To feel embarrassed but ask you anyway to teach me, a grown woman, how to look after myself, please?

[SoftLittleBunnyRabbit]

When I say teach, I mean the very basics. At least to start of with.

I am almost 36 years old and I find even the most simple of tasks a huge unsurmountable burden . I took a shower today for the first time in 6 days. I haven't had a haircut since 2022. I ordered takeaway again today because going shopping and cooking nutritious meals feels like the equivalent of climbing mount Everest. I just feel exhausted, anxious and stressed over stupid things all the time and keep bursting into tears because I feel like shit, life is hard and I'm just not worth investing any time/money/care in.

The situation is:

• I have depression and increasingly bad anxiety which I'm medicated for
• I have an under active thyroid which I'm medicated for but it has made lots of my hair fall out and it never grew back so my hair is very thin on top
• I constantly eat crappy food and I need to lose 10 stone. My body is struggling because I am so heavy.
• I have very dry, red skin and want to sort out a skincare routine in theory, but in reality I don't feel like I'm worth spending any money on
• childhood trauma and history of SH as a teen
• no kids but have a DH who is worried about me and tries his best to help.

I just don't know where to start and have tears in my eyes writing this. Please tell me the most basic things I can start with to look after myself and become healthier. Talk to me as if I am an idiot (because I am) and tell me small, manageable steps I can take. Like, what is the first thing you do in the morning that I can do that won't be too overwhelming?

I have a little notebook here to write down all your suggestions so I can keep it with me and read it when I need to.

Small changes, one step at a time. Maybe this week just focus on having a shower, washing your hair and apply some moisturiser.
Then build up and add something else next week, like making sure you have a good filing breakfast everyday. I like eggs and spinach on sourdough toast and it keeps me full til lunch.
Try and get some fresh air everyday. Drink plenty water.
You may find your medical conditions improve once you are eating more nutritious meals.
I read somewhere recently that you should treat your body like you have borrowed it from someone you love and you will be returning it to them. It really made me think. Good luck OP ,

Set goals, and don’t overwhelm yourself! One thing at a time. First make one goal - something you’re going to do every day - and make sure you do it. Start small if you have to! Once it is a habit, add one more thing in. Good luck xx

What are you planning for tonight's dinner?

Last night was a good start.

Really well done!!!

Well done OP.

My carer came up with the term, "skydiving", you are in mid air and aiming for a particular place to land but it doesn't mean that is a straight line, as long as it is in sight you are doing well.

I would go to the GP and ask for a medication and general health review.

You say you are medicated but this sounds like it isn't working, your dosage may need adjusting or trying something different.

Very simple things you can do are:

Take vitamins/supplements:
Skin, hair and nails tablets
B12 for energy/tiredness/weakness
Multivitamins

Skin and hair care:
Buy some appropriate skincare products . Go to a dept store counter and find out about your skin type and what kinds of products will help you. You don't need to buy anything expensive but once you know your skin type you can buy things that will help your skin.
If that is too much at the moment, make sure you cleanse, tone and moisturise with something for all skin types. If your skin feels dry you need something moisturising, if it feels oily you need something oil free and light.
Get a hair treatment, such as an intensive conditioner mask.

Meal plan:
Work with your partner on planning healthy meals you can enjoy together.

Light exercise:
Something as simple as going for a walk, following a YouTube fitness video or doing some yoga/stretches at home will make a huge difference to how you feel. That alongside healthy eating will help some weight to come off and improve how you feel.

Looks a lot in writing, but essentially all it is is making a GP appointment, taking some supplements, considering what you are eating, make an effort to move your body in some way and including a few bits to your shower routine.

Once you make some small changes you might feel more able to take on a bit more!

Good luck x

OP my advice would be to start with nutrition and mindfulness Take aways are nice as a treat but not great for long term healthy eating. Eating fresh nutritious food has positive effects on mood, weight, skin, hair and overall well being.

If you can afford it, as they are not cheap, try a meal delivery service like Mindful Chef. Maybe start with 3 meals a week and see how you go? If you order a 2 person portion size, you would have some leftovers. Everything you need to make a delicious meal out of fresh ingredients is included and the meals themselves are quick to prepare. You get a recipe book with each delivery. You can see what kind of meals are available by going on their website and see if it's the kind of thing that might appeal to you.

If it doesn't appeal, maybe try the "icook" range of ready meals available in supermarkets. They are very tasty and good quality and if you just grab a bag of pre prepared veg or salad to go with it, it won't be any effort to prepare.

Once cooking a meal becomes less of a chore and more something you can do without too much effort, you can maybe then move on to cooking from scratch (or not!) But keep the takeaways to a minimum.

Try to also be very aware of how you feel after eating certain foods: note what makes you feel bloated, sluggish or just icky versus foods that make you feel sated and give you energy. Try and use that to avoid buying and eating food that doesn't make you feel good. Don't think about losing weight just yet, concentrate on how you feel after eating.

I would also try a mindfulness app like Simple Habit or similar. It will take 5 mins a day to help you relax and focus and will, with practice, allow you to open up to more of the changes you want to make in your life.

I agree with PP, not to try and do too much all at once. As you introduce changes they will gradually become part of your daily routine and won't feel like such a mountain to climb.

Best of luck and just take one day at a time.

I would echo the advice of not to do too much at once.

Get your bloods checked at GP to see if there is anything underlying.

Nutrition and sleep would be my main priorities.

I can recommend nutrition geeks for supplements, sign up without purchasing straight away and they eventually send you a code for 30% off your first order.

Magnesium and ashwaganda an hour before bed have really helped me with sleep.

The other ones I would recommend are the collagen powder and the vitamin D + K2

Lots of water and getting outside each morning.

That's enough to start off with.
When I started off getting myself better I made a physical checklist that I ticked off each day.
I appreciate this wouldn't be for everyone but it really helped me and I still use it now.
Every few weeks as I felt better and better I added new things to the list but here's how small it started.
(I appreciate that some days even brushing your teeth does not feel like a small thing, I just mean small as in not many items on the list)

AM
Drink water
Brush teeth
Wash face
Sit/stand outside for 5min

PM
Wash face and put moisturiser on
Go to bed

Daily showers, exercise and even brushing my hair were beyond me in the beginning, But by starting small and adding to 'the checklist' every couple of weeks, I got there.

Just keep going, don't give up on yourself.