To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Oh and in response to your question - YADNBU.

I was bloody furious at this kid’s parents and I don’t even know him/them.

How dare he be fucking oblivious to his small son! He is an idiot.
I think you need to lock the door behind you when you go out though as there seems to be an issue with it.

My lad is also very tall and is a brute for his age. He can reach the handle on his tip toes but I've never seen him try to open it.

You have a toddler, a front door that doesn’t close properly and no stair gate. You both need to toddler proof your house asap,

You both sound equally to blame. With one of you missing from the equation the situation simply doesn't happen.

How ridiculous. He is a waste of space

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

This isn't another matter, this is the core of the problem. I'm sorry, but I knew the relationship was in a bad place and the two of you weren't parenting as a team as soon as you described launching into a blame-placing argument when your 2 year old went wandering up the street. It's clear you're not happy with this partnership at a deeper level, and that won't be fixed by arguing over individual incidents because your feelings about these individual incidents are driven by your feelings about him as a partner and father.

You're not content being effectively a single parent with financial help from him (I certainly wouldn't be either) but he thinks that's perfectly fine to expect of you. If he isn't genuinely willing to make changes to get to a place you're both happy with then unfortunately it's time to make your exit plans.

So you're glad you're not married and he's a useless parent. What's the point in staying together. Split up now before your DS is older and more affected

Obviously he’s not capable of watching a child for a few minutes. Your house doesn’t sound child-proofed but if anything that should make him more vigilant. He does realise his son could have been killed by a car?

He needs to go and your house needs child proofing. Even if you have to have a gate built a few feet in from the front door, bolts high up on front and back doors. Small kids have no sense of danger.

He obviously needs to watch him properly but you need to be extremely careful about closing the door too.
And replace the stairgate asap!!!

You said, "Please watch dc for me." This is very telling. He needs to watch your joint child- for you. This implies he doesn't see his own child as his responsibility. Something needs to change.

100% this. I bet if his phone went missing for a nanosecond he'd be frantic.
My exdh was like this, always on his phone, i could never, ever trust him with dcs safety. That became apparent very early on and it was incredibly difficult for me to understand. Dd almost scalded herself with hot water as a baby on her father's watch while i had a shower.
One of the reasons hes now an ex. I hated how he never priorotised dcs safety over his phone.
Yes you should have shut the door properly. But he is neglectful. Ds could have just as easily come to harm in the house.

A bit torn on this, tbh I would have let my 2 year old wander in and out the room because I would assume they were safe, gates on stairs etc, but I would probably be chatting to them all the time. I wouldn't have immediately jumped up if they walked out the room because I would assume the door was closed. That said I wouldn't have left it long to check on them and if I couldn't hear them I would definitely be checking

YABU and so is he. You know the door is weird. Every time you go out, you double check or lock it. DP didn't get up and open door for DS did he?

Are you sure he's not letting your DS out on purpose to punish you?

If the door is so tricky he'll have to get up off his arse & come & close it behind you.

You both sound very careless but he was the one supposed to be watching your son. It sounds very lucky that nothing terrible happened.

Your dp is useless. Please find a way to stop your outside door from opening when you go out. A large bolt should suffice. But only do that if you have another door they can get out of. My dd has a garden gate that can be locked so the dc can’t escape. Is that an option?

Your ‘partner’ is beyond useless but you’re not covering yourself in glory either OP - accidentally leaving the front door open twice and also staying with a guy that is obviously a danger to your son. Sorry but if I were the neighbours I’d be phoning SS just in case as to me it wouldn’t seem like your child is being particularly well looked after.

Why do you keep leaving the door open?!

Your partner has no excuse. Everyone knows that you have to follow toddlers around 24/7 unless they are safely contained in a safe room with a stair gate.

Your toddler could have been sticking forks in plug sockets, sitting on the cat, pulling an iron cord and clocking themselves on the head, eating washing powder, climbing a bookshelf, literally anything.

Your partner is a bagoshite and there are no excuses for not knowing where your toddler is at all times.

Our front door opens onto the pavement. We have a back door and DS plays in th garden but we do have a gate that's locked and bolted with a padlock so he would not be able to get out.

The door could be wide open her husband should have been watching the child.

Keep the door locked, when you are in the house and every time you leave. keys not left in the lock, chain on the door, top bolt, loads of options that you should already be doing whether you have a lazy partner or not. Stairagte screwed to the wall/stairs not pressure fit. You can blame him for all sorts but neither of you are keeping your child safe.

I don’t think either of you sre covering yourselves in glory here. He should watch his kid and uou need to stop leaving the front door open.