To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

I did think this, I know he can reach the handle but I've never seen him actually open it, it can be stiff so I would be surprised if he could open it. He is a very clingy boy and a mummy's boy so it's possible he was looking for me.

He is said his own child is not his responsibility? He actually said that?

I would suggest he pack a suitcase and leave the home immediately.

Why aren't you closing the door? Stop trying to solely blame your partner and start closing the door FFS.

You said "watch him for me". This implies DS is only your responsibility and your partner agrees, evidenced by his behaviour.

He's a pathetic excuse for a father and partner.

He lives in fucking dream world most of the time evidently.

Saying that, leaving the door open twice is too.

And I do accept some responsibility for both occasions. But my argument is even so how has it been allowed to happen where DS has just toddled last him, down the step and out the door.

Don’t want to pile on you but it kinda is both of your fault. Both times.
You need to make sure 100% you have safely secured the door so that your young child can just not get out. You’ve done it twice now.
He needs to be more present so he notices if the young child gets out. He’s not noticed twice.

Absolutely no point either of you blaming the other. 50/50 you are both at fault here.

Why is it not his job to look after his child.? Another great dad, not. He might provide for you both and be good in other ways, but seriously he needs to step up to the plate with his child

Why is it your responsibility?? It's his child!!

That’s the bit I don’t get!

Fuck me. I don’t think this relationship will do you well in the long term.

It’s HIS SON TOO he should give a shit enough to care and make sure he’s safe! Just because you carried your child doesn’t mean your partner, the father, can absolve all responsibility. Honestly this kind of thing makes me so mad!!

Oh and if you couldn’t tell, my thoughts are YANBU!!!

He is negligent, I couldn't ever trust him with DS. And I couldn't stay married to the parent of my child if they were incapable of being a parent.

We are not married... And honestly I'm glad!!

i have a 2 year old. it takes a split second and parents are human that get distracted. LOCK THE DOOR!!

And I know people have said about securing the door, which yes you could do that better, but ultimately why is a toddler being left to run round unsupervised? That’s the biggest issue.

So, your partner is useless.
Your child could have died, been taken by a stranger, hurt themselves or anything else. It sounds dramatic, it isn't. I've seen these things happen. Ex CP social worker.

You asked him to care for your child whilst you were busy, he showed extreme negligence.

Unfortunately, you now know he is a risk now so if this happens in the future, some of that blame would be portioned with you too.

Ultimately, I would be getting rid of him. He would have to step up in an extreme way for me to even consider having this man in my life.

Would he have had the same attitude if god forbid he got hurt or worse because he wasn’t his watching his own son, I agree with others saying his son is not his responsibility makes him a vile piece of shit. I wouldn’t stay with him after this, he hasn’t even apologised or anything.

It's actually really, really sad that your DP cares so little for his son.

Yabu for not being able to close a door properly.

He is a twat who cant parent his own child.

Not your fault.
You asked him to watch his own child for 5 minutes. You could have left a trail of sweets out the door and into the road and it would still be his fault because he didn't watch the child!
Ask him why he thinks he's not responsible for his own child, he would notice if his phone went missing I bet.

So basically babysitting for another child then. I couldn't be doing with living with a man child. This would be a deal breaker not being able to trust them with our child that he is equally as responsible for and not feeling I could even go out without them.

oh come on! if every parent was so perfect there wouldn't be countless jars of sudocrem eaten and spread on multiple surfaces. my 2 year old is left in the living room playing while i cook sometimes- doors to outside are locked, house is baby proofed. stair gate on.

Ultimately, he should’ve been watching his son and he wasn’t. of course you need to be careful with the front door but like others have said all sorts of things can happen, which is why the little ones have to be watched and his attitude is appalling.
However, if you split up with him, you could end up in a situation where you get 50-50
and are not able to safeguard your child half the time. a family court judge won’t stop unsupervised access over this, ultimately they are unlikely to give a shit about the things you’ve mentioned even though they are worrying and serious. So think carefully, there may not be an easy way through this.
Couples therapy? I have to say I’ve done it three times and each time I’ve been more disillusioned, I think a lot of them are pretty useless. No easy answer here, would recommend not getting pregnant again in the current situation that’s for sure , and just being pragmatic in terms of safeguarding your child, maybe you just have to make sure you are watching him for now and don’t rely on his dad, until you have a better plan at least