To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Yeah, I'd move to as far away in the country as you can get, or even move countries. I wouldnt want him having shared care or every other weekend with your child. And the thing about you splitting up is he would be entitled to shared care.

It sounds very likely he wouldn't want to share care, he seems incredibly uninterested in the child now, but I wouldn't take the chance.
Run far, run fast before anything horrible happens to your child.

I think you need to close the door as well. If my DH has gone out I'd assume he'd closed the door and not think DS has gone outside

He is a joke. Your child is not safe being left alone with him anywhere even with doors closed!

A very large part of my decision to leave my ex was when I returned home from getting the shopping and my 2 year old was asleep on top of toys on the floor by my husbands feet (he was on his laptop sat in a chair). He noticed me putting the bags in the kitchen and asked me I'd left dd in the car. He literally had forgotten she was there and that she'd fallen asleep right in front of him, he was OBLIVIOUS.

If he can't notice what a child is doing he's not parenting. I'd imagine your child is following you because your dh simply ignores them/ his needs.

You are both in the wrong. You need to close the front door. He needs to watch the child but leaving the front door open is more serious imo.

I honestly can't get over his defence was DS is not his responsibility

I'm speechless 😶

The first thing I would do is get a locksmith to check your door. It could be the lock isn’t engaging and is bouncing out when it is slammed behind you or you might want to change it to a different type of lock. Your DH should have checked the door when you left seeing as he was in charge of your DS and there has been a previous incident. It’s common sense.

Does he bond with your son at all? I.e. are these two incidents a temporary loss of focus or part of a consistent pattern of being disinterested in his child?

BTW I also have a two year old very determined explorer who has caused panic a few times, solidarity OP. These things happen

Why is the house not secure?

He sounds like a shit deadbeat type dad if what you say is true BUT you choose him and know that yet have repetitively left your child in what you know to be a dangerous situation.

Yes he should be a better dad (millions of men 'should' be better dads) but your job is to protect you DS and your not doing that. Leaving a child with someone you know to be unsafe and in an unsecured environment (two separate issues) multiple times is now on you.

You can leave your DH but you will still need to start securing the house and/or taking DS with you regardless.

His child could have died, twice. If a grown adult man can't look after their own child for a few minutes without losing them, they shouldn't be anywhere near children.

I'm assuming he isn't in a, "dream world" when he's at work?

Just shut the door properly.

You can’t expect him to follow your child from room to room on the off chance you’ve left the door open. It is reasonable to expect a child to ve able to roam freely and safely in their own home.

How many times are you not going to shut the door properly? Personally the first time would have been enough for me to make sure I shut it properly next time.

You can't trust him to take care of your son. Stop leaving the child with him and make the house secure.

I'd tell him that the next time this happens, you'll ring the police and report him for child neglect yourself.

I'd be tempted to give the DC a nice, big bowl of soapy water, a washing up sponge and his father's most treasured items (apart from his phone, but only because he's going to be glued to it), then make sure you close the door behind you properly.

But chucking him out sounds like an easier option.

Going outside is not the only way your child can come to harm. His Dad isn't going to look after him within the house either.

He's a dick by the sounds of it and does 100% need to step up and come into 2024 instead of living in 1954, but at the same time you should have made sure the door was closed especially as it hadn't closed properly before.

‘please watch DS for me.’

Your use of this phrase says it all. He made a child. He is 50% responsible for raising that child. He is not doing you a favour when he looks after HIS child. It is not your job. It’s a shared endeavour. This is unacceptable of him - if he is in charge the he should know where his child is. I think you need to set down some very clear boundaries now and if he doesn’t change then leave him. It won’t get better. He sees it as your job and probably sees all domestic tasks as your job.

He sounds way too careless for my liking, your child could've been killed! I'd LTB..

Stop leaving the bloody door open!!

it’s not hard.

2 year olds do not need relentless supervision in their own homes. They’re secure safe places. Unless some muppet keeps leaving the door open.

if I came downstairs and discovered my toddler outside because my husband left the door open and he tried to pin that on me I would be livid.

When they are toddlers you absolutely do need to follow them room to room!

You are both irresponsible and your child will end up paying the price. Do better.

Are you my neighbour??

Twice now in two weeks we have found this little boy wandering into the road. You’d think the parents would be more vigilant after the first time.

We had to keep our doors locked from when my youngest was 18 months old. He's tall and he would open the doors and do a runner.

I don't know am I?? The neighbour that found him is also my close friend so I don't think so.