To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Take his phone with you when you want him to watch him. He's shown he can't look after his kid and he on his phone. It sounds like he's not even able to register that he's supposed to be actually looking after his son.

Aside from the relationship dynamics (he sounds shit, disinterested and checked out and you have essentially created the problem by not closing the door) you need to secure your house so your toddler cannot escape.

He is obviously not safe to be left looking after him and sees childcare as your job.

But as the person going out you do need to double check you have shut the door.

Once is a foolish mistake, twice is ridiculous. YANBU and I don't think I could get past it. Especially the nonchalant attitude after both scary incidents.

I mean yes you need to be more careful to check the door locks, but flipping hell, he’s not noticed his two year old walk past him and out the door? That’s pure negligence! What a waste of space!

Is he always this useless?

Sorry OP, but I think you're being unreasonable, as unless you're trying to say that your DP got up and opened the door so that your DS could get out, then it is your fault!

You seriously need to be more careful with closing the door. Once I could understand but it's twice now. What comes to your partner he is completely checked out of parenting and you should break up. He isn't taking care of his own child and doesn't give a shit.

Forgot to say, I hope you're ok OP. Try not to panic regarding SS since you're obviously a caring mum. However I think you should take steps to leave the relationship. He stated his own child his not his responsibility. That tells you everything you need to know. And the treating you like shit is not a separate matter. It will only get worse. Get out as soon as you can is my opinion.

He is not on your team. If you want a partner, he is not currently it.

I can accept some last responsibility for it, we have a big weird front door and it takes some big clicking to shut it fully, sometimes you just don't realize. It's no excuse though, however feel that he should be paying enough attention to see DS or even hear him. If it goes silent for even three seconds I panic DS is up to no good and I always make sure he is safe and where he is.

He should be dumped not just for being dangerously neglectful, but for having the unmitigated, entitled gall to say his own child is not his responsibility. He's trash, OP. A useless, worthless loser.
Don't bother to threaten to leave him. Just do it. He isn't going to change.

She asked him to watch the kid, he patently wasn’t watching the kid! Even with the door closed there are any number of ways a toddler can hurt themselves inside the home, that’s why someone watched them!

You need to make sure you shut the door properly each and every time. You simply cannot leave the front door open and unattended with a mobile child, even if a parent is paying attention it only takes seconds for them to bolt and be in danger.

I agree it’s awful he didn’t notice or bother to take care of your son.

So he has no interest in looking after his own child, and no ability to be a competent adult? You need to LTB, and he only gets supervised visitation. Your child’s safety HAS TO come first.

(you also need to secure your house - once is an accident, the second time is on you).

Of course he should, otherwise what we’re saying is that if the door was closed, the kid wouldn’t been fine on his own. That’s obviously not the case… so he should have been watching him!

Lol my last words were watch him and make sure he doesn't go upstairs (DS is obsessed with the stairs at the moment and takes himself up there to play in his room but he ripped off his Stargate and we've yet to replace) and then I come back to see he is infact not upstairs but outside.

There’s a bigger issue here. Her partner can’t be bothered to even pretend to care about the safety of his own child, viewing as not “his responsibility”

A row ensued where he raised dhis voice and stormed off and now he's back and apologizing. But I'm very very cross and upset.

On both occasions you should have close the car or front door properly - that is on you.

your partner is useless

I bet he soon notices when his phone goes AWOL! Is he like this in all aspects of parenting?

Ask him if he understands what he is apologising for. Get him to explain it - what he did wrong, what needs to change, and how he is going to make the change.

i suspect he won’t be able to.

He’s not apologising because he is sorry, but because he wants peace.

He can be very old fashioned in the sense that it's his job to be the bread winner and provide and my job to look after kids and house etc

Christ! What’s the point of him if he can’t look after his own child for five minutes?

I agree. He wants peace and doesn't want to fight. He's said he will be more vigilant but th infact remains I left th door open so it is my fault.

He isn't caring for his child. He doesn't view it as his responsibility. He can't be trusted to care for him because he's more interested in his phone. Are you sure that DC can't open the door himself? He might be trying to find/ follow you. I started locking the door when I realised my daughter can actually open it herself. I also put the keys out of reach because she could actually unlock the door herself from 3.