To be FURIOUS with DP

[PinkPeer]

Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

And where exactly did I suggest that she lock the child in the house alone? There's no need to make up baseless accusations when the content of the exchange is only a few posts above yours.

She said he opened the door again, I said why wasn't the door locked this time (seeing as it's the THIRD time he's now opened the door by himself), she replied that she was just outside the door taking a delivery when it happened.

I've said it right from the beginning of the thread that the door needs to be locked if there's even a tiny chance the child could open it themselves. OP has now since confirmed that she's keeping the door locked and the keys separate.. good result.

@sandyhappypeople , read your own posts, and OP's latest post.

You are responsible for shutting the door after yourself.

Making your lack of caring about shutting the door your DP problem …. Is the problem.

You are the problem, keep your kids safe. Shut the door after yourself.

I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

This is really the least of your worries. My father was in charge of looking after my parents first child whilst my mum worked evenings, I never got to meet my sibling because my father was a negligent arsehole and failed to adequately supervise his son. My mum never got over it.

Whether you shut the door or not isn't relevant, unless you left it standing wide open, your partner was the adult in the house, you had told him you were leaving and he needed to supervise his child. A toddler might be able to open the front door but not easily if he can only just reach the handle on tip toes. Your partner was so absorbed in his phone he failed to notice his child attempting to open the front door just a few feet away and he doesn't think he is responsible in any way. I even know where my dog is at all times, I can't imagine being so careless about a child.

You have to leave but I have no idea how you ensure your child's safety when he's with his father.

Tbh if the door opens directly onto the street I would always have been keeping it locked with a small child about.

I was literally just coming to ask if he was able to.

you need a dead lock up high where he can’t get to it.

Maybe something like this? Never used one myself so can’t vouch

www.amazon.co.uk/EUDEMON-Childproof-Safety-Install-Adhesive/dp/B08NJPVWCS/ref=asc_df_B08NJPVWCS/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=156180152737128165&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006785&hvtargid=pla-2281435178378&psc=1&mcid=e3182c19e8b237d2be11559aac1679ac&hvocijid=156180152737128165-B08NJPVWCS-&hvexpln=74&gad_source=1

I don't need to thankyou, I know what order they were said in, and I have eyes if I wanted to check.

I know it's difficult scrolling back through three short comments but here they are for you word for word if it helps with whatever your issue is?

OP: PinkPeer · Today 14:54
UPDATE
DS HAS JUST OPENED THE FRONT DOOR BY HIMSELF.
I DIDNT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN

ME: sandyhappypeople · Today 15:08

   <span class="italic">  PinkPeer · Today 14:54</span>

UPDATE
DS HAS JUST OPENED THE FRONT DOOR BY HIMSELF.
I DIDNT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN

I can't believe you've still been leaving it unlocked after all that.

OP: PinkPeer · Today 15:11

     <span class="italic"> sandyhappypeople · Today 15:08</span>

I can't believe you've still been leaving it unlocked after all that.

I've just had a delivery and went out to speak to the driver and closed the door behind me and he opened the door

YOU with your weird accusation over an hour later:
KirstenBlest · Today 16:09
@sandyhappypeople , she was taking a delivery and was just outside the door. Are you seriously suggesting she should lock the 2-yr old in the house alone?

Can he now show his useless father the door?

At least you now know you didn't leave the door open.

Wouldn't be furious, waste of energy, I would be disappointed. (Though relieved DS is safe)

Are you the dad in the op? Or are you completely nuts? Ignore this batshit response op.

@PinkPeer

You sound like you're a single parent already as he can't/doesn't want to look after HIS OWN CHILD! To the point of putting his life in danger...TWICE! FFS. And to try to deflect onto you for not shutting a door? What a useless waste of space. I'd have zero respect or affection towards him & would be looking to separate.

In the incidents you’ve posted about, you are just as bad your useless partner. How often do you forget to shut your front door? You appear to think he’s more in the wrong but you left your front door open, twice FFS! Yes, he’s a uninterested parent but that doesn’t excuse your lapses.

Didn't read the thread?

Spot on

I see the MRA's have found this thread. It's normal to give a shit about your kids dudes! Jfc! Anyone defending this abusive neglectful slug of a man is also giving massive 🚩🚩🚩
If the other parent is not physically there for ANY REASON you don't ignore your child to the point of putting them in danger. Who even thinks like this?! Regardless of anything else, how the fuck is this being defended by anyone with a brain?
Op, leave him. He is punishing you by putting your kids in danger.

Hi op - it’s so stressful having a small child with a partner you can’t rely on. Not sure why it wasn’t obvious to your partner that he needed to keep a close eye on his own child.

I think you mentioned he has a child of 7, and you’ve been together around 5 years… Suggesting his last relationship ended when the older child was two. Maybe this is history repeating itself.

Some of the responses on this thread are so odd. The OP thought (and has now confirmed) that she closed the door and clicked it. The child was inside the house safely, with his FATHER caring for him, when she left. That's all that matters.

What happened afterwards is solely down to the father. If the child was able to make his way to the front door, open it and leave while under the supervision of his father, then the fault lies with the father. The OP wasn't even THERE.

What if the door had been left unlocked because the father was going to pop out himself? Was expecting a delivery? Expecting a visitor? Or even because the OP would be coming back with arms full of bags?

If the father couldn't be bothered to watch his own child, then HE could have got up off his lazy, waste-of-space arse and locked the door HIMSELF, like any normal person would. The child was his responsibility. The mother had left. The door was closed. It's that simple.

Some posters are being real cunts to the OP. Go sort your own lives out, stop trying to feel better and bigger by bullying someone online.

I had a feeling the child was opening the door. Your partner is appalling, @PinkPeer. I hope you can be free of that useless, lazy, neglectful piece of crap soon. 🙏🏻

Question to the posters blaming OP - if she had been the one sat in the room when her child walked past her and let himself out, would it have been her fault or her partner's?

Your DP is a neglectful idiot, OP. Even if the door had been shut first time, there are plenty of dangerous things that an inquisitive 2 year old can get into inside the average home. He should be willing and able to watch his own child for a couple of minutes. Like you, I’d be seriously reevaluating the relationship.

Y on earth r u leaving yr child with someone who has shown they rnt capable, utter madness.

Why is everyone so bothered by who is at fault?

It's not really about fault or assigning blame, what does that achieve? it's about responsibility and both parents having a duty to not put the child at risk... the DH was responsible for the child the first two times it has happened, so is bang out of order (but has categorically told OP it is not his responsibility to look after the child.. prick). It is the OPs responsibility as the other parent and the person leaving the house, to make sure the door is secure behind her. She knows the child can get out, she knows the DH isn't prepared to watch him 'for her'... it really is up to her to mitigate the risk here, it absolutely shouldn't be, but it is, if the roles were reversed I'd think the same.

Pointing out that OP should be locking her front door anyway on the off chance that the child was able to open the door, isn't 'blaming' her for what happened, but she spent the better part of the thread insisting that he can't open the door and it's all DH's fault for not watching him. Valid point but what difference would it make if the child ended up being run over. It was only when it happened again (for the third time) but under her care this time.. luckily she was just outside the door, that she said she has been locking the door now when they are inside.

You shouldn't have to micro manage your husband to ensure your child will not come to harm.. but if you choose to stay with a selfish, lazy, utter prick of a man, it really is up to you to keep that child safe.

Why on earth was he not thinking oh shit. Jumping up and searching for his child.

I can’t believe this is even. A question op. Get rid of the useless man child. Yesterday.

I don't know whose fault it is but I think you should get a baby gate or something similar!