To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

How do you know that? I would be very sad.

Mine won’t either but I feel relieved. How do you know that they won’t. There are many ways of having children these days.

How many children do you have and how old are they? It's not unreasonable to feel sad but I probably wouldn't mention to DC.

Please don't make your children feel guilty, or speak to them about how sad you are.

I'm an adult child who chose not to have children, and despite being sure of this since I was a teen I'm still being guilt tripped age 40 for it.

Well Grandchildren are never guaranteed, so it was a mistake to expect them. You need to focus on developing a full life without them.

It's ok to be sad, it's not okay to tell them you're sad though

I don’t have any grandkids. That ship has sailed.
Sometimes I get wistful and think it would be lovely but that’s very rare.
It’s a crap world we live in. Society is broken. It’s going to get worse. The world is destroying itself.

With those thoughts I’m glad I don’t have grandchildren such that I never really think about it and certainly don’t discuss it with my offspring.

It's not unreasonable to feel sad, as long as you don't put any pressure in them or make them feel bad about it for you. People can have a good life without children or grandchildren.

Mine won’t either , can’t say it affects me at all

You're not unreasonable to feel sad, I mean if people are allowed to feel happy about grandchildren the opposite should be true. You're also not unreasonable to seek support for how you feel as long as you don't let on to your DC. Obviously it would be very unreasonable to burden your children with this.

Of course yanbu. I have seen how happy being a grandparent has made so many people I know.

It's never unreasonable to feel the way you feel about something. How you handle and communicate those feelings could make you unreasonable of course

I have no idea if my children (early 20s) will have children and honestly I don't mind either way. With the world as it, in some ways it would be quite a relief if they didn't (fewer people to worry about) and with our working hours I don't know how much we could help them even if we wanted to.

Try not to be sad - there's definitely much more to life than grandchildren in my view.

You are entitled to feel however you feel.

Obviously it wouldn't be reasonable to express it to your dc though.

Could you find any other ways to fill the need you feel? Volunteer in a primary school, maybe? Is it and urge to nurture kids you're feeling?

Both my children live abroad. They don't want children. I have 8 step grandchildren but I will never have a biological one. I feel your pain. It's utterly heartbreaking x

If it’s something you’re very sad about, are there opportunities to deepen other family relationships? A colleague of mine has an excellent relationship with her niece and has a very close relationship with her great-nephews who she takes care of a day a week and spends time with at weekends.

Not unreasonable to feel sad about it. It’s normal to feel sad about not getting something that would be meaningful and joyful for you.

You would be unreasonable to indicate to your children that you are sad. Nobody owes their parents grandchildren, and it would be unfair to make them feel guilty about a decision they are entitled to make (if indeed it was a choice for them, and not something they are unable to do).

This is a personal grief you will have to work through on your own. I hope you are able to find peace with it.

It's not unreasonable to feel sad. I'd feel very sad if my kids wanted kids and couldn't have them for some reason or another but it's not as sad if they are actively choosing not to have them.

I don't think any of my four adult kids will have kids. They all have fantastic partners and good jobs etc so they could have kids if they wanted but they don't. They don't want the responsibility and they simply arent into kids. I respect their decisions. I think there are lots of pluses to choosing not to have kids. I know one or more of them may change their minds but I'm happy either way.

I don't know what your situation is OP, but have you ever considered doing something like childminding/volunteering with early years? :) I came from a family where both my working parents where older - and all grandparents had sadly passed on - I never met any of my biological grandparents.
But I grew up with a fantastic childminder during childhood and I kept a very strong bond with them growing up! They were so important in my life and development. I attended her funeral last year sadly, but couldn't believe how many happy memories came up with her.
I remember dearly my 'Aunty Gwen' - who had never been able to have any kids of her own. But gave all of her childminding kids the same attention, fun and games she definitely would have given her own.

One of mine may. One definitely won't. I'm really not bothered at all.

As someone who is struggling with infertility, I feel sad for my parents everyday. They are the ones who remind me to put myself first, everything is secondary.

Well, do your children want their own children?

If they're struggling with infertility then YANBU to be sad about that - because it will be a big sadness in their lives too.

If they don't want kids and are living their best lives lives without them, then YABU and need to accept that they are happy without kids.

why sad ?

Having GC can cause lots of issues in your life.

I can relate to this (I'm also struggling with fertility) - however - it's important to remember they have already had their children and raised them, an opportunity you haven't had yet. It's much sadder for you than it is for them. It's also not your fault, so do not feel guilty about it xx

I can't understand anyone who says they will be "heartbroken"?! Really?

There are a lot more things in life to be "heartbroken" about. 🤨

With respect, you had your turn and made your own choices, it's not about you now. Any adult dcs have the right to make whatever decision is best for them without the weight of your expectations or disappointment. You'd be grossly unfair to put this onto them. Take up a hobby!