To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

No one will remember me

In all likelihood, most people aren’t remembered after a couple of generations. I couldn’t tell you the names of my great-grandparents.

People who are remembered do something that makes a difference, and you don’t need kids to do that.

@Sskka

I’m really surprised at just how widespread the view is on here that it doesn’t matter whether people choose to have children or not, or even that it’s a good thing not to.

At the end of the day somebody has to have the children, or we’re all sunk. It’s not just a matter for the individual, separate from every other individual. Nothing wrong with collectively giving people a nudge in that direction imo.

@Sskka

Not really. It’s more that for obvious reasons it seems like we should collectively act like the default is in favour of having children, and being surprised that that very much doesn’t seem to be case on this thread.

There are enough people in this world who want children, (and some end up having quite a few!) for some people to NOT have them. The population of the world is THREE TIMES MORE than it was in 1955. Just 2.7 billion people in the world then, it's now 8.2 billion.

The world population of humans is not going to die out. Even if a third of adults decided now that they were not going to have children, the human race would not die out. As a poster said, it's ridiculous to have babies as some kind of duty to society!

no one will remember me

If it makes you feel any better:

Even if the human race does manage to not end itself, eventually the sun will swallow and destroy the earth. If still humanity has escaped to the stars, it won't escape the eventual heat death of the universe.

Our greatest artists, writers, celebrities, scientists. No one will be remembered past a certain point at all. Every monument, work of art, book and landmark will be destroyed.

So cheer up.

😵‍💫

Your children do not owe you grandchildren. It's their life, their decision. If you've placed your hopes on being a grandmother to cover for empty spaces, think about what's missing in your life... Perhaps you need a passion, study, hobby, or a new life plan. Whatever yoo do, never tell your children how you feel. Their life, not yours.

@JudithOx
Where did OP even hint that her children owe her grandchildren? She expressed a private sadness which, as she said, she would never share in real life. Did you read her post?
I don't think she needs 'fixing' with a bit of rather patronising advice.

"No one will remember me"

I sometimes think about my father who died when he was 60. I remember him with love and it's possible that my sister sometimes remembers him, but after we have gone I doubt anybody else will as even my oldest two children have no memory of him, though they met.
Having grandchildren won't make a difference to whether the average person is remember in the long run, nobody beyond their grandchildren would have known them.

Have you considered being an after school nanny?
Koru kids app may suit you. You wouldn't have to do everyday, just 2 or 3 if you wanted.
I know mums who would have snapped you up to look after their kids.

@Jjiillkkf I just came back to tell you about something I saw today, our local hospital had volunteering opportunities to cuddle babies in the neonatal unit when parents can’t be with them and to help their development as staff don’t always have time. I wondered if there might be something similar in your area.

What a patronising post! Don’t you think the OP knows this??

You are not being unreasonable. Two things can be true at the same time - 1. You love your children and respect their right to choose how they live their lives, AND 2. You would have loved to be a grandmother and you are very sad it's not going to happen.

It's not the same looking after other people's children, taking up a new hobby, travelling etc etc. For some people being a grandparent is a uniquely fulfilling part of later life. There is plenty of sympathy, quite rightly, for those who can't have children, but little understanding of how painful it can be for some not to be a grandparent.

There's a very good book called Guide To No Grandchildren, by Emily Wells. You can get it on Amazon.