Am I really that U to change name at work?!

[Misting]

Recently got married and getting my surname changed to my husband’s name everywhere, including at work. The main reason for this is that this is a second marriage and my current surname still links back to my first marriage. I feel it’s finally time to put a close to that chapter and switch to my new married name. It links back to a very unhappy marriage from my younger years and I should’ve changed it years ago. Equally my maiden name is rather unfortunate, so never felt attached to keeping that either.

Ive successfully changed my name everywhere besides my workplace, which I requested recently. Upon speaking to colleagues I was largely met with bemusement as to why I’d want to change my name, particularly given I’m in a professional role and one colleague even condescendingly to it as being “sweet” that I’m “still doing that sort of thing”. I should say they are not aware of my previous marriage. Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do.

AIBU for requesting this? Is no one changing their name when they get married these days and especially not at work?

Is it that you've earned a good client base and a good name (literally!) and that if you change it, you risk people not knowing it's you iykwim? I have a job that's a bit like that, and though I'd love to drop XH's surname, it's not really practical as I've worked hard to make a name for myself throughout my career.
It's a PITA and a sexist situation. Wish I'd stuck with my maiden name, though I didn't really like it all that much.

It really gets my goat when people at work say that something can happen but it “will be a headache”… it’s your job, that you get paid to do, so just do it!!

YANBU. You can change your name for whatever reason you want to. Other people’s opinions don’t matter. Congratulations on your marriage 😁

I think it’s totally up to you, OP. Your name and your choice. I changed mine when I remarried as like you, I didn’t want to continue to be known by my ex-H’s name. Nothing unreasonable about that! Sounds as though your IT colleagues just can’t be arsed! Don’t be put off - you can be called what you like!

Yanbu at all.
Loads of professional colleagues have changed their names in the last 6-8 years. It's totally normal. Some choose to keep their previous names, that's fine too.

If an IT system can't cope with something as simple and normal as a name change It's not fit for purpose. The system is the problem, not you. And if you are disadvantaged by them having an inadequate system not built to deal with this then that's sex discrimination surely?

YANBU. It's no one's business why you want to change your name or take your partners name.

If your employer doesn't have a correct procedure to enable this, that's also not your problem.

I changed mine. I'd never met my birth father (he ran away when my mother was pregnant. When I was born she thought he had committed suicide and was expecting to be contacted when his body was found. Turns out that he was living abroad with someone else. Anyway....) I couldn't wait to be part of 'our' own family. I certainly wasn't getting into any of the above with work colleagues.

Be as patronising to them as they are being to you. Ask why they think it's 'sweet'. Get them to explain themselves.

Good luck.

Well it's your name, so YANBU, but yeah a lot of people are keeping their own name after marriage at work, even if they change it personally.

Thankfully I’m not in a client facing role, so it’s not an issue externally, but I’m a well known SME within the company itself.

Our IT depart of a very large county council doesn't query name changes. It just gets om with the request.
They need to get a grip and do as they've been asked it's hardly an unusual request.

It's nobody's business why you want to change your name. I know three blokes that changed their name when they got married. Nobody had a problem with it, probably for the simple reason it's not a problem.

Our director of Children's services got married a few years ago. She changed her name, again no problem.

I have known so many women over the years in client facing jobs that have changed their name and still kept the clients and haven't had any problems.
Your colleagues are patronising with the ' that's sweet ' comments.

Early forties and I can only recall one person changing their name professionally in my entire working life so that’s 20 ish years.

I had 2 friends change their names and it made me assess whether we shared the same life values. I was very upset when my sister changed her name.

People at my work do this all the time and it’s a non issue. Sometimes people send round an email to draw peoples attention to the name change and it’s never been a problem.

The IT department told you it was a total headache to change your name in their systems?
Well frankly you need a new IT department.
They sound like the ones from the TV sitcom.
Of course change it. It's your name now fgs!
Anyone having anything to say on the subject in your workplace are unprofessional and frankly need to get a life.

Meh, plenty of people change their names at work! Sometimes because they've got married, and sometimes because they've got divorced.

I personally wouldn't change my own name at work (or outside work, come to that), but I'd never be surprised at someone else doing it; it's really not unusual and there's certainly nothing wrong with it if that's someone's choice.

Colleague did "née" so it's clear it's not a nrw person to everyone as she was well established. Is that an option? At least for some period?

One of my colleagues got married last year and changed her surname to her married name. No issues at all

Your colleagues sound weird. And your IT dept sounds weird. It's totally normal to change your name after marriage (or divorce!!). And yes it's a PITA for IT but still an absolutely standard request that is well within their expertise to achieve...!

Do you work in a particularly trendy org or something?

Teachers do this all the time and the kids manage to accept it..not sure why it's so hard for adults.

Equally, when I discover people are this judgey I assess whether we share the same life values.

No one where I work changes their name at work when they get married, I work in the justice system and it's an advantage if people can't work out who you are/where your child goes to school etc. DH and I both double barrelled but both kept our own names at work

This would be an unusual response to me. I kept my maiden name when I married and I am the only woman I know in real-life to have not taken their husband's name. I'm mid-30s so not especially old or young, and I also know plenty of married people – most of my colleagues and friends are married and all changed their surnames. They have received no raised eyebrows or questions whatsoever.

Née means ‘born as’ which isn’t the case for the OP.

Edit to say, I have kept my married name despite being divorced. My young children wanted me to be the same as them, otherwise I would have reverted. Wish I’d kept my maiden name all along, tbh.

It can also be used as previously known. People will get what it means in these cases.

Your IT department needs a kick, what a stupid response they gave to you wanting to change your name. This is common in my line of work, emails obviously need to change but this should be a fairly straightforward piece of work for them to do, a simple re-direct so people still type your name and your email is automatically pre-filled for them.

Blimey.

It's so bizarre that this is even commented on. My workplace couldn't cope with changing my name on all the IT either so I've got a miss match it. I reckon men must have invented some of the systems.

Anyway all your first paragraph is absolutely irrelevant. I don't mean that in a rude way. The reason for you changing your name is irrelevant to the problem in hand and you shouldn't feel like you have to explain yourself.

I think this is a you problem