To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

Is it sad? I’m trying to think why it’s sad.

I mean why is it expected or a given that every adult human will have or want children.

How does or would not having a grandchild genuinely affect my life.. no babysitting, no worry of my daughter in labour, no extra costs for grandchildren, no being the favourite or not granny. Not having possibly sons or daughter lumbered with deadbeat/useless baby mummy/daddies.

Unless you mean sad about your bloodline dying out or such.

Yeah this is plain weird.

I don’t really care either way if DC have children. I am already worried enough about the shit lives they will have as a result of ageing demographic, environment and housing crisis. I can’t see things suddenly improving for GC.

If DC were experiencing infertility and we’re upset, then yes, that would make me very sad. Aside from that, no difference to me.

The only friends i have desperate for grandkids worked full time when their kids were young and they missed loads. So they want kid's to have a second chance of it all. Is that something you feel op?

Grandkids sorry

Honestly if my child decides to not be a parent out of choice I'd be happy for them. Having kids is tough and you can have a brilliant life without them. If your child wants to be a parent but can't because of infertility or some other reason then of course you'd feel sad.

This!

I think its OK to feel sad and recognise it (but not to push onto your children).

It's not likely my children will have children (disabilities) and I will be dead in a few years at the longest (terminal medical crap condition that will not behave).

If I think about it, sometimes I want to cry. But there's fuck all I can do about it. So try to enjoy what we have.

It's not unreasonable. Don't guilt trip your kids about it.

Yes this. It’s ok to be sad, but not ok to mention to them.

My mil didn’t think she would have any - I met her son and we have three kids. you just never know!

I think anyone who has experienced the love of a parent for their child might want their own children to experience it. And little children are very lovely (especially if you can hand them back) but I wouldn't be devastated not to have grandchildren. There's lots of other fun to be had. I have thought about reading with primary school children at some point (too busy at the moment). The main thing is not to breathe a word of how you feel to your children.

I have 2 siblings and I and them don't and won't have kids.
My mum was always so stressed bringing us up and it seemed like she resented doing everything a mum does. I have always been a disappointment to her.
Honestly although it may be disappointing, I don't think you should have kids with the expectation you will get grandkids. It isn't the default option that people feel they have to have them anymore.

No YANBU to feel that way, I'd be sad too. It would only be unreasonable if you tried to guilt trip your DC into becoming patents.

I accepted long ago that my DC would not give me GC. My SD does have a DC, which I hoped would give me the opportunity to play a GM role, but sadly that DC has additional needs which mean they will never have a proper relationship with either of us. That causes more pain than I can ever express, except to my therapist.

There really needs to be a facility to match people who want to be grandparents with parents who want their children to have grandparents, but either have no parents, or disinterested ones. So many threads on that side of the coin too.

Your feelings are your own, but need to be kept to yourself.

Have you considered working with young children to bridge that gap?

Not unreasonable to feel sad. Your feelings are your feelings.

If you were to voice those feelings to your children or put pressure on them that would be unreasonable (but you've not said that this is happening)

I'll never have grandchildren because my only child died. It would have been lovely, but I don't dwell on it, what's the point? Just make the most of what you DO have.

One of kids won't have children, the other I think might do, but if he leaves it until his thirties like me and DH I will be in my seventies, so won't have that many years of active grandparenting.

I have often thought that the world is getting harder and harder to live in and if dc decided they didn't want children I would totally understand why and wouldn't be upset at all.

I would be sad too, but I would keep it to myself.

I understand OP. A loss of what might have been.

I’m not sure if either of our DC will have children of their own. To be perfectly honest though, with the state of the world, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for them to remain childless. I’ll be sad though.

DH and I build our businesses and manage investments to accumulate wealth and security. I do wonder who will inherit our money, properties and things after without grandchildren in the picture.

YANBU to feel the way you feel but YWBVU to mention it to your DC

I'll be very sad if any of my DC desperately want children but aren't able to have them, for any reason.

But if none of them want children then I think overall I will be relieved.

@Jjiillkkf yes I understand it’s disappointing because in a perfect world it’s expected , find a guy , get married have babies . But try to never mention your disappointment to your children as you never know what they are going through , some people have infertility problems that they would never discuss with anyone , or can’t have kids for some reason , and imagine if you said to your child that you’re disappointed that he/she doesn’t want kids , just imagine how she would feel inside if she has fertility problems … she would feel like a failure . I’m in the same position , I’m my 30’s , fertility issues and people in family asking when I’m having a child not knowing I’m struggling with it . Oh if they only knew that I’d love to have at least one child but at the moment this has not happened , and I wish to god it does on day . But even if no fertility issues , it’s still okay for adults to decide what’s best for their life , because at the end of the day , having a baby is going to mess a lot with the baby’s parents life more than anyone else’s and maybe they are not ready for this kind of commitment to give up their freedom .