AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

I don't have OCD or anything like it and I sure as hell wouldn't be eating after seeing what awful hygiene was at play.
Much less allow my children be put at risk.
My husband wouldn't risk our children either.
OP you are not wrong.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to decline to eat anything. However, leaving altogether because people don't cook to your standards feels a bit extreme. I agree with your standards btw, they're not wrong, but I also see a LOT of people do things I wouldn't in their own kitchens/BBQs, so I don't think this is off the scale abnormal/abhorrent.

Do you generally like/get on with your PIL or is this symptomatic of other problems with them/the relationship?

Oh, well in case you don't realise, salad doesn't get cooked, therefore there will still be bacteria on the food after being touched by raw meat hands.

You also shouldn't cook people, which means raw meat bacteria will still be on them too after being touched.

The NHS is on its knees because most people are meticulous about hygiene? That doesn’t sound right - Is this a hygiene hypothesis assertion?

I thought it was down to changing demographics and better treatments that cost more.

No because so many people are saying its NOT NORMAL to be hygienic. Sorry my brain was scrambled.

Don't even want to think about the door handles

You’re not supposed to eat burgers medium rare, they’re supposed to be fully cooked through.

If in doubt precook chicken, yes he should taken more care!

I totally agree with you OP
i wouldn’t eat a single thing at that germaque
Touching raw meat, then the salad, the buns, cutlery etc is asking for food poisoning.

Let your husband eat contaminated meat all he wants and leave him to cope with his own dose of the ‘wildies.’

YANBU OP and I think you'd have had some different responses if you'd simply described what your FIL did without mentioning your OCD.

I bet OCD makes you notice stuff like this more, but it doesn't mean you're wrong to react to it. Poor hygiene around raw meat is dangerous. The number of E. coli organisms needed to cause illness is absolutely tiny iirc - less than 20? It can and does kill small children.

You are quite right about the hygiene but you are very rude to have just got up and walked off, your partners father will obviously have wanted to see his grandchild

its quite obvious that you don’t like the man

For your daughter's sake you need to keep getting help. You can't live this way.

Flu season can hit the NHS hard but food poisoning as in this scenario is not a big burden, even though it's increased in recent years. And since most food poisoning originates in restaurants and other commercial catering it's not particularly reasonable to attribute it to the hygiene habits of the general population.

Same.

I really wouldn’t have given a fig to be honest. I’d be more worried about the stress you’re passing onto your daughter though. She missed a family get together over something which most people don’t give a toss about. She’ll end up getting a complex and issues such as yours. You also left without saying anything which is bloody rude for starters. Maybe next time, stay at home and let your DP and DD crack on and enjoy.

did you have to leave? i can understand declining to eat any of the food.. but making a big scene and leaving? was that absolutely necessary?

YABU

You could either not have eaten or just decline the food and maybe brought food you and your daughter liked. I'm vegetarian and unless I know that there is a separate space on the bbq and separate tongs I won't eat but would attend and just being my own food unless their was salad and bread.

This is one of the reasons I never go to bbqs - the lack of hygiene and probability of undercooked meat is a complete turn off for me - and I don't have ocd.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader i’m afraid it isn’t just chicken you can get E. coli from. All meats, burgers in particular, cheeses, even salads. It’s a nasty bacteria, and it does kill people in the UK every year. Children have died this year because of E. coli.
I am qualified in food safety, to an intermediate level. You cannot take risks like the OP’s relative did.
We are going to see a rise in food borne illnesses in the U.K. because of austerity, lack of government funding for environmental health officers, etc. Just watch what is going to happen over the next few years.
OP, you were not wrong, at all. It’s a shame there has been such a lack of understanding, and I don’t think you have an OCD issue regarding this. Wiping hands on trousers is not on. Difficult to tell someone though who has no idea about food hygiene. They’ll get all uppity. You were right not to eat anything.

I don’t have OCD and this would bother me. I’d probably then not have eaten and not let my child eat! Shocks me how many people cook like this!! Maybe avoid BBq’s again!

Therapy might help with over the top sensitivity, which isn't the case here.

The OCD is a total red herring, no-one should expect others to be happy about a lack of basic food safety.

If you invite others, follow the basic standards.

The OP had no reason to bring her own food, because she had no idea that there would be this issue.

Additionally, being a vegetarian is good enough explanation for bringing your own food. Imagine how awkward it would be bringing your own food because... you don't trust the cooks hygiene? It wouldn't really help with the hurt feelings.

This

Yes he was smearing meat juice everywhere.

A very telling thread...

Wash hand before touching food
Wash hands and utensils after touching raw meat(s)
Wash hands people, WASH HANDS