AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

I was getting angry is a problem. How much therapy are you having for this?

did you leave your dp and child there or demand everyone go with you?

was it raw chicken?

I would say yabu - the burgers then get cooked and he wouldn't be touching the cooked meat with unwashed hands hopefully.

If you were saying he was picking up all the cooked meat with his fingers having touched uncooked meat then I would agree not to eat it, but uncooked meat with meaty fingers? Nope, not a problem

What was he touching?

Also E.Coli is usually chicken only.

Did you make a scene or leave quietly, Do you eat out anywhere else?

Yes you are being unreasonable. I wouldn’t notice this and wouldn’t care.

Whilst you're correct that one should wash their hands after raw meat, I don't think I've ever in the hundreds, maybe thousands, of bbqs I've ever been to, have seen the bloke (normally) go and wash his hands after putting the meat on. Although one would in a kitchen, just doesn't seeem to apply in the garden!

Yes, I think you should have just declined a burger if you felt upset about his cooking. You should have just made an excuse (stomach issues ?) and let your husband have time with his family. I should imagine his father is most embarrassed.

Youve been to ‘thousands’ of BBQ’s? 😂🫨

I think you were being reasonable. When we have a barbecue we’ll have tongs for raw meat and tongs for cooked meat and won’t touch it with our hands. I’ve never seen anyone handle raw meat and cooked meat with their hands or the same utensils.

It was chicken and burgers.. minced meat is most likely to contain E. coli.. he touched the raw meat, rubbed it on his jeans, picked up his beer bottle and touched people..

Does his family know you have diagnosed OCD? Or do they think you just stropped off?

Im with you OP , me and little one would leave

It's understandable because you have OCD, plus it's not ideal so I'd say a minority of people without OCD would be put off by it. However I would suggest that what you should have done is discreetly ask your DP to make you/DC some burgers or whatever making sure they weren't contaminated and stayed. Or just not eaten (though that might be tricky with a hungry DC).

Yes. I was married to a South African guy for 20 years. It was how he cooked. Hardly the point of the thread.

It's not just about eating it, it's about touching my daughter and everything else and contaminating everything else

I think if you have contamination ocd then bbqs are probably not the place for you. I would apologise and be a little bit more self aware in future. If you know something could be a trigger for you avoid it or make excuses as to why you can't eat. Ruining everyone's bbq because you have a condition isn't on.

Did you ask your DP to have a word and ask his dad to wash his hands?

Are you getting treatment for your OCD?

The "angry" part is probably the biggest issue here. Did you cause a scene?

It still isnt clear what happened.

did you leave quietly? Or did you make a fuss, taking dp and dc with you?

I didn't ruin it, I discreetly left with my daughter. I didn't want to go in the first place but DP always insists and gets mad when I don't want to go.

No I didn't cause a scene, I left without saying anything. And DP would never ask his dad to wash his hands because he can't ask anyone to do anything.

What was your expectation? For him to use tongs? But then the tongs are touching the cooked meat that have had the raw meat on them? Far worse.
I think YABU sorry

That is causing a scene though I'm afraid op if you and their grandchild simply walked off if you'd been invited for dinner without saying a word.

I expected him to wash his hands after touching raw meat like you are supposed to do?!

Maybe next time let your DP take your daughter and you stay at home. I understand OCD is difficult to deal with but you can't let it affect your DDs life.