To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

[SoftLittleBunnyRabbit]

When I say teach, I mean the very basics. At least to start of with.

I am almost 36 years old and I find even the most simple of tasks a huge unsurmountable burden . I took a shower today for the first time in 6 days. I haven't had a haircut since 2022. I ordered takeaway again today because going shopping and cooking nutritious meals feels like the equivalent of climbing mount Everest. I just feel exhausted, anxious and stressed over stupid things all the time and keep bursting into tears because I feel like shit, life is hard and I'm just not worth investing any time/money/care in.

The situation is:

• I have depression and increasingly bad anxiety which I'm medicated for
• I have an under active thyroid which I'm medicated for but it has made lots of my hair fall out and it never grew back so my hair is very thin on top
• I constantly eat crappy food and I need to lose 10 stone. My body is struggling because I am so heavy.
• I have very dry, red skin and want to sort out a skincare routine in theory, but in reality I don't feel like I'm worth spending any money on
• childhood trauma and history of SH as a teen
• no kids but have a DH who is worried about me and tries his best to help.

I just don't know where to start and have tears in my eyes writing this. Please tell me the most basic things I can start with to look after myself and become healthier. Talk to me as if I am an idiot (because I am) and tell me small, manageable steps I can take. Like, what is the first thing you do in the morning that I can do that won't be too overwhelming?

I have a little notebook here to write down all your suggestions so I can keep it with me and read it when I need to.

Op first I'm sending you hugs x the best thing is to set yourself small daily goals. Focus on one thing at a time x otherwise you might end up feeling overwhelmed. Small steps x sending hugs x

I grew up in a family that traumatised me severely, so I know what it's like.
Something that might help that doesn't answer your original question:
'Glen Patrick Doyle' on Facebook and Instagram are very useful for calming me down and gathering self compassion.
Go very gentle on yourself xxx

Bless you. I'm so sorry to read what you're going through. You are not an idiot, you are ill and struggling and need support and help.

Whilst I'm sure others will have heaps of ideas, try not to compare what you are capable of with what other people can manage. So, some may wash and condition their hair each day, others may use multiple facial products. I guess you need to find some basic, manageable options.

Huge huge hugs. You sound lovely 🌹

Hi OP. Didn't want to read and run. You sound lovely and like you're being very hard on yourself.

You'll probably get lots of advice on here so don't let it become overwhelming. Maybe DH can help you look through the responses and group them together maybe - things that will help your hair, things for your skin etc then pick one thing to do for a week and build up your habits and routines slowly.

I would suggest writing down 2 things you like about yourself and 1 thing that happened today that made you smile. Write it at the top of your notebook page! X

Be kind, to yourself, inside.
Get counselling for your trauma.
Progress, not perfection.

And remember everyone else is just winging it too.

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that but having a supportive DH is great.

I'm sure you will get a lot of advice here but mine would be to take one little step at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to be ambitious. You already know that so you're off to a brilliant start.

Choose one thing you can achieve fairly easily. A glass of water first thing every morning. Get some nice fruit and aim for two or three pieces a day. Walk outside every day, even just round the block.

Sorry to hear, try to do little things as its more sustainable. Lidl cream cleanser I rub over face with hands and rince off post brushing teeth thrn wipe their moisturiser on as walk upstairs (has v good reviews esp the q10 one)

Local beauty colleges will reopen soon, book for hair cut +/- colour if you want, they're super cheap and total perfectionists as bring Assessed. Takes a big longer as a result. I try to book facial or massage there every few months as a mandated self care now

Try n get outdoors daily, walking n fresh air does wonders for ur brain xx

I would go to the GP and would have a check up and bloods done. I would ask about your skin and see what they recommend. If you're still depressed, look at readjusting your medication.

I would start drinking more water.

I would look into therapy, compassion focused or trauma based.

I would look at yoga. Try Adrianne's YouTube channel for beginner yoga.

Can you order food online so it's not such a task. The BBC food website is good for planning the week. If cooking nutritious food is too much, can your husband cook?

Stop drinking alcohol or cut down.

Take a good multivitamin and Vitamin D, magnesium may help with sleep or anxiety.

I would focus on one thing and that is losing weight.

Your body is literally dragging you down.

If you are physically fit you will have more confidence in your appearance which in itself is a mood lifter but you will also be able to do a range of activities that you cannot do now.

An active body really helps boost your mental health.

You sound quite isolated so you might benefit from joining a weight loss group that will get you out of your house and meeting other people who will share the same goal of losing weight. You might even form friendships.

Recomnend Michael mosleys podcasts "just one thing"

Pick 1 thing and go from there,so what do you want to start with,eating better,skincare? Etc.
As a start, get up in the morning and have a wash, every morning, even just over the sink with a flannel. Eat a good breakfast, even something simple like Weetabix, brush your teeth and hair. Start your day right and get in a habit of doing that before you worry about anything else.
Can I ask, what does your husband do to help? You mention your weight and eating bad food,does he shop and cook?

