AIBU for leaving my DP's dad's BBQ?

[startinganewforonce]

Just a quick one because I do feel like an AH, but was IBU to leave my DP's dad's BBQ because he picked up burgers to put on the BBQ, didn't wash his hands and was touching everything?! I have contamination OCD and raw meat is my biggest fear. I was getting angry and upset and had to go, DP was mad as we had our two year old with us but I have heard about what e.coli can do young kids and it's a fear of mine..

The thing is, you can’t discreetly leave these things. You took your daughter and left for a reason that wouldn’t even cross the minds of 98% of the population.
Why did you tell your daughter she had to go and couldn’t stay?

You ruined it for your dd. You need to sit down with your dp at a time when you are both calm and explain that he has to go alone with your dd in future because it isn't healthy for her to be around you when you are getting angry and upset about germs. If you explain to him how damaging it will be for your daughter he might back off a bit in future.

These replies are weird.

If you'd said that someone in the kitchen picked up raw chicken and then just didn't wash their hands and was touching other things in the kitchen, touching other people etc, that would rightly be considered very unhygienic.
This was chicken on a bbq, and he just wiped his hands on his jeans? Gross.

He doesn't sound very understanding of your OCD.

If you made your child leave too, yes you’re being unreasonable. Don’t go next time, let your partner take your child.

This exactly?! And everyone saying to let DD go without me next time like she's the reason I don't want to stay there, I'm not risking her getting sick! I'm being told I'm overreacting but does anyone here want raw meat all over them and their food?!

It's basic good hygiene though. I get the OCD element here but even that aside no one should be eating that man's food

No I would have also been horrified & not eaten anything. There's usually salad or something you could eat instead though so I probably wouldn't have left.

Yeah and all the statistics about men not washing their hands after using the bathroom and handling their unmentionables.

I would get twitchy (fear of vomit).

And I have twitched at a BBQ - I just got a bread roll and had it with the cheese and salad on offer and no one noticed. Made sure my children had a burnt burger.

I was right to twitch at that particular BBQ as the host phoned us the day after asking if we were OK... some others had dodgy tums.

You could take veggie burgers/sausages..

The world is full of germs!
Door handles, phones, keyboards.
Maybe seeking some kind of help to deal with germs?

This is my opinion YABU

I agree he wasn't handling food in a hygienic manner.

But I'd have maybe had a quick word with him and said something like "sorry Jim, you know how my OCD affects me. I'm going to do a couple of burgers for me and mini-me. Sure you don't mind. Thanks"

And I certainly wouldn't have left without saying anything. I think that was rude. If it'd been an indoor, sit down meal would you have left without a word? Or would you have found a way to stay without eating the offending food item?

You were not being unreasonable. Too many people are idiots and happy to play russian roulette with hygiene standards. You made an informed choice to excuse yourselves instead. Fine.

I think the DPs reaction to your wish not to attend is a bigger problem.

Couldn't you have cooked your own burger, sounds like you didn't want to go anyway and looked for any excuse to leave.
A bit unfair.

YANBU! I’d have left early too, would have made something up!

Yabu, you could have just not eaten or grabbed a sandwich etc germs are everywhere

If it was a situation you were finding hard to deal with, then you weren't unreasonable to leave, but I think you should have left your DD with DH.

If you have this problem around meat then perhaps a BBQ or being in someone else's kitchen when they are cooking is not somewhere you should go?

You are not wrong in saying that this is how it should be done, but the reality is that most people adhere to some aspects and not others, or absent mindedly touch stuff. It's what happens in most kitchens every day of the week.

It's your issue, so you need to be in control of it and decide what is acceptable to you and what isn't and avoid this type of situation occurring in the first place.

No because OP would have had no idea what the meat hand man had touched and put germs on. This OCD thing doesn't have an on off switch. It's a tough one.

All the best OP

Do you eat in restaurants?

Could you not have eaten something else? Or just not eaten?

I think you need to stand up to your DP and make it clear you won't be going in the future if you're that uncomfortable.

The world is full of germs!
Door handles, phones, keyboards.

Well yeah - but I bet you still wash your hands after handling raw chicken.

In restaurants you don't see the chefs usually you also know the chefs are trained in food hygiene. Even so, a lot of people with OCD or phobias might struggle to eat out

I would of done the same, I have cronic IBS and an bout of food poision can easier send me to hospital been very unwell.

Hi Op,
I completely empathise with you. Unfortunately, I have very similar anxious thoughts. For example, I can’t eat at anyone else’s house unless it’s my sisters or parents home. We had a BBQ recently and I was able to take my own marinated meat and cook it. I have learnt some strategies to help cope with it but still struggle. Not everyone is going to have the same thoughts as you so I can understand why your DP was annoyed. It might be helpful to take your own food next time or go with a full stomach. It’s not fair on your spouse/child to leave.