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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was my husband unreasonable? Maintenance

254 replies

lifeuniverseeverything · 21/08/2024 19:52

My DD has a friend she's known since primary. This girl has lived at our house for months while her mum was travelling and they're inseparable. Both got into university.

Friend's parents are divorced. Acrimoniously. Her dad was supposed to pay maintenance and child support but his previously highly profitable company suddenly/ mysteriously found itself making no money so he's paid nothing.

Mum working 2 jobs hence the travel.

DDs friend gets a maintenance grant but not a full one because of her dad's previous income. Her mum is barely holding on so DH and I discussed things and decided to take both girls university shopping for stuff today, and we'd pay. Friend was very grateful and happy.

We stopped for a coffee (in a retail park) and who should park in a space in front of us but friend's dad and his new girlfriend. Anyway he sees DH (initially not me, DD or friend) and moseys on over to say hi. This is where the AIBU comes in. DH shook his hand, got introduced to the girlfriend and then said loudly "Very sorry to hear about the business failing. Must have been such a shock. Any time you fancy a pint (on me!) let me know. Also, don't worry about (friends name). We love her and are happy to get all her university stuff for her". Girlfriend froze, he froze, it was funny and awful at the same time, then he saw DDs friend and scarpered.

This is the was husband unreasonable question. Friend loves her dad. She hadn't seen him for ages and was really hurt when she saw him vanishing. I think DH should have just zipped it and perhaps he'd have stayed and spoken to his daughter who ended up quite upset.

DH is bullish and said "the man's a c*#t and I'm happy I embarrassed him".

OP posts:
Madamecholetsbonnet · 21/08/2024 19:54

Team DH but what a cunt to ignore his own child like that!

Scotteacher · 21/08/2024 19:54

its a shame the dd was upset but I do think it is too rare that someone actually gets shown their arse like that.

Farmwifefarmlife · 21/08/2024 19:54

Good on your husband I’d say! Did the father not even speak to his own child? If not he’s (already for no maintenance) a poor excuse for a man and father!

RaininSummer · 21/08/2024 19:54

I agree with your husband. What an awful man and poor girl.

buttonsB4 · 21/08/2024 19:54

I'm team DH all the way with this one!!

That man is most definitely a cunt!

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2024 19:55

I would have done the same thing as your husband to be honest. If he hasn’t bothered to see his child anyway then I can’t imagine he’d have hung about to chat to her with his new girlfriend in tow, so his daughter would have been left upset anyway.

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 21/08/2024 19:56

Good on your husband.

The DD will know as a result that there ARE decent men who can look out for their kids (and their kids’ friends), even if she is gutted that her dad scarpered.

I think your husband is brilliant!

AgathaSultana · 21/08/2024 19:57

Love that your dh did that, good for him!

AgnesX · 21/08/2024 19:58

Well done your husband. Hopefully it'll shame the man into doing something. I suspect not but you live in hope.

The girl may love her father but even if your DH hadn't said anything it must have really hurt her to see her father knowing he'd been ignoring her.

Poor child.

Procrastinates · 21/08/2024 19:59

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2024 19:55

I would have done the same thing as your husband to be honest. If he hasn’t bothered to see his child anyway then I can’t imagine he’d have hung about to chat to her with his new girlfriend in tow, so his daughter would have been left upset anyway.

Agreed. Let's be honest he's hardly going to want to stop and speak to his child in front of his girlfriend who probably doesn't even know he has a child if contact is that sporadic.

Your husband did absolutely the right thing to call him out and I hope he felt suitably embarrassed although unlikely as he probably made up some stupid lie to explain it all away.

Blanca87 · 21/08/2024 19:59

your husband is a dude. This world needs more people like your amazing husband.

mushpush · 21/08/2024 20:01

You both sound like lovely people and I'm like the others, on team DH!

Peakpeakpeak · 21/08/2024 20:01

Procrastinates · 21/08/2024 19:59

Agreed. Let's be honest he's hardly going to want to stop and speak to his child in front of his girlfriend who probably doesn't even know he has a child if contact is that sporadic.

Your husband did absolutely the right thing to call him out and I hope he felt suitably embarrassed although unlikely as he probably made up some stupid lie to explain it all away.

Yes, that was never going to happen unfortunately. The poor DD.

MrsPostmanPat · 21/08/2024 20:01

Good on your DH!! Showing him up is exactly what he deserves!

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2024 20:02

Team Husband all the way. I think your husband was quite reserved.

LatteLady · 21/08/2024 20:02

I would say he (the other father, not your DH who I rather like the sound of) was most definitely hoisted by his own petard Three cheers for Mr LifeUniverseeverything!

I used to buy the children in the family next door (all five) their new stationery when they started secondary school, a real vicarious pleasure for me, as I love stationery! And as my mum would say, an ounce of practicality is better than a pound of pity.

Pieandchips999 · 21/08/2024 20:03

Ha your husband is my hero. The idiot would have scappered anyway by the sound of it. I hope he was suitably embarrassed. I feel sad for your daughter's friend but I don't think that's on him.

Iloveacurry · 21/08/2024 20:05

Well done to your DH!

FUBAR77 · 21/08/2024 20:05

👏

lifeuniverseeverything · 21/08/2024 20:06

Blanca87 · 21/08/2024 19:59

your husband is a dude. This world needs more people like your amazing husband.

Oh. I I don't think I will show him this thread! He'll be insufferable.

The thing is other dads have met friends dad previously- he's still swanning round Richmond in nice pubs etc living in a flat his cousin apparently pays for. They've all been polite to his face and then bitched later. I just think DH should have put his bullishness away and thought about friend.

OP posts:
AgathaSultana · 21/08/2024 20:09

lifeuniverseeverything · 21/08/2024 20:06

Oh. I I don't think I will show him this thread! He'll be insufferable.

The thing is other dads have met friends dad previously- he's still swanning round Richmond in nice pubs etc living in a flat his cousin apparently pays for. They've all been polite to his face and then bitched later. I just think DH should have put his bullishness away and thought about friend.

DD friend is an adult though and knows what he's like

countrysidelife2024 · 21/08/2024 20:09

team husband, i would have pissed myself laughing and cheered for him.

FOJN · 21/08/2024 20:10

Nope a man calling out another man for being a scumbag is commendable. Useless dad would not have scarpered if he wasn't guilty of lying and not paying for his child.
Men get away with being arseholes because everyone is too polite to say anything.

Hankunamatata · 21/08/2024 20:11

I think your dh was pretty epic in his approach. Made his point while being friendly. The dad can't say anything as your dh was so nice

CheeseyOnionPie · 21/08/2024 20:11

Go your DH! People like that deserve it