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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on a 'surprise' forced holiday with MIL and 3 Nephews

407 replies

terracottafarm · 26/08/2024 19:52

Every Christmas, my MIL 'surprises' us with a weekend getaway, usually to a place like Center Parcs or a similar 'kiddie' destination. The trip includes my MIL, SIL, BIL, and their three children, all under the age of 8. My DH (29) and I (27) don't have children, and we enjoy our life as it is. I don't particularly enjoy these trips, especially since they involve taking 1-2 days of holiday to spend time in a child-centric environment. We have in the past tried to get out of it with annual leave but they always say just come Saturday and Sunday instead. (ARGHHH!)

We also have a dog, and these trips can be quite stressful for us because the kids wind her up, which drives us both crazy. While they are a lovely and supportive family, the idea of spending a weekend with three young children (who, if I’m honest, can be pretty annoying) isn't something I look forward to.

We've gone along with it for the past five years, but I feel like I just can't do it anymore. I know my DH feels similarly, but I'm the one who really dreads it. I'm not sure how to tell my MIL that I simply don't want to go this year without hurting her feelings. Also to note, we do not see his nephews a lot, maybe once every two months as we aren't interested in children. Awful I know!

AIBU to not want to do this anymore? And how on earth do I or DH approach this with my MIL? She is borderline obsessed with her grandchildren and will get upset...

OP posts:
Paganpentacle · 16/09/2024 10:45

UnnecessaryOwl · 26/08/2024 20:09

Some of the responses to these types of things are a bit mad. ‘It’s just a few days suck it up’…

Who on earth realistically goes on holidays they don’t want to go on, with people they don’t want to go with for the benefit of other people, sacrificing precious time and finances? Even if someone else is paying it’s still going to cost a fair whack for travel, food and activities etc. There aren’t enough hours in the day for many people as it is.

This.
I've opted out of family holidays... not my thing- other stuff I'd prefer to do.
Nobody died- nobody went NC.
Just say no.
Its really that simple.

Grammarnut · 16/09/2024 14:31

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2024 10:41

I loathe Center Parcs and don't go away with family at all - I promise I am not lonely and have plenty of substance to my life

Show quote history

I am happy for you. But family is important for many people and the connections of blood and marriage underpin the happiness of many. Also, duty is an unfashionable concept, I know, but life sometimes requires we do it.
I am lucky in having a very supportive family. My late DH's children look after me and sustain me. I am their step-mother and never brought them up, having married late DH when his children were adult - and he did not bring them up either, btw. The same applies to my own DC.

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2024 15:27

Grammarnut · 16/09/2024 14:31

I am happy for you. But family is important for many people and the connections of blood and marriage underpin the happiness of many. Also, duty is an unfashionable concept, I know, but life sometimes requires we do it.
I am lucky in having a very supportive family. My late DH's children look after me and sustain me. I am their step-mother and never brought them up, having married late DH when his children were adult - and he did not bring them up either, btw. The same applies to my own DC.

Edited
Show quote history

Supportive or dutiful?
I really hope that I am not a "duty" to my DC when they are older, any time spent with my Mum and in laws is was mostly because I actually wanted to.
Family can be important but not all families are equal, yours sounds lovely @Grammarnut but its sadly not the case for all of us so not all of us will go on holiday with these people that we may not like or who are actively awful in some cases.
My sanity and wellbeing trumps duty every time

Grammarnut · 17/09/2024 09:27

Hoppinggreen · 16/09/2024 15:27

Supportive or dutiful?
I really hope that I am not a "duty" to my DC when they are older, any time spent with my Mum and in laws is was mostly because I actually wanted to.
Family can be important but not all families are equal, yours sounds lovely @Grammarnut but its sadly not the case for all of us so not all of us will go on holiday with these people that we may not like or who are actively awful in some cases.
My sanity and wellbeing trumps duty every time

Show quote history

I don't think either SDC or DC see me as a duty, thank goodness. But a sense of duty underpins a love of family, I think. Yes, my family are lovely.

Hoppinggreen · 17/09/2024 10:05

I actually think that Duty can be very very harmful in some cases.
Duty can mean people put up with a lot of toxic and/or abusive behaviour.

VikingsandDragons · 27/12/2024 11:56

this thread popped to mind this morning - I hope you avoided the family holiday gift this year OP!

Daleksatemyshed · 27/12/2024 12:40

Good question, @terracottafarm have you resolved this or will you be condemned to CP again?

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