To ask you, if you despise boarding school, what exactly you think goes on there?

[RainyDaysAndMondaysNeverGetMeDown]

As the title says, if you are one of the many anti-boarding school parents on here, what exactly do you think happens to children at boarding school?

And yes, I am a parent of boarders, having sworn I'd never be.
But having seen how my DCs have thrived (in a school 20 minutes away!) I'm curious to see how much of the perception is reality.

I think that there were 3 reasons. First in this day and age of schools desperate to do well in league tables many are prepared to sacrifice the child for the stats. DDs well respected day school wanted her to drop music and take 10 GCSEs when she wanted to do 8 and practice in her spare time. That was not something the school wanted and we knew it would be even worse in the 6th form. Specialist music schools don't have that pressure as it is the conservatoire places that matter. TBH none of the other London days that offer music at A level were likely to do any better as they all chase the grades and would hammer a square peg into a round hole to get them. Secondly no local day school offered music so she was faced with continuing with a long commute on top of having to do Saturday in a conservatoire junior department to get the level of practical music tuition and collaboration she needed - boarding meant no commute and having her musical needs met fully at school with lots of on site high level extra curriculars in the week giving her more time to study and practice. Thirdly her day school had no experience of getting a pupil into a conservatoire - specialist music do it all the time. SO for her it was a no brainer. It was gutting to have to send her away and I missed her so much. It actually makes me quite angry that London has 4 junior conservatoires so you'd think between them they could set up and run a more nurturing secondary school or at least sixth form college for classical musicians along the lines that Brit School offer for popular music plus other arts.

This is what happens at Uni (or a job) so school kids certainly don’t ‘need’ boarding to acquire social skills and independence.

It’s all one big smoke screen - this ‘independence’ bullying doesn’t exist, my child begged to leave… perpetuated by people who 1. Make money, a LOT of money, in separating children from their families 2. Who quite frankly have Stockholm syndrome from their own time in boarding schools- a lot of boarding schools are staffed by people who went to them, sometimes even they same one…

Thanks for answering @Londonmummy66

It sounds like you had compelling reasons and of course at age 16 your child would have been much better equipped to deal with separation. I think in your circumstances I would possibly choose boarding too. I don't think any of the other posters on this thread have similarly compelling reasons, it's all smoke and mirrors with reasons such as the best education, extra curricular activities galore, strengthening independence, resilience and friendships. Boarding isn't the only way to achieve any of the above and that is why I'm broadly (unless there are specific reasons) anti boarding.

As per a previous post I strongly suspect the real reasons in many cases is elitism and convenience.

And as for sending your child to a boarding school 20 MINUTES away?? What the actual … that’s absolutely bizarre.

Wow, that is an eye-opener

Utterly insane.

Yet the effect of money in the equation unsurprising somehow once you think about it.

Thanks for sharing and sorry to hear you had those experiences.

Hey everyone, my DS FULL BOARDED!!!!! What do you think about that!!!!
20mins away from our home!!!!!!!
Luckily, I am happy enough that my children are not emotionally scarred, and we are a happy family. Slag me off as much as you want, I am happy and confident in our family decisions.
If people have any questions as to what full boarding is like, I am happy to answer any questions. There are clearly a lot of people on this thread who do not know about modern day boarding life.

Well since you asked I think its bloody awful and I would be asking myself why it took your children to leave home at an early age for you to be a "happy family" (which I doubt).
And IF your children ARE genuinely not emotionally scarred by being raised largely by people doing it for money then I agree, you are all very lucky.

It’s not a school in the north is it?

Bullying and awful behaviour is covered up at private schools in a way not possible in state schools - money and protecting the brand is all that the school/s care about … just as with any business. They hire PR and reputation management companies and lawyers to ‘handle’ incidents and issues rather than seeing the behaviour itself as the problem.

Yes.

There are many, many law firms specialising in education law who promise that most of their work is carried out ‘below the radar’…

You cannot underestimate the amount of money many of these schools are ‘worth’ and that money is definitely worth more to the school and the owners than your child’s welfare, mental health and safety.

That's so shocking, isn't it? Cash is king for these schools, as pp have said.

Maybe where my friend worked. Young girls partying with staff when she was there.

....and yet more who do, and are providing detail which is both upsetting and alarming.

@iamsoshocked The minority of pro boarding ppl on here keep coming on and asking about modern boarding - we all get it you can visit wheneve ryou like, kids go home all the time and phone all the time (so why bother board?), facilities are amazing, you don't have to do laundry or the school run, they make 'lifelong bonds" (like you do in prison) etc etc.

We all get that - we are all saying none of that negates from the proven negative lifelong psychological effects of boarding, which is why most of us wouldn't consider it. I also wouldn't consider it for reasons stated pages back that BS produces in the main crashing snobs and very conventional people who never dare deviate from their upper-class norm.

I'm glad it's worked out for your family for many, many others it doesn't.

Oh, that's par for the course with many private schools! And I've worked in a few boarding schools in the North.

As a houseparent, I was frequently the only sober member of staff on duty at night. SLT didn't care a jot when I reported it. And we often had worrying things happen overnight.

ETA: There's also the problem of unqualified or very young staff. Gap year students working as Houseparents. That blurs the lines. Or old staff who went through the system themselves, went to Oxbridge, then came straight back to the boarding school they went to or a similar school and have no idea or what is normal or appropriate in the "Real World".

@PerkyMintDeer wow. A major reason just there. I think the school she was at had been highlighted for safeguarding issues but nothing had changed. I’m sure there was something about the owner and young girls too. Gross.

The HOD I know, who is a house ‘mother’ was also brought up in the boarding system, she has never had a proper adult relationship and at the age of 30 started living at the school she’s in now. 20 years later, still there, and while probably a decent person she is by any definition very odd.
I think you have to be to agree to live at a school full time like that, she’s definitely institutionalised herself.

@Captainmycaptains I was going to say, she's completely institutionalised.

From that last sentence, it's a different school,

It's obviously less rigorous than the state system because they rely on unqualified and young staff. It's cheaper for them.

I wanted my sons to go to a specialised boarding school as weekly boarders. They needed the provisions that were offered there.

I think if they had gone there for their secondary education, they would have been much more likely to complete their education.

Well, @Londonmummy66 my friend's son was a finalist on Young Musician of The Year, and was a student at a non selective state school.
So I think it's possible to develop good musicianship and not live at a boarding school.

I, in my 30s, was paid less than minimum wage. Salaries were pretty nuts. Accommodation, gym/pool and food were "free"...but for that you were expected to be available 24/7 for most of the year (Summer Schools and residential "Experiences" during the holidays). And I already had a property,
a mortgage to pay and family and friends in the next town. All of that was frowned upon and discouraged. The schools were meant to be our life. It was cultish in some schools. Very odd atmosphere looking back and a world away from the life outside of the school grounds.

It was more like Camp America from a staff
perspective. Albeit in a pretty Hogwarts style environment.