Am I really that U to change name at work?!

[Misting]

Recently got married and getting my surname changed to my husband’s name everywhere, including at work. The main reason for this is that this is a second marriage and my current surname still links back to my first marriage. I feel it’s finally time to put a close to that chapter and switch to my new married name. It links back to a very unhappy marriage from my younger years and I should’ve changed it years ago. Equally my maiden name is rather unfortunate, so never felt attached to keeping that either.

Ive successfully changed my name everywhere besides my workplace, which I requested recently. Upon speaking to colleagues I was largely met with bemusement as to why I’d want to change my name, particularly given I’m in a professional role and one colleague even condescendingly to it as being “sweet” that I’m “still doing that sort of thing”. I should say they are not aware of my previous marriage. Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do.

AIBU for requesting this? Is no one changing their name when they get married these days and especially not at work?

I'm flabbergasted at how many people are anti taking a husband's name. It's been the norm for ages, it's nice to have same surname as a family & frankly, you're between your dad's name and your husband's ?! It's just not a huge feminist issue...

Totally understand women not wanting to, for a variety of reasons, but the actual thought of not being friends with someone/ having a visceral reaction because they changed their name makes me think you're quite unstable...

I've just changed my name at work, IT kept my sign in etc as it was ace just changed my email address, doesn't sound difficult at all!

@Misting if you really want to show up your crappy IT department you can send them this https://www.kalzumeus.com/2010/06/17/falsehoods-programmers-believe-about-names/

@CantHoldMeDown but it isn't detrimental to women, and it also isn't frowned upon not to do it nowadays, so women have a free choice & that's great. Mission accomplished, let's move on!

Change your name to whatever you want, it's your name!
Would these people have been so bothered if you changed back to your maiden name after getting divorced?! I think not

My job encompasses HR, Payroll, bits of IT - lots of people change their names on the official records and their email addresses and I don’t batter an eyelid and just action the request/let them know what they need to send over for our records in cases of right to work checks. The most recent one was one of the Directors.

Not sure where all the MN’ers are working where no one changes their name! Not unusual at all and a weird thing for your colleague to pass comment on even if she wouldn’t do it herself.

No, I see it differently- women can chose to share their spouse’s name if they want to. they can also chose not to take their husband’s name and that is entirely acceptable in society nowadays. Men, however, will be viewed with suspicion and seen as less manly if they take their wife’s name. Same goes of the “both partners chose a new name together” idea- that still gets some eye rolls.

I changed my name after 3 years of marriage, just decided one day I was bored of my original name and I liked my husband’s better as it is not British and has an interesting history. I actually have ID in both old and new names as won’t pay to renew my passport till the 10 years are up, but changed my driving licence using my marriage certificate. Use new name at work as I was changing role and liked the “clean sheet” aspect, but emails to old name auto forward to my new name. It was not remotely hard for IT and HR to implement.

If women don't want to change their name, they shouldn't, but they should also mind their own business if other women choose to do so, for any reason at all. It's interesting to note which things we are 'allowed' to judge people for, compared to what we're told is none of our concern, and we're horrible people if we have an opinion. Sometimes the modern world feels upside-down, if not utterly mad.

The IT department can deal with a little inconvenience, and the irritating colleagues should keep their opinions to themselves, but I'd just ignore them. This will soon be old news.

It’s really not expected of women any more in the UK. Where do you get that from?

I find it interesting how people's circles can be so different. I'm in my mid thirties and am not exaggerating when I say I only know 2 women, out of all my friends, colleagues (current and 20 years past), family, acquaintances, where the woman didn't change their name (to their husband's) when they got married. Lots in professional roles etc. some whom I would have said are quite feminist in outlook and at least 2 of whom specifically said they wouldn't before they were with their (now) husbands....

Slightly tangential but all of the same sex couples I know (of both sexes) have double barrelled.

I don't hugely care either way but find it interesting that experiences can be so different.

It amuses me in my mum group of friends that out of the 6 married ones, it’s only the most ardent feminist who has taken her husband’s name. Everyone else has kept their birth surname and only one has double-barrelled for their kids. Women change and don’t change their names for a whole host of reasons.

@Misting it’s entirely up to you. Personally I never changed mine (never been a legal requirement) - I’m proud of it and never changing it. You could just say you don’t like the current one and it’s a good time to change it. They’ll get over it.

But some people just like the idea of a married couple having the same name. As said above, same sex couples often both double-barrel. I have a straight male colleague who double-barrelled. He’s been married about 25 years.

Would that be OK by you as not damaging the feminist cause?

It is EXPECTED of women.

It is NOT EXPECTED of men

I agree it's not expected of men, but I don't think it's expected of women either. Maybe by some individuals, but not by society as a whole. I never felt any pressure or expectation that I would.

I went to three weddings last year and none of them had a situation where only the woman changed her name. In two they both went double barrelled, and in the third I think they both stayed as they were already.

But what do you mean? Snide comments about women “keeping their names”? Questions raised by teachers?

What about the fact that I am in my fifties, also live in the UK and can honestly say I have never noticed any such expectation? Does your lived experience trump mine?

The most you can say is that it is expected of women in SOME social/educational/regional circles in the UK.

It really isn’t ‘expected’ any more. Literally no one cares if you don’t change your name after marriage. It seems from this thread that there are more people that care if you do!

You're not going from your dad's name to your husband's. You're going from your own name to your husband's. Perhaps not understanding this is why you're flabbergasted.

Also, all members of a family having the same name is not nice. Any more than it's nasty. It's just a naming custom practiced by a minority of humans for a period of time. And even then, given the increasing number of blended families, the wife taking the husband's surname is not the same thing as all members of a household having it.

You have the right under GDPR to have your personal data such as your name corrected.

Obviously the laziness of your IT department should have no bearing on something as personal as deciding your own name! Funny they would think they have a say in it.