Every morning get out and walk. Doesn’t matter how far. One minute up the street and back. The key isn’t how far it’s doing it daily, I.e. consistently.

Starting with the very basics, if you can:

Brush your teeth, morning and night - if you do nothing else, try to do this - toothache is horrific and dental health has such an impact on the rest of your body.

When I am struggling, I try to do the following every day:

Brush teeth
Wash face
Brush hair

On a good day I will add in the following:

Shower
Moisturise face
Use deodorant
Put on make up (BB cream and mascara)

Good luck OP you are very brave

If you are get lots of tips, DO NOT try and implement them all at once. Pick say three and try to get into a routine of them (takes 21 times before something is a habit). Bookmark this thread, and come back to it and add a couple more. Otherwise it will be overwhelming.

Start walking daily as far as your health will allow.

Don’t expect to be healed overnight, negative patterns need to be eliminated slowly and you must accept the time it will take.

drink two litres of water every day, but not all at once.

change your thought patterns from negative to positive, for example from “I am sick” to “I am getting better “

Oh no OP I am sorry. You're not an idiot! Life is so hard. Samaritans are there to chat 24/7 if you need, just call 116 123.

Drink a glass of water when you wake up and then get a blast of fresh air, either stand outside and do some deep breathing for a few seconds or just stick your head out of the window and feel the fresh air.
Taking a vitamin D supplement really helped me and also find a scent that you like and try and find some soap / lotion / shower gel etc in that scent too.

Sending you big hugs xxx

I'd start with your morning routine.i have one which means I don't even need to think when I wake up.
1: toilet,do a wee
2: breakfast, what do you like ? I have cereal, a cup of tea and a glass of orange juice, fruit also good as well. It's the same pretty much every morning.
3: shower, brush teeth, wash hair every few days.
4: get dressed.
Then you are ready to start the day.

The first thing I do in the morning is to have a cup of tea and some fruit, a tablespoon of Fage Yoghurt, a sprinkling of all bran and a tiny handful of mixed nuts. I take it back to bed and fuck about on MNet for about half an hour.

The second thing I do is have a shower, use a hot brush on my hair and put on a bit of make-up.

I had a health scare a year ago. It made me give up saturated fats, wheat and sugar. I have lost 2.5 stone and within three weeks every bit of eczema cleared up and also every ache and pain.

I have also taken levothyroxine for 35 years.

Canbyou afford a private consultation with an endocrinologist to make sire your meds are all perfectly titrated?

Good luck.

The things i have found that have really helped my mental health is
1)Cleaning my teeth, always makes me feel a bit fresher,
2)If i'm feeling depressed then a bath rather than shower or both feels more comfortable.
3)Go to bed before 12
4) Get the light and fresh air in the house
5) and go outside for exercise of sit in the garden if you have one.

I would suggest that your thyroid medication is too low. For you to be feeling like this, overwhelmed and unable to sort out where to start, and feeling so low - that's how I feel when under medicated. Its completely impossible to get on top if things when your brain and body don't have enough go-juice. By all means go back to your GP for a retest, but the NHS are notoriously bad at thyroid treatment, so if you can afford it you might want to look at private providers who include T3 in their prescriptions. Best money I ever spent and my hair looks like I've had layers cut into it because the thick regrowth after becoming very thin when underdosed all started when I got properly treated and is halfway down my hair length now.

Hi OP. I'm in a similar kind of situation myself but there are some daily things I do, which really help. First thing I do when I wake up is drink water I keep by my bed to hydrate me immediately. Then wash my face with cold water which really wakes me up and then apply a glycolic toner and hyaluronic serum to my face. My skin can also be very dry and sore but those products are miracle workers. If you have time first thing in the morning, go for a little walk in the fresh air. Doesn't have to be for long. Just to get you out the house and change of scene. I use an exercise bike. I think you can buy them pretty inexpensively these days but it's great because you don't have to go to a gym. I just watch YouTube and the miles rack up. You can also use bottles of waters or tin cans as weights and do a few exercises with those. Lots of free exercise ideas for all levels on YouTube. Another think I find incredibly helpful is cooking my meals the night before and batch cooking for the freezer when I have time. That way I don't have to worry about cooking when I'm tired and can't be bothered. Keep them high protein and low carb and you can't go wrong. All very small steps, but put together I promise make a difference. It's lovely that your husband cares, but you need to WANT to do it for you. No one else. You are worth it and you absolutely can do it!

Sending you a big hug.

Can your DH take over on cooking? Two small things you can do to look after yourself - drink lots of water throughout the day. Get outside and go for a walk.

Wishing you all the very best 🌺

Very brave of you to write this and I’m sure many people in a similar boat will be watching on.

I try and make a daily plan
something I have to do - task (boring usually but I link it to the love)
something I’d like to do - eat healthy (so I write down what I’ll have)
sonething I’d love to do - fab tv show, jigsaw, call or see a friend family
I find a little plan helps but it’s not rigid

Hiya. I also struggle. I didn’t look after myself for years. I have a tea and brush my teeth before I do anything else.

Hope you have a good bank holiday x