To be FURIOUS with DP

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Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

So u left the door open/unlocked around a small child and he doesn't seem to pay attention to same child. 🤔

This. My husband and I would always have followed our kid if she left the room at 2. They can't really be left unattended for any period of time at all. She wasn't even particularly destructive or a flight risk, she was just 2 and therefore really vulnerable.

He can't be that old fashioned as you say you're not married, it's just his excuse to be lazy and leave all the parenting to you.

I meant from the way OP has described it, it’s as if he just sits there in another room and lets the toddler do what they want unsupervised the whole time OP is absent. I obviously know toddlers can get up to all sorts but the way it’s described it’s as if he’s washed his hands. This is what I was getting at, although perhaps worded poorly!

I think you are being very fair OP and you have every right to be upset and annoyed.
What is most upsetting is that he is putting the blame squarely on you; that is unkind and manipulation on his part.
Take care OP

He sounds useless. However terrible as it is to say I'd think really carefully before splitting up - would you be able to settle with him in sole charge of ur toddler potentially 50% of the time

Both of you messed this up big time -
DP assumed the house was fairly safe and didn't bother to watch the toddler
You did something to make the house unsafe. DP is neglectful because he chose not to watch the toddler. If you'd got back to find DP in the loo assuming the kid was fairly safe in the house while trying to get a long enough break from vomiting to go check on him, you would probably have been blaming him less and you more, but the reality the situation would be the same.

I would have been annoyed at you too. You left the door to a road open when you have a 2 year old, and then blamed your DH when the kid escaped! Who does that?!

I have a 2 year old too and can frequently leave her playing in the sitting room for a few minutes at a time while I go to the loo, or to the kitchen to get a snack. That's normal. You shouldn't have to have your eyes glued on a 2 year old 24/7. However, you absolutely should provide a safe living environment for them. Which means no sharp knives lying around, no rusty nails sticking out of the floor boards, and of course no easy access to a busy road!

I'm confused why so many people on here are OK with a man completely ignoring his child. Are you all seriously suggesting you wouldn't noticed your child leave the house/car? Doesn't matter if the door was fully locked or just pulled to, if you are paying attention you would know where your kid was.
Dump the man, don't let him destroy your sons life with his disinterest and neglect.

Did you though? I'd be wondering.

This.
You have to get rid.

Wondering what? Who are you suggesting left the door open?!

I have a child with SEN. She’s escaped once- luckily a neighbour saw her running down the cul de sac road in her onesie in the rain and thought it was odd. She’d climbed out the window while I was in the kitchen and hadn’t made a sound.

I was absolutely bereft when I found her a few houses down on someone’s side path of their house.

Your partners reaction is fucking weird to be honest. It was my fault and I was in tears and I am so careful now.

Mistakes can happen so I would have forgave the first one, but not the attitude. It happening twice is ridiculous and his reaction is absolutely disgusting to be honest.

He can’t be trusted to look after your child, sadly. And this is awful to say and probably against the grain, but I wouldn’t leave him until the child was a few years older only because I wouldn’t be able to trust that he’d look after him on his own.

As soon as your child is at an age where this is less likely to do things like this, I’d leave him. But until then I’d make sure that every door was locked and keys left out of his reach, etc.

What an awful person, though. The laughing? I actually can’t believe anyone would laugh about that. It’s grotesque.

You shouldn't have to have your eyes glued on a 2 year old 24/7

Yet look what happened when the eyes were off him.

He sounds completely checked out.

You shouldn't have to ask him to keep an eye on ds, the minute you say 'I'm popping to the shops' should be the time your dh understands he has sole responsibility for your child. You shouldn't have to 'ask' him!

To turn round and say 'it's not my responsibility' is utter bullshit. Your ds could have been run over ffs, of course hes responsible, you both are, ds is his child as much as it's yours.

Tbh id make good on your earlier threat and leave him

The tooth fairy 🙄 Who do you think?

Our front door is a joke. You close it and the wind blows it open so you have to pull the handle up or lock it. But regardless, the person in the house is responsible for the child as once the other person has left, they are not there to keep an eye!

Get rid of him OP, he’s a wanker.

Yet another thread that makes me so grateful for my husband 🙄

For God's sake, he made one fucking error. An otherwise hard working guy, not abusive made an error. Now, because of this error, the advice is to split up and the child be raised in a single parent household with either a mother who's doubly knackered or a burden to taxpayers on benefits.
The advice here is fucking ridiculous.

So who's fault will it be when the child falls down the stairs because you don't have a stairgate? You both need to step up and be more responsible.

not his respojnsibilty? so he'd let hhis son climb the stairs aswell beause hes not watchhing him

it doesnt matter what te situation is he doesnt care

It shouldn't matter if the door is closed or wide open, he needs to be proactively watching the child.

Bin this useless oaf.

He didn’t make one error though … he made 2 just letting the child escape twice. He made more by being on his phone constantly, more for believing he has no responsibility to his child, more for expecting his partner to do ‘woman’ duties … this list goes on …

He’s not interested in his own child - why TF would you stay with someone like this - imagine if something worse happened - how would you live with yourself then? He’s on the phone while his child is halfway up the street. What a fucking useless father.

This is very serious, if I was a neighbour and had seen this happen twice I think I would report it to social services. You’re both lucky your son is still alive and well,

You need to be more careful with the door obviously, but really all sorts of risks can arise. Your son should not have been out of your partner’s sight. Certainly if he is it needs to be because he is in a safe and secure place for a brief moment.

I don’t think your partner can be left to watch him again until he can show that he understands. I would consider yourself effectively a single parent in that regard.