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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

204 replies

Picklepepp · 19/08/2024 10:20

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Amicompletelyinsane · 19/08/2024 10:21

Not unreasonable. I wouldn't lend it out either

soupfiend · 19/08/2024 10:22

of course not, do you even need to ask

worrisomeasset · 19/08/2024 10:22

They need to buy themselves a tent. They are being cheeky and you’ve been very reasonable.

britneyisfree · 19/08/2024 10:23

Tell her why. It was mouldy. Simple.

Also - she should offer you some cash to get it fixed.

Also she has money, if it's going to be a regular thing, why can't she buy her own ffs

Eze · 19/08/2024 10:24

They can buy their own tent with that many holidays a year. This is your only holiday, YANBU to say no.

Sweetteaplease · 19/08/2024 10:24

Why didn't you say it was covered in mould? I think in these situation you should be honest with people, you don't have to be rude about it, but they need to know

Sweetteaplease · 19/08/2024 10:25

I'd be really annoyed if I were you getting it back in that state

CornishTiger · 19/08/2024 10:26

A simple

No sorry when we checked it at beginning of year it was covered in mould so we have decided only to use it ourselves as a family from now on.

Gladtobeout · 19/08/2024 10:26

A good tent is £££. You wouldn't normally ask to borrow a friend's belonging worth hundreds so tent should be no different.

But, you need to tell her it was mouldy.

NotSorry · 19/08/2024 10:27

We're caravanners now but used to be campers. We've been asked to borrow our caravan and have always said "no". It's our pride and joy and we'd be extremely upset if it got damaged. YANBU, I wish you'd told them that they left it to get mouldy.

Mostlyoblivious · 19/08/2024 10:27

You should have said that it came back wet and is now mouldy so isn’t usable. Why spare her that and put yourself in a position where you look like you’re making excuses?

PashaMinaMio · 19/08/2024 10:28

Wow, they are so entitled!

We used to lend out our caravan, our only source of holiday on a permanent pitch in Cornwall, but I put a stop to it when things got broken and we weren’t told. Stuff didn’t get replaced so we would find plates missing, wine drunk, washing up bowl melted where it had been left near burning gas ring. Small irritating things.

Just say “Sorry, no can do” and point them to nearest Go Outdoors camping shop.

onlyk · 19/08/2024 10:29

As soon as I saw the lending tent out my response was immediately no.

like you I lent out a tent which I had for years and the person I lent it to packed it up wet so covered in mould . Have never been able to get all the mould out.

I have since lent it out because it’s got mould damage and every time it gets a little bit more damage.

I can afford to replace so my new one will never be lent out but the mouldy one is the one I lend. Anyone asking for the newer one gets a big fat no.

To be honest your friend owes you a new one or at least expand on your No to friend that they have actually damaged your tent so you won’t be lending it again.

Namechangeforthis88 · 19/08/2024 10:30

"Listen, the tent is now damaged, but usable, because you didn't take enough care of it last time you borrowed it. You really ought to replace it, then you can have our old one."

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 19/08/2024 10:31

I wouldn't lend it.

binkythepoodle · 19/08/2024 10:31

Yanbu- I would never lend my tent out for the reasons you've described. Like you I'd lend anything else from our kit, but our tent cost a lot of money and we had to wait for a decent sale for ages in order to be able to afford it. It's also the only opportunity we have for a holiday so that would go out of the window altogether if anything happened to it.

Ohmychristmick · 19/08/2024 10:31

So she's miffed. So what. Let her be miffed. She'll not die of being miffed. Don't try and pat this down and make it better. She asked, you said no and that is the end of that. You owe them no explanation and anyone with 2 brain cells will have a chat with themselves and straighten their face pronto.

itsmeits · 19/08/2024 10:32

OP you have lent it and learnt the lesson.
I don't blame you saying no. Personally I wouldn't have fed the polite response of 'wear and tear' I'd of straight up said you packed it away wet it is now mouldy you want to be grateful I'm not asking you to replace it or clean it!

Popfan · 19/08/2024 10:32

Definitely don't lend it out, I'd never lend out a tent, so expensive and they do need to be looked after properly.

SaltAndVinegar2 · 19/08/2024 10:35

No absolutely don't lend it. Only lend things you can afford to lose with no hard feelings. A tent is a personal item that needs looking after. It's perfectly fine to say no, we love our tent and don't want to lend it.

I would only lend an old tent not my current in use expensive one.

Even more so as they didn't look after it properly. I would tell her it's mouldy and now you need to replace it, can they contribute to the cost.

As an aside tents always need properly drying out afterwards, no way would I trust someone else to do that with an 8 man tent!

They can get themselves a smaller one second hand for not very much.

WappityWabbit · 19/08/2024 10:36

When you're a people pleaser, it's generally you that loses out in the long term.

What's stopping your friend from hiring or buying their own camping gear?

Cheeky Fuckery, that's what!

Stuff doesn't last forever and every time it is used, it's subject to wear and tear and will eventually need replacing. Mould last year but maybe a big rip next time?

Your family chose to spend your limited budget on camping gear in order to enjoy family holidays. Does your friend reciprocate and share her important purchases with you?

Of course she doesn't. 🙁

Thunderboltandlightningveryveryfrightening · 19/08/2024 10:37

We have 2 tents. Huge 10 man one and a small one. Ds asked to take it to a festival.. No way mate... Bought him one for 20 quid. His parting shot on the phone call he was en route home was someone torched his tent!! So nonchalant!! Little shit.
Older ds wants to take the small one Bank Holiday week end.. With his nice sensible gf!!

SaltAndVinegar2 · 19/08/2024 10:38

Why are you worried about her being miffed? Aren't you miffed that they returned it mouldy? Why do you feelings matter less than hers? This sounds like an unbalanced friendship. What does your friend contribute and is it worthwhile for you?

BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 19/08/2024 10:39

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again

No - because you put it away wet last time, and we had to clean off lots of mould.

Its not difficult

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 19/08/2024 10:39

As far as your friend knows, they were careful to take good care of it last time and leave it in at least as good condition as they found it.

You really need to be honest with her and tell her about the mould and that the tent is now damaged. Give her a chance to apologise and give you money for a new tent.

I suspect you're a very kind friend - lending the tent and just quietly dealing with the mould - but I think ultimately it'll be better for the friendship if you explain the real reason here.