Was my husband unreasonable? Maintenance

[lifeuniverseeverything]

My DD has a friend she's known since primary. This girl has lived at our house for months while her mum was travelling and they're inseparable. Both got into university.

Friend's parents are divorced. Acrimoniously. Her dad was supposed to pay maintenance and child support but his previously highly profitable company suddenly/ mysteriously found itself making no money so he's paid nothing.

Mum working 2 jobs hence the travel.

DDs friend gets a maintenance grant but not a full one because of her dad's previous income. Her mum is barely holding on so DH and I discussed things and decided to take both girls university shopping for stuff today, and we'd pay. Friend was very grateful and happy.

We stopped for a coffee (in a retail park) and who should park in a space in front of us but friend's dad and his new girlfriend. Anyway he sees DH (initially not me, DD or friend) and moseys on over to say hi. This is where the AIBU comes in. DH shook his hand, got introduced to the girlfriend and then said loudly "Very sorry to hear about the business failing. Must have been such a shock. Any time you fancy a pint (on me!) let me know. Also, don't worry about (friends name). We love her and are happy to get all her university stuff for her". Girlfriend froze, he froze, it was funny and awful at the same time, then he saw DDs friend and scarpered.

This is the was husband unreasonable question. Friend loves her dad. She hadn't seen him for ages and was really hurt when she saw him vanishing. I think DH should have just zipped it and perhaps he'd have stayed and spoken to his daughter who ended up quite upset.

DH is bullish and said "the man's a c*#t and I'm happy I embarrassed him".

People like this don’t do right by their children no matter how many opportunities they are given. I’m sure your friends daughter would have ended up upset whatever your husband had said.

Is it possible to have a crush on someone's husband you've never met? I bloody love your husband for a) agreeing to support this young lady and her mum and b) standing ul to her prick of a dad. More people should call put shotty behaviour like this. And whilst it's sad she saw her dad like this, at least she's had a decent male role model in the form of your husband.

People like your husband are far and few between.

Well done DH!

People like him get away with it because people don't call them out.

They need a change of yearly income form and it will get reassessed. We did this when our income reduced. It's needs to be 15% lower than the original figures which were entered.

Brilliant. Good for your DH. What a bastard.

100% more men need to do this. Thank you to him!

It’s one of those things that somehow women are expected to do if anyone and it’s wrong.

The bad dad deserves to be shamed and hopefully it might make him think twice about the way he treats others knowing there’s consequences.

Warming you guys are looking after DD friend too. Good luck to the girls at uni.

Your husband is a genius.

Your DH is a legend.

You have been taken for a ride by this scrounger Dad. He deserves all he got from your DH. Good for him.

Another one for team DH.

Just as an aside.. DD’s friend should look at her student finance again.. I know it’s the case where I am in the UK that if you read it properly it is household income, not parents’ income that they ask for. The only issue is if the split is very recent as they ask for income for the previous tax year (so the one ended April 2023). So the XH’s business might not be relevant.

Yes we did this when DH was made redundant, it went down from thousands to a few hundred quid. I remember going into work and couldn't tell my mate because I was sobbing with relief

More people need calling out for behaviour like this. Good on your husband

Your husband's a LEGEND!!

I agree with other posers - if they are divorced his income has no impact on her student loan - it's the RP's income that counts - mine get the full loan as it's based on my income - despite their dad being a well off tight arse!

Please extend a hand shake to your husband- the man's a legend 😅😅.

If more people exposed these twats they'd do better. I'm hoping the girlfriend's shock leads to her dumping the worthless twat too 🤞🏾.

well done to your DH for calling him out - so hurtful for your daughters friend though to be blanked by her own dad

With regards to student finance if the parents are divorced or separated they only use the parent who the child is living withs income so she may well be entitled to more maintenance money depending on how much her mum earns . Also just wanted to say how lovely of you and your DH to support your daughters friend in this way -

Sorry OP your DH is absolutely in the right and frickin awesome at the same time!

Yes your DDs friend was upset at her Dad but that is much much deeper routed then your DH calling him out to his face for his shitty behaviour!

#TeamDH

that great what your dh did I think the spineless toad would have made a run for it anyway regardless of what was said

poor girl and how lovely she has so many people in her life that truly love and care for her

I suspect the new girlfriend will be off soon now she's found that the money well is dry, if indeed it is.

Team DH The Legend here, too.

Need more men like him in the world!

Well done your husband. Not unreasonable at all. I hope your daughters friend is OK. It's great she has people like your husband and yourself looking out for her.

Team DH here too. If her Dad had a conscience and a spine he'd have taken your DH's comments on the chin and been glad of the opportunity to speak to his DD, but instead he slunk off like a cowardly arse.