To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

What's better about it?

Just think it’s sad to not see your children very much. No amount of “thriving” can replace the amount of time you’re missing with them.

The reason I'm against it is that they never get a break from school. So if (for example) they have an argument with their best friend or are struggling to make friends or are just feeling a bit overwhelmed they have to stick it out until things get better.

I went, was miserable and feel the experience made me make some terrible choices in my teens and early twenties.

In my DH’s case, what went on was vicious, prolonged bullying which nearly broke him as a person. At one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the country, no less. And yes, I know bullying happens at state schools too, but at least you can escape it when you go home in the evenings, and your parents aren’t spending £45k a year for the privilege.

I went to boarding school and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I do hope they have changed and hope your children do well.

At my school the teachers were cruel, the bullying was endemic, we all had mental health issues and I learnt that neither my parents nor any other adult would be there for me.

I'm not fully against it.
But found it hard to understand when some families we knew sent their children at 8yo.

Seems a bit strange to make your kids board at a school that's only 20 minutes away. Why can't they just come home every day?

It's not that I particularly think anything "goes on", I just don't think it's in any child's best interest to spend so much time in an institution instead of their family home. And the many deeply troubled adults I know who boarded just cement that belief for me.

My dad went to boarding school and he’s still dealing with the trauma in his 70s.

While I hope they’re better than they used to be, children are still separated from their parents by being sent away from home for no good reason. They aren’t being brought up as part of a family in a day to day way. That’s what’s going on. I can’t imagine doing that to my children.

Just a bit of a weird choice I think. Why have children just to send them away?

I think they're separated from their family for extended periods of time and are parented by teachers/professionals rather than people who love them.

I can see the benefit if home life is very unstable

I feel like the fact you're so close is somehow much worse 😂🙈

And what is it about this school which makes them ‘thrive’ if they weren’t thriving at home? Would it not be possible for them to thrive there as day pupils?

I boarded for 6th form in the 80s and was desperate to go. Too much Mallory Towers and a rather difficult mother.

i was bullied and was miserable. I wouldn’t want to send my kids to board but I know a few people (military) who have and had circumstances been different we might have considered it.

I hate it because I went to one. It was awful being away from family and there was a lot of bullying and abuse going on. It has shaped me as a person but not in a good way. I wish I'd had a normal upbringing and I would never consider it for my children under any circumstances 😔

Absolutely 💯 this.

I hated every minute. I was sent to one of the top boarding schools and would have been far happier at a local comp or grammar. I've not kept in touch with anyone from school.

I have also found out subsequently that bullying was rife. Much of it sexual.

And one of the teachers has been done for inappropriate behaviour.

It’s not what happens at boarding school that is the problem: it’s what doesn’t happen. Namely, close regular (daily) interactions with their parents. Some part of a child shuts down to deal with that.

I just think it's really sad to send children away from home.

I can't understand why you would want to miss out on so much of their lives.

I'd have given my right arm to go to boarding school instead of my awful rough comp

Being separated from family and also the DRUGS. Not sure what age you're talking about but boarding schools are renowned for copious illegal drug use!

I'd say most of people I know as adults who went to boarding school are either alcoholics, have a drug problem, or a eating disorder

And that has undoubtedly skewed my opinion

Of course,. hopefully schools aren't quite as grim these days and don't cause as much trauma

To my cost, I know what goes on there. Horrible bullying.

Limited hone life with a loving family.

I hated every minute. I was sent to one of the top boarding schools and would have been far happier at a local comp or grammar. I've not kept in touch with anyone from school.

I have also found out subsequently that bullying was rife. Much of it sexual.

And one of the teachers has been done for inappropriate behavior

^

You could say this about any school, Boarding or otherwise