To be sad about never having grandkids

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Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

It will be more common to not have grandkids. Many people only have 1 child and if that child can't or doesn't want kids that's it. Obviously many people don't have kids so no grandkids. I can't say I'm bothered now my dc is young and a boy so who knows.

I feel this way about myself. I'm 42 without children. My family are fairly 'good stock' too allegedly but I am an only child. I'm gay, which obviously doesn't help but I've also never met the right person. If I had have, I may have found a way.

This is a really lovely way of putting it.Being a Mum is amazing.

It’s not unreasonable at all. I have one DS and I would be sad if it never happened but of course would never let on. He is only a teen. Like anything, you have to let go and find other sources of fulfillment. Let yourself feel it but then move on and busy yourself. Consider all the things you can do with rest of your life/ money etc Not easy, but you’ll get through it

I have no idea if my children will have children, that's up to them. They are my absolute joy and I am as enchanted by them as I was when the midwife put each one of them in my arms. It has been an absolute privilege to be their mum and I would be ok with whatever they decided.

I completely agree. Just because OP requires children and now grandchildren and the continuance of her bloodline to be fulfilled it doesn't mean the rest of the world does.

Very much love my children but i won't lie, I've not enjoyed parenting, one of mine can't and the other two are still too young to say for sure but I doubt they will which is fine with me tbh.
I think I'd rather they get pets than have children, but it's not up to me.

YANBUto feel sad but it is you who have had this expectation when really you shouldn't have.
Just make sure you don't send them on a guilt trip about it.

I like the pp who said you've been lucky enough to be a mum, which is right.

I'm also a bit. 🤨 Life isn't supposed to be easy. The point of having kids is to raise them to be resilient and able to cope in the face of adversity. People have lived and will continue to live through worse things than Western Europe in the 21st century.

Awww that's lovely.

I don't have a clue if mine will. In some ways I hope they do because they don't have any siblings.
But what will be.
I don't know if I'm just getting old but the world seems a terrible place alot of the time, I totally get why the birth rate is falling, it's very hard to have faith that the world won't be a horrible place to live for most people in the future (maybe it already is)

It is what it is, please dont make them feel guilty. I have a friend who is infertile and her sister had to have a hysterectomy I her 20's (both due to endometriosis). Their mum will never be a grandma. It's sad but has to be accepted. As my mum always says....... 'you never know what's going to happen, you could get run over by a bus tomorrow' 🤣 she's right - accept life for what it is and make the most of it whatever the circumstances xxxx

Yes, very much this is the perspective I need to focus on, it's very true.

My daughters are the two older ones, I suspect they may have wanted children but unstable relationships and partners inflexibility have to some extent contributed I think. Its a remote possibility my son will that's true. Partly my grief is for them, to potentially find themselves very alone in late life but of course that could happen to any one of us.

I have thought of volunteering at a play group or something, many of my friends go with their grandchildren but it feels like an odd thing to do without my own. Perhaps that's ridiculous and I should consider it more seriously.

Thank you for your kind responses.

A lot of prospective GP will pass away before GC are born.

Most people I know are having their first DC are around 40 often with partners who are a little older. If that’s replicated in the next generation the GP will need to be well over 80 or even nearer 100 on the fathers side before their GC are born.

Even now I know a lot of people who lost parents to old age before their DC were born.

It reminds me of having seen Fleetwood Mac a few times, and Mick always comes out at the end to wish everyone a safe trip home “in this increasingly crazy world we live in”, and I always think ‘love you Mick, but tonight’s arena show must be the least crazy night in Fleetwood Mac’s entire history’.

Anyway I always did wonder whether people were sincere about fearing the modern world or if it’s just something to say. But it seems like it is genuine. I don’t see it myself.

I always knew I wanted children, and I was fortunate to have two. Would I have them now if I was looking to start a family, considering how the world is right now? Most likely not.

My daughter doesn’t want children. Not sure about my son. If I don’t end up with grandchildren (whether genetic or adopted), I’m at peace with that.

Both my children live abroad. They don't want children. I have 8 step grandchildren but I will never have a biological one. I feel your pain. It's utterly heartbreaking

If your hypothetical GC lived abroad you would very rarely see them anyway. Would that utterly break your heart too?

I see a lot of this yearning and almost entitlement for GC from people who know they messed up parenting and want another go. I'm not saying that's you of course.

I just want my son to be happy ultimately.

I'd love to have grandchildren and I would be disappointed not to have any, but it wouldn't be a great tragedy as long as my child was happy and living the life he wanted.

Not all of us are cut out to be parents. I never wanted children and, at an age where I might be "expected" to have grandchildren (or, around here, probably great-grandchildren - a neighbour in her early 80s has two great-great-grandchildren, FFS!) I have absolutely no regrets.

My (much younger) sister has two children, mainly because her husband expected it of her. Our mother was thrilled by this, but (fortunately for her) sis lives on the other side of the world, so Ma could just turn up every couple of years and play at being granny. Poor sis now has three grandchildren under 7. She didn't particularly enjoy being a mother and is very unenthusiastic about the endless babysitting.

I wish you were my mum Op. My mother has 4 grandchildren and she could not be less interested.

Its not crazy at all.
You are never unreasonable to feel what you feel.

You may can volunteer as a mentor mom in a local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) type group. When my DC were born, I lived near a military base. A lot of the young moms in the group I attended didn’t have any family in the area. The mentor moms in our group often filled a grandparent type role for the kids. A lot of those kids are university aged and still have that relationship with those mentor moms.

Dp mum used to go on about it when he visited. It made him.uncomfortablw and he has told me he used to either go home or have to tell her he was going home if she didn't stop.
She died and later on 2 grandkids came along when she had been dead 8 years, so she never got to see them.
Just the way it was.
nothing is guaranteed.

Could you volunteer for Homestart? You would be matched with a mother and baby that for whatever reason need some extra support. My volunteer watches my daughter while I have a much needed sleep, shower, hospital appointment etc. My daughter and her are extremely close, and this marvellous woman has become a member of the family,

The play group my mum take my son to is run by 2 older ladies and they have some older
ladies doing the teas/coffees and snacks so it isn’t completely abnormal or strange. Its a play group that run in a church hall so I think they are all
ladies that attend the church. If you wanted
to volunteer I’m sure you’d be welcomed, you would probably just need to have a criminal records check (CRB) done.

Absolutely do some volunteering! There are many ways and many things you could do that I am sure a family would really enjoy. My Mum (in her 70s now) works for some families doing a bit of afternoon nannying type work which she really enjoys.
She is in the UK and I am in Germany so she can't do that for us. I wish we had someone else that did. It would be lovely.
It is actually fairly common to put out an advert for a "part time grandma" in Germany to help with childcare (especially since primary School finishes at 1pm, but that is a whole other thread).

It may help you to consider that having children these days is not the same as having children 20,30,40 years ago.

Mine are (young) adults. A friend had a baby last week and I felt worried and sorry for them.