Am I really that U to change name at work?!

[Misting]

Recently got married and getting my surname changed to my husband’s name everywhere, including at work. The main reason for this is that this is a second marriage and my current surname still links back to my first marriage. I feel it’s finally time to put a close to that chapter and switch to my new married name. It links back to a very unhappy marriage from my younger years and I should’ve changed it years ago. Equally my maiden name is rather unfortunate, so never felt attached to keeping that either.

Ive successfully changed my name everywhere besides my workplace, which I requested recently. Upon speaking to colleagues I was largely met with bemusement as to why I’d want to change my name, particularly given I’m in a professional role and one colleague even condescendingly to it as being “sweet” that I’m “still doing that sort of thing”. I should say they are not aware of my previous marriage. Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do.

AIBU for requesting this? Is no one changing their name when they get married these days and especially not at work?

That's quite dramatic!

Some of these responses are mad. I changed my name and love that I have the same name as my family for reasons I can't really explain but I just do. I have friends who didn't change their name. I don't judge them and they don't judge me. Thank god we're not those kind of people

Or spell “lose”

Hold on- I thought that “Heathen” was just a phrase meaning “not religious”.

Heathen is a culture and belief system in itself?! Wow. Every day is a school day.

It's very similar to Paganism - very nature based.

I'm not Heathen but a lot of it is lovely and essentially living a good life with good morals/intentions.

There is a Pagan/Heathen group in Cornwall/Devon way currently preparing to demonstrate in London about immigration eroding the English traditions.

i think it's an anglosaxon thing/tradition. I grew up in EU mainland, over 3 countries. I don't know any women of my generation (gen x) or my parent's one who contemplated changing their name upon marrying.

How bizarre, I'm late 30s and don't know anyone who hasnt changed their name personally or professionally in last 10 years I've been in my job. I'm getting married next week and it never even crossed my mind not to change my mind. Why were you upset with your sister? Surely it's her choice..

Seriously?? You were “very upset” because people change their names?

Being 50 plus I know loads of people who have changed their names, through marriage, divorce, deed poll.

Never once has it upset me!! That is so weird. You questioned their life values??

Why is it “depressing”?

I'm really curious to know what "life values" couldn't possibly be shared between people who change their name and those who don't.
Care to enlighten us, @KarmenPQZ ?

That's completely jobsworth on behalf of IT. If they comment again, say it's not your fault thair systems aren't fit for purpose.

People who make comments about your personal decisions are being unprofessional. It's none of their business. Of course they will want to know why you are changing your name, that's human curiosity, but you don't owe them an explanation, and making a comment about it is just rude. Make sure you keep those people at arms length from now on. How do they cope when they work with people from other culters? "Ooh, she's doing something I haven't done, I must point that out in a way that implies I don't approve". Twats.

Tell them yes you really are changing your name.

It’s your name, your choice. The company just has to figure it out. If you get external email ask them to forward the old address to your new address (if it uses your surname).

It will confuse some people, you should be understanding that people will mix it up a bit. You might consider updating your email signature for a couple months to include (previously Ruby Killerwhale) to help people.

If they drag their heels I’d update my status to - my name is actually Ruby Orca - I’m working with IT to fix the error (passive aggressive I know but I am petty and know I wouldn’t lose my job over it)

Guess is she was upset because she cannot accept that people have different cultures, values, interests or wants. She sees her views as superior to everyone else’s. I wonder if the person you are responding to looks down on all those cultures around the world with different naming practices? Or is it just women that they look down on?

I can’t believe we still think we should take women’s agency from them and dictate their own names. I’m fully behind parents selecting names for their children (cause frankly 3 year olds aren’t sensible about such things) - but as an adult the only person who should control your name is you (and in rare cases the government when you decide to call yourself ^#{%++{% or another problematic name).

If you want to change your name change it! Either legally or socially.

FTR I’ve not changed my name and have no plans to. But I’ll be damned if what society thinks of me will stop me (the admin however likely would be a point against).

It's a hard one as some women have
Firstname newsurname (née old surname) on signatures so everyone knows it's the same person, but you weren't born the old surname.

Odd response from IT. I've seen this done in less than 2 hours - new email address, new IT and HR logins and everything reconfigured and working.

90% of women in the uk still change their name to their husband’s name upon marriage. This will vary according to age/ location/ professional status, though, so we tend to see what is in our own bubble.

When I got married (in the 1990s, not in Victorian times) my HR department changed all my details to my married name by the time I got back off honeymoon. I had to get them to change back to my birth name, which I had no intention of losing.

YANBU- it’s lazy of the company and frankly short sighted, there are lots of reasons people might want/need to change their name besides marriage. They need to figure out a way to do it.

oh so it’s a racist cult then?

Not at all.

They just don't want English traditions/folklore etc lost.

At the moment non-English people have more rights when it comes to religion/faith that indigenous folk.

And Paganism isn't a cult 🤣

And wanting to protect our country from people entering illegally - not knowing what criminal history they have what medical conditions they're bringing in, if they have any skills to offer the country whether they can support themselves - ISN'T racist 🤣

@CantHoldMeDown presumably though the changes I made to my pension beneficiary, or possibly through my tax arrangements (I think they changed when you got married). Anyway, there were forms. None of them included any intention to change my own name, though.