Alone on holiday

[RecoveringMillennial]

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

Really, a few drinks and he would stay with in case you were sick? Does he have anxiety issues? If not, that is not normal.

No. One too many is when you go from having a good time to being a bit stumbly when you walk. To go from having a good time to significant risk of sleep-vomiting is way more than just one.

Do you often drink to the point where you vomiting in your sleep is a legitimate concern for your husband? If so, you may want to reconsider your relationship with alcohol.

My husband would have woken me.

If he hadn't because I was exhausted or sick he would have brought me home food.

If the above two hadn't happened, he would have gone and got me food when I woke up OR walked with me to get some.

I know this because it has happened many, many times in our relationship.

All the "cool girls" on Mumsnet like to hammer anyone who likes chivalry and consideration from husbands, but personally I do think that kindness and acts of service are a huge part of a happy relationship.

I also do believe that walking anywhere at night poses a much higher risk for women than men and my husband acts accordingly.

The fact he didn't wake you is the issue here, what kind of fucking idiot would leave someone sleeping & just fuck off for dinner with the other couples -amazingly on this holiday there were two such twats.
The accompanying you for food thing is in all honesty a bit pathetic, how do you suppose single people cope? Nothing to do with being a 'cool girl' , it's a simple fact the literally thousands of women manage this.

I wouldn't let my DH go alone, not because he's a prince or helpless but because he's the most important person in my life and I love him.
That said I wouldn't have let him miss dinner or failing that, he'd have woken up to some beside snacks at the very least. Marriage is all about taking care of each other IMHO.

If they're in a resort where food is readily available, which it seems like they are, I don't think it's completely stupid to leave her sleeping (presumably she was really, really tired!) and think she can pick something up later. It seems she could have sourced food by walking five minutes up the road.

Just so odd. WHERE were you ?

DH not waking you up for dinner ?

but then you can’t manage to
feed yourself.

so maybe your DH was having a night off from the fuss.

he should have woken you up
but you should Be able to find food or wait till breakfast

If you wanted DH to accompany you this is absolutely reasonable. Does he have form for being selfish?

Depends where you are. I'd have tried to order food if it's easily available.

You’d go out with your skin full of sweat and sun cream from a day in the sun?

Erm….ok.

I'm not being a cool girl. It's literally how I was brought up to go where I needed to go alone in a foreign country. I would have thought nothing of nipping to the shop or takeaway by myself and my parents wouldn't either. Of course this was Spain not Sudan but you catch my drift 😂

I hear what you are saying :)

I've travelled all over the world by myself and have done what I needed to do... but I guess my point is that if my husband is there then I wouldn't have to.

He would be thinking about me, concerned about my safety and doesnt mind a little bit of effort or going for a walk with me if i need something at night etc.

So for me it's not a matter of "can't", but that OP's situation sounds inconsiderate on many different levels and in my opinion one of the perks of being in a relationship is small acts of kindness and consideration (especially as a woman in situations like going out at night).

Yes I totally get your point- ultimately its what works for them and their relationship and their preferences.
I'm trying to put myself and DP in this situation but all I can think about is how both of us would have prioritised the sleep !!(although I'm viewing life through the lens of having a toddler and a baby so I'm biased 🤣)

I’m with you OP, surely someone in the group would be nice enough to say they will walk with you.

Op sound like the selfish one of the pair TBH

There are some spectacularly obtuse people here. Presumably the ones who don't have a pre dinner snooze on holiday.

Anyway, your husband should have wakened you, I don't understand him not doing that at all.

Whether he should have gone with you to find food really depends on where you were staying. Somewhere touristy should be safe enough for you to have gone on your own. Would anywhere have been open if you were too late for dinner?

I think people are being a bit harsh. I got separated from my friends one night on holiday and was followed by two men. They crossed the street and changed direction to follow me and it was really quiet with big mental people around. I slipped into a pub and then left when a group of people did to stay safe. I would never walk alone at night abroad after that, they could have dragged me into any alleyway as there were a few. This was pre mobile phones and a lot of miscommunication.

How the husband being called selfish is beyond me. 😂 heard it all.

That's not how a good relationship works though.

It's all very well being tough and streetwise, but simply accompanying your other half to get some food late at night is just a considerate thing to do.

I would probably call it good old fashioned chivalry, and I'm not afraid of going out after dark when on hoiday in an other country in a well lit area that has lots of people milling around, but I understand why many women don't feel comfortable doing this.

The sneering on this thread is very unpleasant

Has nothing to do with being a "cool girl" although well don't for the attempt at being a patronising arse!

If I had slept through dinner in a group holiday, I got up 4 hours later and my DP was chilling having drinks with the group, I absolutely would not expect him to come and find food with me, because I'm a grown woman! Mine would undoubtedly offer, but I would never in a million years expect it, because he is on holiday too, not just there to be at my beck and call! Even if he didn't offer, I wouldn't think him selfish, unkind or unbothered, and certainly wouldn't be crying on MN about it, calling him such and saying I was alone on holiday!

The amount of threads about the woman needing her man to help her is embarrassing, alone on holiday; clearly not!
Do you never go anywhere without your husband?

I don't think it is about "needing" her husband. It is about feeling pissed off that he didn't wake her up and then couldn't care less that she hadn't eaten. It was his attitude that was wrong.

Unless there is a back story that we don't know about. Did the OP get drunk at lunchtime and sleep it off all afternoon?

I can't imagine sleeping for 4 hours all afternoon unless I am ill.

I go most places without him , as he works away. It's still nice to have company/do things for each other/help out. Otherwise what's the point in being with someone?

You haven't exactly covered yourself in glory with your tone either.

Carry on enjoying your relationship style if you are happy in it.

I am wonderfully happy in my own and would rather be single than live with what I perceive to be incredibly inconsiderate acts.

It doesn't sound like OP is happy with it either and that is what I was addressing.

I often travel alone - if I couldn't go out after dark for food on my own I'd be screwed!!!