Am I really that U to change name at work?!

[Misting]

Recently got married and getting my surname changed to my husband’s name everywhere, including at work. The main reason for this is that this is a second marriage and my current surname still links back to my first marriage. I feel it’s finally time to put a close to that chapter and switch to my new married name. It links back to a very unhappy marriage from my younger years and I should’ve changed it years ago. Equally my maiden name is rather unfortunate, so never felt attached to keeping that either.

Ive successfully changed my name everywhere besides my workplace, which I requested recently. Upon speaking to colleagues I was largely met with bemusement as to why I’d want to change my name, particularly given I’m in a professional role and one colleague even condescendingly to it as being “sweet” that I’m “still doing that sort of thing”. I should say they are not aware of my previous marriage. Equally, my IT department contacted me to ask if I really wanted to change it, as apparently it causes a total headache to do.

AIBU for requesting this? Is no one changing their name when they get married these days and especially not at work?

What extra religious rights do you see recent immigrants having that you don't?

Plus if your concern is about immigrants destroying heathen practices you're about two thousand years late to the party.

Teachers have had years of matching children to parents without the same surname so they know it is easier to have the same name.

To me my government name is not my identity in the least. My given name is more important. Professionally, that's my first name and amongst friends it is my nickname.
I make most of the decisions in our household and my husband didn't force me to change my surname. He even asked about having both our names as a surname but when you put them together they just sounded naff to me. He doesn't even care about his surname, he books restaurants and appointments in his first name. My youngest didn't think they sounded naff, my maiden name is his middle name and he uses his full name all the time but that's his choice.
People have different reasons for the choices they make but that's their choice at the end of the day.

I actually don't know any friends or colleagues who haven't changed their name after they got married. I work in a hospital amongst people of various roles. A lot of people do it as they do not want to have a different surname to their kids if they have any. There is nothing wrong with it and I don't know why they are all making such a big deal about it.

Albeit I'd like to see patrilineage eventually eroded as a cultural naming system, I don't care what individual women choose to call themselves. It's not my business and hectoring them is only going to make them double down on that point, probably justifiably so.

On the other hand, the constant assumption that women's names are on loan from a man, that my name isn't really my name but my brother's is rightfully his; together with some people's insistence on the use of that offensive anachronistic term 'maiden' name, are something more of an irritant.

If I don't respect your choices - which I recognise as being none of my business anyway - what I'll do is tactfully keep my mouth shut. I'd appreciate nothing more than the same courtesy.

You can bet they would pull their finger out if it was because they were trans.

A gay (male) colleague changed his name when he got married (he preferred his DH's last name). Nobody questioned it. HR need to suck it up and get on with their job!

From an IT perspective, you can change your Active Directory / HR System "Display Name" to your new one but your username (login) is a pain to change and will end up breaking access that needs to be reinstated. Only you see your username so don't bother. For your email address you can change to the new and have the old one route, or just keep the old (much easier) as nobody really cares. The display name is what's important to you and is easily changed.

Depends on your system- it's pretty easy to change a Unix username as long as you retain the UID. It's quite possible Windows is trickier, but I've not had to do it there, as I work on grown-up stuff. 😉

Active Directory makes name changes very easy as it, too, internally uses GUIDs to uniquely identify user objects. Synchronising those changes across multiple applications can be trickier if they don't all support SSO in sensible ways. Eg, if you change a Unix username and you're using sendmail or exim that user will stop receiving mail because sendmail/exim are tied to username, not UID.

Funny that
I know loads

Now that is a pain. Having worked in HR - when women don’t change their name at work but do everywhere else, it can cause problems with payroll and HMRC.
I’ve spent many an hour chasing up some info for a staff member only to find out her surname isn’t the same as at work.
In my head I’d be saying ‘make your bloody mind up’.

Of course you can change your name to whatever you want and IT should oblige.

but really???! Get back to your own birth name as if this marriage does not work in 10 years you still left with a surname that it’s not really yours. Another headache!!!!

Not sure I get it. Women and men own their own birth name and surname, they can change it, if they wish, but when they take their spouse name after marriage, it is not their name, it’s their spouse’s. They take a name of a family they marry into, so no, they don’t own it. In fact, if they get divorced they usually change it back or they stay with the name of their ex-husband.
each to their own, but it seems such a weird practice, such an headache and also it does not make sense if a person has their own professional person. It would not make sense to me even if it was a men changing their name and taking their wife name (which men won’t never accept to do ofc apart from rare exceptions).

no comment on the AUBU but its really not that much of a headache for IT