit torn between two cultures at the moment!

Yes - I’d actually love that! (I think).

I've assumed my children - one or some or all will be home longer than I was (I left home at 18) so at least mid twenties - would that have put me off having children....of course not. But I will be charging them rent if they are in full time paid employment

Yes I would. My kids are married with homes of their own, but if they'd never have moved out it wouldn't have bothered me at all.
My door will never be closed to my kids or grandkids.

Mine would be welcome for sure, as long as they were happy with that.

II believe that intergenerational living will become more common as the economy continues to struggle. The UK may move backwards. Both DP and I acknowledge the potential challenges of helping our children achieve full independence in the future. I am open to the idea of pooling resources with our children later on.

Yep, we're planning to let them live in the house in their 20s and rent out the other rooms to fund their lifestyles while we retire to our second home on the coast/travel around Europe in our motorhome.