unsolicited baby ultrasound photos - triggering?

[mumandmumber]

NC as could be outing.

Non pregnant friend who has had recent loss, fertility issues etc. checks in with newly pregnant friend to check all is well with pregnancy. Pregnant friend replies with the ultrasound photo.

AIBU to think the unsolicited visual is unnecessary and quite insensitive under the circumstances? (Note pregnant friend knows all the details of non pregnant friend’s history)

and

Anyone else find ultrasound photos particularly triggering?

You checked in on your pregnant friend. Of course she is going to share her exciting (to her) stuff with a friend who is asking.

I’m sorry it upset you, but you are the one being unreasonable.

I hope you said something nice to your friend like congratulations or “I’m glad the pregnancy is going well,” rather than blank the poor woman.

I do wish people wouldn’t - I don’t want to see anyone’s insides.

But I am guessing she forgot in the excitement of the moment. I can see it could be upsetting, but calling it triggering is pushing it isn’t it? - there are babies and baby stuff everywhere

I hope things come good for you soon

Pregnant friend was breathtakingly insensitive and thoughtless.

I’d advise non pregnant friend to take a big step back.

so the none pregnant friend checked in on the pregnant friend to see how they were doing and the pregnant friend sent a picture of the ultra-sound?

sounds perfectly normal and reasonable to me. the none pregnant friend opened the communication by asking, and i believe a normal response would be to send an ultra-sound?

yes you are being unreasonable...

What a nasty post.

You are not at all unreasonable, and anyone who says otherwise has absolutely no idea how painful infertility and pregnancy loss is. for you and I hope you have some supportive and understanding people around you

No because the friend asked after the baby, so totally normal

I would never send a scan photo to a friend who lost their baby. I don't understand why people feel the need to do this, but maybe I was just as thoughtless before I'd ever lost a pregnancy?
Of course it's upsetting.

Come on! You asked and it's normal to send a pic (though I didn't think anyone would be interested in an ultrasound so never shared that). She probably wouldn't have shared it if you hadn't specifically asked her how it was going.

Normal if you are specifically asked about baby stuff, not normal to do it outside this context.

@BabaYetu
Ofcourse i was supportive and positive and continue to be. Hence checking in with her each time I know there’s an appointment, scan etc.
I should add she has had some issues around fertility too, and has confessed to me to feeling triggered and upset herself by other friends pregnancy announcements or similar in the past, so I am surprised as I would have expected her to be more sensitive.
But i also appreciate it’s very exciting and hard not to share and I wouldnt say anything as I don’t want to taint her experience. I’m just sucking it up.

As you asked for an update I don't think it's awful she shared the photo it's quite a typical response. If she was really empathetic she would have checked first but she doesn't understand the impact. I say that as someone who has had fertility problems and finds photos a bit triggering. People who haven't been through it can't relate fully and she probably waited till you asked as she wasn't sure what to do. Don't lose a friendship over it

I think because the non pregnant friend asked about the pregnancy it was pretty natural for the pregnant friend to send the photos.

Why? The OP literally asked the pregnant friend how it was going and the friend replied with the photo - like a friend would.

If the OP doesn’t want to hear about the pregnancy (perfectly understandable) she shouldn’t text her friend and ask about it.

The poor friend was sharing exciting and happy news with someone she cares about who asked in the first place. She deserves a nice response, not OP pulling back from her.

I have experienced multiple miscarriages but I don’t take my hurt out on my friends. Especially those I started the conversation with.

OP, I understand that her pregnancy is distressing you, so don’t start text conversations about it if you don’t want to hear.

If non pregnant friend didn’t want to know anything she could have just not asked

I think in the circumstances you describe, it's fine, as the friend did ask about the baby and how the pregnancy was going.

I disagree, OP asked, replying with a photo is a ‘normal’ thing to do.

I’m sorry it was upsetting but if you initiate the conversation these things will happen.

I say this as someone who has never been able to get pregnant and never will now.

The non pregnant friend with the fertility issues and loss (assume miscarriage?) was doing a nice thing to ask the pregnant friend how she was doing.

I think it was unnecessary for the pregnant friend to send the ultrasound picture and I can see why she was upset. It was a bit thoughtless.

These friends talk very frequently, so it would have been quite strange to NOT ask how a crucial appointment went.

Asking after the friend who is pregnant can be quite different from wanting details of the pregnancy or baby.

She could have easily replied with how she was well, what she was doing or even that she'd had the scan without sending an unexpected image.

I’m sorry that you have experienced a loss, but if you’re checking in with her at every stage, you’re signalling that you’re ok with her pregnancy. You’re clearly not, and that’s absolutely to be expected!
I think perhaps you’re unintentionally sending her mixed messages. Maybe put some distance between both of you for a while. Take care of yourself xx

It was hardly unsolicited when you asked your friend how the pregnancy was going.

@Createausername1970 thank
you, non pregnant friend did/do ask, because she genuinely wants to check all is ok too

I think that as you asked, she probably thought you were ok to see the scan photo. If she's a good and caring friend usually, then don't think bad of her.

If she's usually an arse and uncaring, then don't have her as a friend.

I personally don’t think your friend was being insensitive, you asked how the pregnancy was, so I think her response was quite adequate. I guess she assumed that you being okay to ask her about it, you’re okay to hear about it, and I bet she just didn’t think her photo would be triggering.