Am I really that U to change name at work?!

[Misting]

Recently got married and getting my surname changed to my husband’s name everywhere, including at work. The main reason for this is that this is a second marriage and my current surname still links back to my first marriage. I feel it’s finally time to put a close to that chapter and switch to my new married name. It links back to a very unhappy marriage from my younger years and I should’ve changed it years ago. Equally my maiden name is rather unfortunate, so never felt attached to keeping that either.

Ive successfully changed my name everywhere besides my workplace, which I requested recently. Upon speaking to colleagues I was largely met with bemusement as to why I’d want to change my name, particularly given I’m in a professional role and one colleague even condescendingly to it as being “sweet” that I’m “still doing that sort of thing”. I should say they are not aware of my previous marriage. Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do.

AIBU for requesting this? Is no one changing their name when they get married these days and especially not at work?

IT will always tell you a name change is a headache but it isn’t actually a huge amount of work for them.

I work in a large corporate environment. People change their names all the time, it’s not remotely remarkable. Your colleagues have too much time on their hands and your IT team need to be spoken to by HR for questioning your personal choice.

It’s really unusual for people in my field to name change. It confuses professional contacts and most of us are published.

So yes, it definitely draws attention when someone changes their name because it’s rare and potentially damaging to your career.

Honestly, I think it makes people feel uncomfortable because it makes them feel like someone is questioning their own choices, because people are weird like that.

It’s perfectly fine. I’m an academic with a PhD and a publishing record in my maiden name, and it was totally fine to change my name. I wanted the same name as Dh and any future dc. My mum had long since remarried and changed her name. And my dad, who was an asshole and long since dead, was the only person I still shared a name with. And I had no desire to still have his name! I wanted a name that felt like it was finally ‘mine’ and a fresh start. Absolutely no one had anything weird to say about it and it was easy to do professionally.

Really? It doesnt say anything about anyone's values really. My name was a bit crap and my husband's name was awesome, thats the main reason I changed.

I get a bit fed up when otherwise impressive professional women are all meek and silent at the wedding while the men do the speeches but even then it's just the details of one day

They don't get to tell you what your name is!

I bet they wouldn't grumble about a trans person changing their name and try to get them to use the old one...

Let's face it, it's not lots of people changing their names it's women.

There's literally thousands of women out there who hated their Fathers name so they decided to take another man's name. When that fell apart they wanted a different name so they took another man's name. You couldn't make it up! Just revert back to your birth surname then this will never be a problem again. If however like lots of women on MN who don't like their birth surname (their poor parents how did they cope with that surname!) then make up a new name.

But don't change your name and pretend it isn't a whole load of work.

I think the woman changing her name after marriage is outdated and inwardly judge women who still feel they have to do anything, but it still seems to be the norm at my female dominated workplace and I definitely wouldn’t say anything out loud.

Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do
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It’s your name and you should get to do what you want with it.

How ridiculous of your workplace. Change your name if you want to. There’s no need to give them any other reason than that you have just got married. Of course you do not want to stay tied to a name that has such unhappy connotations. And it’s very unreasonable of them to suggest you are putting them to alot of trouble. It’s not your fault if they haven’t put effective systems in place to deal with this situation.

Yip. Women have hard to spell names, weird foreign names, names that people mispronounce, names they've never liked or actively hate, and names with bad associations.

Weird how men so very rarely change their names for any of these reasons!

Men get to have their own names, women are just borrowing their fathers'.

Just under 20 years ago I got married and coincidentally changed jobs - the new work place hadn't set anything up but still made out it was strange and a weird hassle also kept having them check that was what had happened.

Did make me feel like I was doing something odd - though many women still change their names then.

I didn’t change my name and neither did my mother, who got married in 1976. Personally, I don’t get women changing their name when they get married - but I don’t get lots of things, like why anyone likes playing team sports, or why anyone would ever wear the color beige. It’s not morally wrong. It’s just not for me.

Whether women change their name when they get married is very personal to each woman, and I think all the importance other women put on it is a waste of time and energy.

Are you usually so over invested in other peoples’ lives. What a complete over reaction.

I was very upset when my sister changed her name.

You're not serious? It's nothing to do with you whether someone else changes their name.

The solar system could fall into the sun and I wouldn’t chance my name to a husband’s, at work or anywhere else.

And that's perfectly reasonable.

It doesn't mean OP is unreasonable for making a different choice though.

I've know quite a few women colleagues change surnames - not just on marriage but upon divorces as well. Can only think of one man who double barreled with wife maiden name who changed surnames.

I was surprised when I did it how many companies didn't seem to have systems for doing it - to point not sure I'd bother ever again as it was more of a hassle than expected.

Op you want to change names just stick to your guns and ask IT to make the changes.

My husband and I made a new surname when we got married. The name-change admin faff was a joy to share!

But also, women are not some traitor to feminism if they choose to take on a man’s surname as their own. We’ve got bigger fish to fry in the patriarchal world without using internalised misogyny to beat each other.

When we married my husband changed his name to mine. It was unheard of at the time (nearly 30 years ago).

I wouldn’t worry. If you expressed this opinion to them then they’re probably assessing the same with regard to you.

I inwardly cringe when women change their names to some man's name - but it's up to them and nothing to do with me. Your IT department is being unprofessional to make their feelings on the matter known, and so are your colleagues.

I have known 2 women who had abusive families growing up, and they changed their names by deed poll to names they created for themselves. It was a beautiful thing to do and I would hate to think of their IT departments giving them grief over it.

But don't change your name and pretend it isn't a whole load of work

Unless your employer is spectacularly cheap and/or incompetent then it really shouldn't be a whole load of work for them. Sure, for you personally there's all the tedious admin required to change your name for your bank account etc but that's different.

If your employer hasn't got the business processes and IT systems to cope with name changes then they've absolutely dropped the ball. People have been changing their names for the entirety of recorded history.