AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

Raw meat germs?

Why is everyone so blasé about the poor meat handling?

I’d have left and taken my child too.

I'd notice, just wouldn't eat anything from the bbq.

He should be embarrassed

This!

The people saying that she should have left her two year old to eat unhygieniclly prepared meat so as not to risk upsetting the child's grandfather by drawing attention to the fact he's risking exposing a very young child to food poisoning are the absolute pinnacle of the attitude that when a woman has a child she has to immediately become a people pleaser.

Why, exactly, is this woman being told to put her legitimate discomfort about her child being exposed to potential food poisoning after the presumed wants of extended family to carry on regardless, and generally be "grateful" for things which go against her interests?

If the child does get food poisoning, the mother is highly likely to be the one staying up all night with her and cleaning up her diarrhea and vomit, and worrying about her - not to mention the child being miserable.

Why are people being so unkind about the OP having OCD? It's a serious disorder and an absolute bitch to treat - mostly you can just get it to a more manageable level rather than curing it. It's not just "mental health" it's an actual neurological malfunction between two parts of the brain.

BBQs can be a bit of a health hazard but that is the nature of the bbq. Touching the burgers wouldn’t be a huge problem but then handling raw chicken and not washing hands before touching surfaces, people and the said burgers would be.

Sounds like there is an extra element for you that you have ocd. I probably wouldn’t be watching out for handwashing but I have a stomach like a metal drum. I don’t blame you though, you have small children who could potentially become quite ill!

I think it’s ok to expect better hygiene standards, but your extreme fear and reaction are not normal. Cooking food properly kills E. coli, perhaps if you had watched to make sure the food is cooked really well you’d have felt more at ease. Have you considered therapy for your OCD or been to the doctor? It must be extremely stressful not being able to go anywhere for fear of things like this.

Im sorry I think YABU. The grilling would cook any germs off and you can eat beef raw. If you never expose yourself to germs your body has a harder time dealing with them.

I think you need to address your OCD as this is a bit of an OTT reaction to most people, although I understand it certainly isn’t for you with your condition and would have been hard for you to deal with.

You will be projecting these fears onto your child and think about if you want them to go through the same struggles? You solid can’t expect others to stick to your standards in regards to handwashing etc.

I know OCD is hard and all consuming having someone close suffer with it so I am sorry it affects you and hope you can overcome it somehow.

Honestly I was taught food hygiene many many years ago in a 3rd world country so there is really no excuse in this country for a lack of it - especially if you expect others to eat the meat and chicken you are handling.

OP, I don't know why people are taking such issue with this. OCD or not, I wouldn't want to eat anything where food hygiene isn't being observed even a little bit.

Restaurants are entirely different - staff and chefs are all aware of proper hygiene, they're inspected, there are repercussions for breaching hygiene rules and laws.

And yes, germs are everywhere, but that's also not even remotely the same thing as playing fast and loose with the possibility of e.coli etc. and even salad can harbour it, there was an outbreak only 2 months ago.

I don't think you were unreasonable if leaving was the only way to manage your OCD and keep yourself mentally safe. I really don't.

Frankly, if someone can't cope with a basic bit of handwashing and using different tongs then I don't really care whether they think I'm rude.

Agreed, and I don't think anyone has to have OCD to be put off by that man's level of food hygiene. What she described is really disgusting. I wouldn't have eaten his food, either.

I think when most people go to a bbq or eat at somebodies house they don't even notice the cooks hygiene. It's not something that would make me leave no.

I am quite relaxed about these things though.

But she wasn't concerned about the actual meat. She was concerned that he was touching the raw chicken, not washing his hands, and then touching loads of other stuff that wasn't being cooked.

I’m pretty chill about most things, but I’m also a single parent and bitter bitter experience tells me trying to look after my child whilst fainting on the toilet due to food poisoning, is far from bank holiday fun.

Id either have taken over the cooking myself or had to leave too. Steak, burgers etc I might have tolerated, but raw chicken juice all over everything? Fuck that.

I won’t go to any barbecues because of this sort of thing. I’d be buying FIL a set of barbecue tongs for Christmas!

The OCD has no relevance here actually. It's downright poor hygiene to not wash your hands after touching raw meat. And rubbing it down your trouser leg? Yuck.

I don't have OCD, but I'd be appalled at that person's complete lack of basic hygiene.

I'd have handled it differently to OP though. I'd have had a go at him & told him he was risking my child's health & then stormed off.

Grilling meat doesn’t kill the germs that the bloke has on his hands does it? He’s there merrily touching the salads, the bread rolls, the utensils, the drinks and the cooked meat all with his filthy hands. Everyone knows it’s basic food hygiene to wash your hands when you’ve touched raw meat. I’d bet he doesn’t wash his hands when he’s been to the toilet either.

Two sets! One for raw, one for cooked

This!!! I'd have left with my child too.

In some countries people BBQ every day. My sister has her BBQ like an extension to her kitchen and uses it as much as her hobs or oven

Are you a Saffer? 😃

I have been to 100s, possibly even 1000s too.

Sorry OP, I think YABU. Invite him to yours next time. Then you get to have some control over how the food is cooked.