unsolicited baby ultrasound photos - triggering?

[mumandmumber]

NC as could be outing.

Non pregnant friend who has had recent loss, fertility issues etc. checks in with newly pregnant friend to check all is well with pregnancy. Pregnant friend replies with the ultrasound photo.

AIBU to think the unsolicited visual is unnecessary and quite insensitive under the circumstances? (Note pregnant friend knows all the details of non pregnant friend’s history)

and

Anyone else find ultrasound photos particularly triggering?

Your friend will have to deal with that and presumably does. She complains to you about it, just as you’ve come to MN for support but ultimately even though it’s hard, it will be OK.

As far aa this situation is concerned, you asked how it was going, she answered in the form of a photo (which even you didn’t realise would hit hard). As I said upthread, on a personal level I’d find that easier than any detail, a photo where you can’t see anything which you can easily delete and send a generic ‘lovely’ message without any further need for conversation. You found it hard, so perhaps back off for a bit and take some space, if you find you’re triggered this way in future perhaps send her a message and explain if the friendship is valuable enough to you to want to maintain it.

I’m sorry for your losses and I hope that in some way you’re able to find a way through it all and move on from the hurting.

Just to say, I continuously ask pregnant friends how they are doing with pregnancy. Not once has anybody ever sent me a scan photo as a response.

i get that they are excited etc but you/your friend is not at all unreasonable in finding this triggering and I can definitely see it being upsetting in this situation. Even if the scan sender didn’t intend it to be in that way.

I think I have only ever seen baby scan photos on Facebook, and only by people in their 20s (so a long time ago for me!).

I wouldn’t even send a scan to people with kids already. I have two family members, one with 3 boys and one with 3 girls. Each tried for the third and last dc in the hope of a girl / boy respectively and each had another girl / boy.

It is strange OP. I commented earlier but one of your more recent comments reminded me of someone I know who lost a baby around the time I did and we we didn't stay in touch long after she became pregnant again as she was sharing too much detail about midwife appointments. I had asked how she was occasionally to show I cared but I thought she would realise I didn't want to hear about her pregnancy every day after what we both had been through but unfortunately some people are a bit oblivious. We were not close friends so it was easy enough to stop talking to her.