AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

YABVU and your OCD is going to cause major issues for your children if you don’t fully recover.

Most people with OCD don't fully recover, even with medication and therapy. Think of it more as working hard to gain functionality and get the worst of it into remission.
However even in remission, something like that would probably trigger a flare up of symptoms.
It's a pretty debilitating condition, I'm sure the OP isn't trying to be rude or awkward.

I would have kindly told him he needs to wash his hands because he has just touched raw meat. I think people would be more offended with a sudden discreet exit than just a straightforward request.

Yuck. No. Yanbu. Your hygiene standards are spot on and I can totally understand how it would be a situation you had to remove yourself from due to the OCD.

You’re not unreasonable, @startinganewforonce. and I don’t agree that being aware of basic food hygiene is akin to having OCD. My husband does the BBQs - he’s a normal bloke but he washes his hands after touching raw meat and is exceptionally careful to ensure the raw meat juices don’t touch anything else. Especially as we have little ones.

I think I'd leave too. It is disgusting and I hate when people don't show good hygiene and them hosting ! It's ridiculous.

So many posts about OP's OCD !

It's not.

It's about basic hygiene, & the lack thereof.

Yes, I thought this as well.

I would have been wary of eating the food after what has been described, and I don’t think I’m particularly fussy.

The way you handled this was bad!
also, saying “I didn’t want to go anyways” is massively immature! You did go, and therefore that’s no excuse.

YANBU. Handling raw meat, wiping his hands on his trousers and continuing to touch everything is gross, unhygienic and a recipe for food poisoning. Eating the burger is totally not the point! The burger is fine once it's cooked it's the ongoing touching with potentially contaminated hands.
The OCD is a bit of a red herring - but having a contamination form does make you very vigilant to this kind of behaviour.
Ideally your DP should have a discreet word with his Dad about not risking his guests health.

So I guess no one got ill. Weirdly original coke is supposed to best if you are worried (wild swimmers drink it if they are worried about the water quality). But yes, YWBABU - kids stuck all sorts of things in their mouths, get used to it (one of mine ate a garden snail) and you should really try not pass this fear on.

I wonder how OP will react when she discovers there are microorganisms everywhere.

Once the food is cooked there will be zero germs on it …. I’d have stayed and eaten the op’s share of the food too 🤣

Fuck me. People's reading comprehension is dire. As are people's attitudes to mental illness.

Oh do you not wash your hands after touching raw chicken then? Because there are germs everywhere already so what difference does it make?

I bet the majority of people calling OP ridiculous would not handle raw chicken, and then just wipe their hands on their jeans and then carry on.

You cook salad?

I’m not clear why you posted the question in the first place, because you don’t seem to want to hear opinions that don’t agree with you!

I suppose living in a relatively safe country turns people into careless pigs.

It's funny how many people haven't even understood the OP wasn't that worried about the meat - as it was normally cooked after he touched it , so his germs were less important.
Her concern was practically avout everything else he touched directly after touching the raw meat (which wasn't being cooked).

Putting it bluntly, would you be happy if he touched the child's face or hand him a dummy directly after touching the raw meat?

I think you really should have pointed it out, and said something. Or kindly taken a bowl of hot water to him to "wash the raw meat off his hands". Fine for you to up and leave, but not so fine it you want to maintain a relationship. Better to offend someone by asking them to wash their hands then just walking out of their party.

YABA and clearly have issues that the rest of us find hard to understand. Please be careful not to pass your fears on to your DD as it will make her life difficult especially as she gets older and goes out with friends. You won’t be there to protect her. You really need to develop strategies for dealing g with this and possibly seek help.

• I was getting angry is a problem. How much therapy are you having for this?*

Getting angry and kicking off, then running off takes away from what should have been a rational discussion.
Do you refuse to attend things with your family/friends too or just his?

I think the help that is needed is to send the dirty bloke on a Food Hygiene course.

I was going to say that if you have contamination OCD and raw meat is your biggest fear you might be better off not going to BBQs full stop. Then I read your other posts.

Handling raw chicken and mince and wiping his hands on his jeans??? Then touching other things, including a toddler, with unwashed hands? That’s just disgusting.

Why? There are worse hygiene situations for you and your child every day. Just try to keep them clean, but you cannot eliminate all risk.

Did not want to say this, but oh, my dear, where do I start? Are you sure that whatever you are served in a cafe/restaurant/on the plane/as a school meal is has not been touched by e-coli contaminated hands? Are you sure that whatever you buy at a supermarket/market/etc has not been touched with e-coli contaminated hands? Are you sure that you did not bring anything much worse than e-coli into your house on the soles of your shoes? And rails in public transport/etc. It is best not to think of it, otherwise you won't be able to function. By all means, take precautions, but try to think less about it. I think this is the only way. I mean, at some point, you will have to let your child go to others' homes where they will be served sandwiches - who knows what hands touched them, right? (Same goes for pre-prepared supermarket sandwiches).