To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

[Picklepepp]

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

Not unreasonable.

To avoid conflict you could just have sent unfortunately you've lent it out again.

Or, you can be straight and say Sorry Sue no can do - it came back covered in mold last time you took it. It must have been damp when you took it down. It was a right old job cleaning it up for our holidays, so we've decided we won't be lending it out again. Didn't want to say anything at the time - not worth causing a fuss over it, completely appreciate it would have been an accident your side. But it's a firm no to loaning it out again.

I think you've inadvertently made yourself look a bit eye rollingly precious talking about wear and tear on poles.

She messed up - she should either be aware of your very valid reasons, or, just side step it altogether with it's not available.

Yanbu

She also can't be much of a friend if she's got the hump about it.

@AuntieEstablishment has - imo - written a great response above. It is polite, but also matter of fact. You are not asking for anything from your friend, you are just giving her the honest response that you deserve, and she needs to hear.

This is perfect. I wouldn't wait to see if she is miffed, just say that you've thought about it and decided to give her an explanation as to why you've said no. She's a good friend and it's not worth falling out over but the above is a really well drafted way of making it plain that they need to go solo.
And perhaps suggest decathlon hire so she can choose anything she wants.

I would have told her about the mould as soon as I noticed it, but I am a direct kind of person, I appreciate not everyone is the same. I became more direct just because of situations like this, lending out my things and people not taking good care of them. So nip it in the bud, don't be apologetic about it, say no and say why is my advice x

I’m going to go out on a limb here- if you don’t own something like a tent then you may not actually understand that it has to be put away dry.
you might think returning it with thanks and in one piece is sufficient. Just saying there may not be malice, just ignorance at play here.

But that doesn’t mean you need to lend it out to someone. I would consider it enough to say really sorry we can’t afford to replace any problems or wear and tear that happen so we can’t lend it out to anyone as it’s our only way to have a holiday. True and end of story.

absolutely not. They borrowed it once, if they want to go camping regularly they buy their own! Cheeky fuckers.

Unless you have very dry weather for the entire stay (and even then you'll have dew on the morning you pack up) the chances of the tent being dry when it's packed up are slim. Any regular camper would know this, so always worth taking it out for a good air/dry when you get home before packing it away for the next trip or winter.

They might not be aware of this though so not 100% their responsibility for the tent now having mould on it.

Sounds like a very expensive tent though so you're not unreasonable not wanting to lend it out.

Good for you. I think it is better to be clear like this, then they know to be more careful when they buy their own tent.

She’ll not die of being miffed.
You need to trademark this.
I will be putting it to good use 😂

This! Why pussyfoot around the issue?

Lending it once was kind. It gave them the opportunity to try camping to see if they liked it. They did. Now they need to fork out for their own gear, not borrow yours.

You should tell them about the mould. I'm sure they'd promise to 'not let it happen again' but that's not the point. Not wanting extra wear and tear is I think legit.

Ever understand this approach. Why didn’t you get in touch when you found the mould? I’d have been furious and let them know. They might have taken rent off you and offered to replace that would have been the decent thing to do. As it is she doesn’t know why you’re declining. But I’d just decline in future as they obviously don’t take care of things.

No, don't lend it again. Your friends never looked after it last time.
We have a motorhome and would never lend it to anyone, I don't trust anyone enough to look after it the way we do. Please or offend, you have to do what works for you.

The one time I lent somebody my tent and some other gear, they announced that it was shit compared to the nice pop up tents and they 'couldn't be fucked with carrying it back to the entrance'.

I wouldn't even lend a tent peg these days.

They can by their own.

I wouldn't lend out any of my camping gear - it's taken me years to collect everything as i like it and sort out the beds to be the most comfortable and it would really piss me off to lose any of it!

Yanbu

I would never lend our tent out, it cost us a fortune and has lasted really well as we have looked after it.

id definitely tell them about the mould, that is not on at all

If she doesn't reply then don't reply again about the mould or anything else. She asked, you answered. She may be miffed or she may not, but definitely no need to prolong/reopen it when the exchange has ended. There's no ground to stand. It's not happening and bringing up the mould now is not gonna help anyone.

I wouldn't lend my tent to anyone under any circumstances!

I wouldn't trust they'd take proper care of it!

You saved them a fortune by using all your camping gear to try out camping. They obviously enjoyed as they asked again so it is now time for them to start amassing their own camping gear. Your only holiday equipment which you spent hard to spare money on is not their add on free little holiday bonus. They know you struggle to get a holiday yourselves and need this camping gear. How did they show appreciation for your generosity last time. A meal out? A cash gift of maybe £100 (far cheaper than buying or even hiring own gear) flowers and wine ....nothing?? Please don't feel guilty. Camping isa great spur of the moment activity. You don't want your precious gear 'booked' out for nothing when, because you have your own gear, you could go yourselves anytime. If they are huffy it will show that they have no thoughts for your family needs ...you are just handy for an extra cheap get away for themselves. 💐

I wouldn’t mention the mould. I would consider that as much my fault as hers for not checking it when I got it back.

There are loads of second hand tents out there because people kitted themselves out at GoOutdoors then decided it wasn't for them. Your friends can purchase one of them. Borrowing a tent as a one-off to try is one thing, making it an annual event (even if they hadn't returned a wet tent) is another.

It’s okay to lend it once for them to see if they like camping but they now need to get their own. What a cheek.

I agree! Let her be miffed OP.