Alone on holiday

[RecoveringMillennial]

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

I think it's odd he didn't come up to check on you around dinner time tbh, sounds like he doesn't consider you at all.

My husband would have asked what time to expect me down and brought me a drink/fruit about 20 mins after that time if I was still absent.

It's not princessy behavioir to be disappointed imo I'd have a think about if he's the right person for you though.

I don't have a husband, am I supposed to starve after dark? 😆

So, there’s no middle ground between you being on holiday with your partner and another couple and ‘publishing your memoir?’

Some of us actually go on holiday on our own! Shock horror! Sorry but I think you are being a little wet

What country is it?

Yes..I can’t imagine I’d pay to go on holiday to wherever this is!!

Context matters here ! If it's a busy street in a Spanish City and you are just popping out of the hotel to a shop down the road then I'd happily go alone as at 1030 it's likely to be busy and all the places open. If it's somewhere out of the way and it's a walk down a poorly lit street then yes he should go with you !

I'm really surprised at the number of adult women who need a man for basic living requirements. I lost my husband after 30 years. I'd always been reasonably independent, so I coped (practically) better than most here would, but even so there were too many things that I'd relied on him for and too much I needed to learn for myself. Honestly, it's vital you can comfortably do these things for yourself.

Lucky you

absolutely this. And the country matters too.
If I was in Tunisia/Egypt/Mexico I'd want someone to go with me. If I was in a hamlet in France or a village in Greece, I'd be fine to walk alone.

Confused! Is Birstall in Bristol?
Is The West of England now the Wild West of England?
Do I need my DH for protection if food shopping in Bristol?!!?

to be honest, there are many areas of Bristol which feel menacing as fuck. My daughter lived there for a while. I hated it. Was glad when she decided to move.

YANBU.

But.... I don't think the OP is in Bristol!? So how is this relevant?!

I'd be annoyed no-one woke me up for dinner but I wouldn't be fussed about going to get food alone. But then I've travelled alone so you have to do things on your own then which I suspect eases the anxiety around these things.

Whether YABU or not is dependent on what your dh is like the rest of the time and not on this one incident, where there are faults on both sides op.

If the tables were turned, your dh could be posting about feeling alone and disrespected at the dinner table because his wife failed to come down in time.

And maybe he thought you were tired and didn’t want to wake you?

Or maybe later on he would post something like, my wife is so selfish because I was the only person there at the dinner table when everyone else was in couples and then just when the evening got better and I was having some drinks, she wanted me to leave my friends and get her food?

I can see why you are a bit miffed op, but honestly you have to take some responsibility for your own actions. It’s your responsibility to wake yourself up on time.

In your shoes I would have had a soft drink and a bag of crisps and called that my dinner and not made a fuss tbh.

Was this by any chance a result of heavy day drinking?

I just can’t get my head around a 4 hour nap where you also slept through him showering, getting ready for dinner etc…

However, if you did, you needed the rest so I think he was right to leave you to sleep. I’d be annoyed if someone decided I wasn’t allowed to sleep any longer unless I’d specifically asked to be woken (and I wouldn’t, I’d have set an alarm).

Flip side of all of this is that maybe your husband is annoyed and has more right to be annoyed that he’s spent the evening alone (in company), you rudely slept through dinner and are now disrupting drinks to demand someone escorts you for food at 10.30pm.

I find it crazy that you’d post on here rather than just go and adult. Buy some food if you want food. It also wouldn’t kill you to just go to sleep and eat first thing.

TBF you are very far from alone. What with being with DH and a group of friends. Melodramatic springs to mind.

Husband wouldn’t get me dinner would be more accurate without needing a memoir.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and am quite surprised by some of the responses. Surely your partner would come with you not just for safety, but for a bit of a catch up as well? You’re on a group holiday so presumably you haven’t spent much time just the two of you. It would be a good time to have a chat, swap gossip and vent about little things that have happened. Not 100% necessary but a nice thing to do together.

Well if I was on holiday I wouldn’t be showering before dinner (I do shower every day, just not before dinner!) and I am naturally very quiet getting dressed. But I would have woken her up, if she said she was still tired and didn’t want to get up, that would not be a problem (as long as it wasn’t most days!).

It’s all the man’s fault, surely?

How do you have a four hour nap? You should have set the alarm on your phone to get ready for dinner.

If someone had a 4 hour nap I would be assuming they must have needed it. I'd probably be pretty pissed off if someone woke me from a much needed nap. But then I'm also more than capable of sorting my own food out.

Exactly this.

I've travelled a lot by myself. But I've always managed matters so that I wouldn't be out alone late at night.

If I was with a DH I'd expect them to go with me, depending on culture of the country, where the hotel was situated (quiet dark streets leading to restaurants etc).

All the 'pull your big girls pants up' type of posts are a bit much, the OP is not at home, it's late, and you have no idea of culture / how empty the streets are.

I hate to break it to you but some of live and travel by ourselves. I'm an adult, I don't need a chaperone.