To be worried about future with older partner who has no private pension?

[powerwashingqueen]

I'm early 40s, he's mid-50s, been together 15 years. Not married, no kids and no plans to have them.

He doesn't talk much about finances. We pay for the house and bills proportionately based on annual income, so it's around 70% me, 30% him, which leaves us with similar 'spare' money.

I've found out today that he has no private pension or retirement plan whatsoever, and it's made me feel really anxious. I've asked him how he plans on funding himself when he retires on, what I'm assuming will be, just the bog standard pension. He just kind of shrugged and said I'll still be earning for another 15 years after he retires.

I have a very healthy pension pot, which I've paid into since starting work aged 21.

I had to take myself away to the study and told him to leave me alone for a bit. It sounds as though he's just expecting me to continue to work and pay for everything. Yes, I am younger and will be working for longer, but I don't think that means I should just stump up for everything, especially when I already pay so much more.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

I don't even know what options he has available at this stage in his life.

You are a prime "nurse with a purse" candidate and are already being trained to subsidise him,.

The age gap plus lack of financial planning would have me running for the hills.

I’d be fuming. Why isn’t he paying into a pension? He needs to start now. Will he get a full state pension?

There’s no way you should be funding his retirement. You need to tell him this.

Yup, you have a Grade 1, stereotypical, feckless 'cocklodger' on your hands - I take it from your post, and the division of financial input you have described, that you are the higher earner and more fiscally savvy?

His working history is a bit odd- he's done stints of self-employment and some flexible hours arrangements following some health issues. He's currently contracted but part-time. I'm assuming that means he'd get state pension?

It's worth noting that both his parents are still alive and healthy, in their 80s. They have a house worth somewhere around 750k. Maybe he's expecting money from that as inheritance?

Wow - what an assumption on his part! I’d tell him he needs to work out how he’ll fund his share of the household expenses when he retires as you’re not increasing yours.

I would never live with someone unless I knew the ins and outs of their finances. Give what you have said I would get out now before he retires or your longed for retirement will be miserable.

If you can get his NI number you can go online and check to see if he has contributed enough for the full state pension, suspect he will not have....
When doing the check scroll right down to see his expected pension.

Is he going to sit at home with the heating on while you work!
What does he bring to the relationship?

He needs to go on to the government gateway site and check his national insurance contributions record. That will show him - and you - how many more years he needs to work and contribute NI payments in order to qualify for the full state pension at 67. Currently the pension is about £180 a week. Part time work qualifies - I’ve done part time for many years and I’ve got full NI contributions now at 57. A few of my contribution years are added on as I’ve claimed child benefit - five, I think. He won’t have those. He’ll probably need to work well into his 60s.

Or you could have a good think about whether you want to stay with someone who is just assuming you’ll fund him.

I would genuinely 100% consider leaving him

15 years and you didn't know this??
I think he is going to make you very poor in retirement.

His parents money could disappear very quickly if they need care.... so he's a fool to count on getting that.

I'm not the best with money but even I've got a private pension. That would really worry me, OP.

He does have a pension😜

Is he an only child? It's likely that it is what he's relying on if so. Though as we all know now, if they need care in the future, particularly nursing home, that could all get swallowed up

@quickturtle, that's kind of the thought process I'm going through now... do I want to stay with him given this news?

@Firenzeflower, I know. I feel stupid for not having thought about it or clarified it sooner. He made some comment when we bought the house about being 'fine for retirement' and I just assumed that meant he was paying into a fund.

There's a reason men approaching fifty target women15 years younger than them.

Why did you move in with him anyway?

He is clearly expecting you to subsidise his retirement!

@Justonemoretime8910 , no, he has one older sibling, but the sibling has multiple businesses of their own and does well for money. He's very much the 'baby' of the family.

'Nurse with a purse' is bang on, and very few can guarantee an inheritance.

This would give me the ick. I’d seriously be questioning how much he cares about you if he’s happy to let you keep working and fund him. I’d plan to leave. Totally gross to have an old man at home that you need to look after and pay for.

You’ve been together 15 years, has this never come up before?!

Are you happy paying 70% now? I guess as you both currently pay a percentage it isn’t unreasonable of him to assume that would continue….

They've been together for 15 years.

This would anger me. My DH has less of a pension than me but is a higher earner and has been happy with me taking control of all the finances so between us we will have a decent pot. When is he planning to retire? When are you planning to retire? I think you need to put some figures down in writing and ask him where the funding gap comes from.

Given that he works part time and you work full time I assume he does all the housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry and life admin?

Sounds like his retirement plan has always been, "Find a younger woman to fund me."