Alone on holiday

[RecoveringMillennial]

Feeling more upset about this than I usually do, so wondering if I’m overreacting. Please be kind.
On holiday with a group of friends (couples). Two of us overslept and missed dinner. Other hungry friend has food brought by DP. When I say I’m hungry later (10:30ish) DH says I’ll be fine to go and fetch something on my own. Only a 5/10 minute walk, but in a foreign country and late. I can’t explain how hurt I was by this and I can’t get over the lack of care or consideration. I also suspect he didn’t want to leave the bar.
He does have form for being selfish so I don’t know if this is worse or just the final straw.

All the 'pull your big girls pants up' type of posts are a bit much, the OP is not at home, it's late, and you have no idea of culture / how empty the streets are.

I think the fact the OP has ignored the multiple people asking where she is suggests it’s not actually anywhere too dangerous or out of the ordinary.

Some is the OP in Bournemouth or Benidorm? Need the context before I can vote.

I always pack a couple of protein bars. I travel a lot for work and have frequently arrived too late for dinner at the hotel and can’t be arsed to head out on my own into town. Has the hotel got a vending machine? I’m afraid it’s not your DH problem you overslept, set an alarm next time. Try not to be too pissed off about it, it’s a lesson learned.

Hmm I don't know, depends.
Maybe he didn't wake you because he thought you needed the sleep so thought he was doing a nice thing in letting you catch up on some obviously needed kip.
Where is the closest shop for food? If it's a million walks away and down dark and quiet eery streets and known for being a bit mad at night, then I'd just see if maybe the hotel had some toast or something, or usually we will have snacks in the room with us, and I'd probably turn to them if needed.
I wouldn't expect anyone else to up and leave what they're doing and come with, as it would be my issue that I overslept and missed dinner. But if the shop was close and he's enjoying himself at the bar or whatever, then I'd go alone if I was in that desperate need of food. And to be fair, I'd probably like a little meal by myself 🤣
Ultimately I think you're going to deep in to it, slightly over reacting. After all, you're all adults and should be able to look after yourselves. I'm guessing you both have phones so can contact him if you needed him on the way to the shop, and just let them know where it is you plan on going.

It all seems odd to me, like you all just met the night before in a hostel rather than being a group.

1. DH would wake me or vice versa
2. If I wouldn't get up, DH would have got extra dinner so I had something when I did get up, and vice versa
3. Friend / Friend DH would ask if I / anyone else wanted something when they set off
4. If they didn't ask and I was hungry, I'd say can I come with you to get something or can you pick me up X please
5. If I didn't go and then wanted food, DH would go for me if I asked him to
6. I wouldn't really ask him to go, I'd want a walk after a 4 hour nap
7. I might ask if anyone else wanted a walk just for company, it wouldn't bother me if DH didn't want to go because he wanted a beer
8. If you're in a villa then why don't you have food in? If it's a bar or hotel then why don't they sell food?

It was 5 minutes away. I’d have went on my own. I don’t need my DH to chaperone for that

I’d have woken my DH for dinner, as he would have woken me. I’m amazed that there are couples who wouldn’t do this for each other.

OP I think I know where you’re coming and understand your feelings exactly. My ex husband would have been precisely like your husband - couldn’t be arsed and if it involved putting himself out, then no way would endanger ruining his evening for anyone else. It wasn’t just me. FYI I was happy to go and sort myself out but it wasn’t the point. My now partner would have a) woken me b) had it on his mind that I hadn’t eaten and at the very least c) quite happily left the company we were in and go FOR me to get something for me to eat.

I put up with shitty, selfish behaviour for far too long. It wont change and I think deep down you know that.

He's selfish because you overslept and you want him to go and get you food, that you're more than capable of doing yourself. The "it's late" won't wash with me unfortunately as I lived overseas working in tourist resorts, where we had to walk back to apartments alone in the early hours after an airport arrival. Tourist areas are busy and well lit when restaurants are still open.

You're the entitled one thinking cos you're the woman you get to be waited on. JFC.

He should have woken you, and if he decided you needed to sleep longer, then he should have offered to go with you later. Maybe he thought one of the female friends would, but he shouldn’t be prepared to let you go late at night on your own. That’s not considerate or a good husband.

So I guess because I don't have a husband or partner I should never travel or if I do, remain in my hotel room between the hours of 6p.m and morning. Whi needs anyone to control us when we can do it to ourselves?

This! If I didn't go alone, I'd never leave the flat.

I would be really pissed off if my husband "napped" through dinner and then expected me to go looking for food for him at 10.30pm.

It's your own fault you missed dinner. It's his holiday too. Why should he have to break off from enjoying his evening now you have deigned to get yourself out of bed?

Where are you @RecoveringMillennial ?
This would be the deciding factor in whether you are being unreasonable being cross with your husband for not accompanying you to get food.

It might be just the straw that broke the camel's back as in he is generally not bothered in helping you out.

Perhaps you were jet lagged or had done a lot of walking / tired from the journey?

Ask someone where the nearest shop is if you don't know the area, so you're not roaming around in an aimless way. Then just nip out and get something. You'll be fine.

@Bitchette mate you have a Costa Coffee - it's hardly Canada Real.

I know. I am lucky. I was in an abusive, shit, horrible relationship, where my self-worth was in tatters, before I met my husband. I was constantly called names, belittled in public, and put down day after day. My ex would have acted like the ops partner. Actually, one holiday, I remember him pulling my plate away to say I'd eaten enough. My husband showed me there are men out there who are kind and will do anything to make you happy. So yes, I am lucky I have the husband I have now.

Normal levels of self-care would be not being in the habit of drinking so many cocktails that other people have to watch you because there's a significant risk you're going to vomit in your sleep.

It really depends on the location but for your average holiday destination, I wouldn't expect my husband to come with me. Have you never lived on your own?

In all my holidaying and drinking years I have never been concerned my partner may vomit in their sleep after a couple of drinks with lunch.

@Bitchette I'm surprised you get chance to do anything in between sleep vomit watch and avoiding the drive by shootings and 24/7 pimpin' outside your local Costa Coffee