To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

It‘s not unreasonable to feel sad (without pressurising your children in anyway) but you can’t know you won’t have grandchildren unless your children have died - they may change their minds or end up unintentionally pregnant and decide they want it after all (I have a friend about to gain a second grand child this way, from a child to who was definitely never having children).

Unless you don’t have children you literally can not know so I’d focus on trying to enjoy what is your power to choose. I Hope you find happiness.

Not a given

What if your daughter regrets having a child? People do.

I know for a fact that I will never have grandchildren. Both of my children cannot or just don't want them and I have got used to this. Funnily enough I am the person my friends grandchildren come running to when they want unbiased, non-judgemental advice/have a bitch session/sounding board for decisions, etc.
My son just laughs and says its just that I am unshockable and tell it as it is.

I know a lady that volunteers and helps out at a baby and toddler group, and her own children are grown up. I always thought that it was really nice of her to volunteer and take the trouble to drive quite far and give up her time every week to help out at the group and share her experiences and wisdom with the newer mums.

Mine and my partner's mothers first became grandmothers in their 80s. And partner became a Dad in his late 50s.
I would love to have grandchildren too.
I'd love to have another child too, in a hurry because of biological clock. I love them so much. So I kind of understand.
xx

I see nothing wrong with sharing with her that I would absolutely love her to have children when she is ready…(also because she is a lone child and I would love her to have her tribe when I’m gone, and most of all, I would hate her to regret or miss on the joys of the motherhood journey..

Dear God, do not share that with her. What if motherhood is a journey she has no interest in already and you’ve heaped pressure on her, or she comes to regret “the motherhood journey” (not everyone finds it a joy, you know)?

Don’t be “that” parent.

Yes but the difference is you'd feel sad for THEM not yourself.

I have 2 sons and a daughter, none want children!
Initially I felt sad about it, but hey ho not my decision. And honestly the way the world is now, I don't blame them one bit!

It is what it is.

Definitely do a playgroup or something, it isn't weird on your own. I've already decided I want to help at one (any one will do) when I'm retired because I know I'll be bored at home 😆

..there are no guarantees in life…it would be her decision in the end …but choosing to live with open heart, optimism, and faith in people worked well for her…. .It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…

I absolutely don't want to be a grandparent! I have 2 children 1 is disabled and will not live independently and the other she may have a child but I secretly hope she doesn't! I would never tell her and would be supportive with whatever she chooses but I am secretly wishing she doesn't. The way the world is going with climate change and also I don't think having children was this massive profound thing If I could decide again I wouldn't have. I know having a disabled child has a lot to do with that but it's the life with have and wouldn't wish it on anyone honestly. It's genetic condition and we all as family have it various degrees and that could also effect my independence daughter' potential child. Which is another factor.

Serious mental illness runs in our family, and both my sons (early to mid twenties) are experiencing the debilitating effects of trying to start life with such problems.

At the moment, I am glad that neither of them express any desire to be parents. Secretly, I hope that this remains the case and they can live their best lives, without the prospect that their children will experience the hell they have been through.

If I feel grandparent broodiness as I get older, I will foster kittens.

I love my kids but it wouldn’t bother me at all if I didn’t become a GP. I’ve had enough worry bringing up two children I don’t really want to be worrying about gc as well if I’m honest. Great if I am a GM but not an issue if I’m not.

You can be sad but you can’t do anything about it, so you need to get over it as much as possible.

Volunteering is a good idea. What about Squirrel Scouts? They are aged 4-6. This will be my third year as a Squirrels leader and I love it!

I'm not bothered if mine do. Call me cold and heartless.

I'm hopeful I don't have them due to climate death

There's no need for more children/grandchildren

I wont be having gandkids because i never had kids my self.
And it dont bother me.
My mother always told us growing up (think before you open your legs and make sure hes dressed for the occasion if not walk away a child is for life not for 18 years) she was very blunt.
Along with if you have them you look after them kids are a big responsibility and you will always worry for them you may have grandkids that you will worry over.
Life will never be the same again.
What you earn is not yours its for the child you will come second for a very long time.
What if the kid grows up to hate you what if the dad legs it.
She was not wrong just blunt.
I knew from about 13 i did not want kids on the pill at 15 till 22 then had sterilisation done.
I still make suer hes dressed for the occasion i will not risk it.
I dont get on with my mother but i do thank her for being upfront and blunt.
Watching the struggle she had raising 5 kids as a single mum.
She didnt want us to go through the same.

You can’t help how you feel.

However, YABVU to assume having children and being a parent would have or will fulfil your adult children because you found it fulfilling.

I know many grandparents feel like you and look forward to being grandparents, but I can’t help but think it puts unnecessary pressure on adult children who actually may not want them but feel they have to because of their parents’ desire for grandchildren.

I have children, wanted them but I found it bizarre and insulting after I graduated uni being asked when I was going to settle down at 22 and then again at 24 with my parents and younger sister saying I should have a baby and telling me their plans for said baby with no thought to what I wanted. I would live with them, they would turn one of the rooms in their home into a nursery and they would help me take care of the baby. No mention of DH who I was in a relationship with in this scenario. I was working minimum wage jobs at the time after moving back in to help them care for my maternal grandparents while they were at work.

My father’s reasoning was that many of his friends had grandchildren and he wanted some too and both my parents pointing out they had me at 23, ignoring that I was 2 months early, needed care, my mother had almost died, and they were struggling financially for the first few years of my life where my mum moved with me hours away for a job for a year.

I love my children and a part of loving them is wanting them to be happy. If being a parent makes them happy, great, if it doesn’t, that is great too. It is their choice if I become a grandparent so to me it is not my concern or anything I have control of, therefore it doesn’t matter to me if I become a grandparent.

There are plenty of ways to interact with babies and children without becoming a parent.

I’m really surprised at just how widespread the view is on here that it doesn’t matter whether people choose to have children or not, or even that it’s a good thing not to.

At the end of the day somebody has to have the children, or we’re all sunk. It’s not just a matter for the individual, separate from every other individual. Nothing wrong with collectively giving people a nudge in that direction imo.

You think people should have children out of duty/obligation to society, rather than because they want them?

Not really. It’s more that for obvious reasons it seems like we should collectively act like the default is in favour of having children, and being surprised that that very much doesn’t seem to be case on this thread.

There are far too many people. It would be good to have a significant drop in the burden we place on the planet.

My Mum's friend had one son and no grandkids. She was so sad about it but totally out of her control. She heard all her friends talking about grandkids and probably felt left out. My DC have brought so much joy to my Mum.

After lots of ivf we came to the sad conclusion there wouldn't be any children.
Now that I'm older I do find it sad that I'll never be a grandmother and as you said there's something about it being the end of the line .
No one will remember me .

Do you know for sure? My parents must've given hope in their 70s of having them but suddenly they got 3 in the same year as we all became parents later in life! Xx