To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

“Many of us look at the state of the world and have decided not to bring children into it” — when people say this (there’s quite a lot of it on this thread), what do you mean? The idea seems to be quite common atm, but I never understand what’s supposed to be so bad about the present day (or why one would express such a personal matter in macro terms).

It's pretty damn offensive to suggest someone is missing out, having chosen to not have children.

I don't feel for a second I'm missing out on anything, especially seeing my friends with small children.

Why are they missing out if it's something they didn't want?

This .

Your feelings are perfectly normal and not unreasonable.
It's only unreasonable if someone makes their kids feel bad for not having kids or lets them know they are sad about it.

I don't understand posters who don't understand why someone would be sad about this. I say that as someone who is never having kids.

I think your feelings are understandable op.

It is okay to be sad but I would be sadder for my children if they wanted to have children and couldn’t.

I’d beware of projecting too many of your own feelings onto your children, even in private - presumably they know their own minds and don’t feel the same as you do about having children.
It also feels a bit disrespectful to assume the reasons behind their choice or how they will feel later - I’ve seen many comments online from people in their old age saying they never regretted not having children, so “regret” isn’t a given for your children, either.

For what it’s worth, I certainly don’t feel I’m missing out myself by being child free in my 40s. I also find life hard enough sometimes just looking after myself, never mind anyone else.

I hear you!
But I don't let anyone guilt trip me.

Climate change? There are many other things that others might include, like housing crises, difficulties finding jobs, how AI may affect us in future… but climate change is probably the biggest as it’s already affecting all of us to a degree, and it will make things more unpredictable and unstable as it progresses.

My two eldest are adamant that they won't have children. I do feel sad at that prospect. I always dreamed of being the head of a family of children, their partners, their children when I got old. I always loved our family get togethers as a child and always longed to have the family my nan did, to preside over. I still love the idea of being a nan to do all the stuff I was too busy to do when mine were little, to be a proper nan who can indulge them like my mum could with mine.

I'll be gutted if I don't get to be a granny! Obviously I won't air my disappointment but I'd like some cute kid time before I depart this planet and it ain't coming from DS any more.

Especially if friends have grandchildren and are cooing over photos. I might feel a pang if my sister's daughter has children as is likely. I know my own 3 won't

But with climate change, I already worry about the lives my own adult children are going to experience, let alone a younger generation.

I also love the freedom I have now if I'm honest. I worked in early years for a long time and loved it but it was nice to leave the noise behind!

@Sskka · Today 19:27

“Many of us look at the state of the world and have decided not to bring children into it” — when people say this (there’s quite a lot of it on this thread), what do you mean? The idea seems to be quite common atm, but I never understand what’s supposed to be so bad about the present day

I find this 'the world is a bad place, that's why I'm not having children' line really odd too. I remember a cousin of mine saying this in the 1980s when she was in her 20s. 'The world's a wicked place. It's no place to bring children into!' she said.

It was no worse in the 1980s than it was in the 1940s - in fact it was a bit better. 40 years on from the 1980s, (now in 2024,) it's no worse. Not much better but no worse. There are 3 billion more people now compared to 1984, but the world isn't any worse. Several hundred years ago the world would have been a much worse place to live - for most people (particularly the poor!)

I am baffled by the 'I'm not having children as the world is such a terrible place' comments. Always have been. People act like the current day (2020s,) is the only point in time that has had societal problems.

Cousin went on to have 2 children by the way - in her mid 30s.

No, you aren't unreasonable to be sad. It is your emotion and you are entitled to it.

You would be unreasonable if you ever let them know you are disappointed in them or pressurising them in any way.

Same boat here, so i understand your sadness..
Neither of my DC and partners want to bring children into this world.
I can understand their viewpoint 100%, and while i'd adore having grandchildren, i have to admit i too would be fearful for their futures.

I would be utterly heartbroken. (Yes, really.)

YANBU

Are your dc female?

Unless you’re doubting your own parenting skills and ability to raise thinking adults, I reckon you need to give your adult DC more credit. They won’t have just woken up at 42/45/50 and realised “whoops, forgot to have children, was too busy buying shit and having fun!” They will have thought about it. If they are women especially, they will have had other people in their faces making them think about it at some point. If they’re in their forties and fifties they will know plenty of people with children, will have seen what’s involved in raising them, and taken an active decision against it. Worrying about whether they are fulfilled in their choices is a bit sad: you surely raised them to follow their dreams, and they have.

Same with us, one can't, one they don't want to have children.
We have traced our family back a few hundred years. two direct lines, mine will die out after my son. The cousins one will continue.
Ho Hum. It would have been nice. . . . . but not to be. On with the show!

This comment nails it for me.

You feel how you feel. As long as you don't guilt trip your children then that's fine,

It seems rather 50/50 whether any of our three DDs ever have children of their own. To be honest, I am fine with it either way. If I get to be a grandma then that would be lovely. If I don't then that's cool too. Their choice, and not my place to do or say anything.

arent you concerned about the catastrophic effects of climate change?

my 2 are 18 and 20. Whilst I would love them to have children and enjoy the parenting experience, my fears for my own children are bad enough re the climate.

i wouldn’t wish my fears on them, especially 20+ years down the line.

You got to be a mum. Be thankful for that, not everyone is that lucky.

My DDs are 23 and 20. The 23 year old has always loved children (as a young teen she was regularly handed babies to watch at church to allow parents to have a coffee/chat). I would be very upset for her if she was unable to have children as it is something that would be so important to her. The 20 year old recently told me that she can't ever see herself having children. I would love to have grandchildren some day but I would never voice that to my DDs.