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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

204 replies

Picklepepp · 19/08/2024 10:20

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Thepartnersdesk · 19/08/2024 14:19

I won't lend my tent to anyone. I have some lesser ones I might but not the main one.

People think dry means it wasn't rained on. They take no account of condensation, wet guy lines where they've been in ground, dampness in skirt/built in ground sheet.

It also only a tent in the sense bad weather events, strong winds etc happen. If it breaks and I know it was guyed correctly, pitched right etc then it's just one of those things but if it breaks in someone else's care I'd be annoyed if I could see they hadn't bothered securing it (and I may never know but might assume).

Thepartnersdesk · 19/08/2024 14:24

If you want a way to say no you could mention expected life of a tent. It's surprisingly short in weeks. Here is a useful bit below from AI. So them using it regularly means it will become brittle more quickly and limit your use. It's why you never buy ex display models that have been up outdoors.

According to Outdoor World Direct, a 70 Denier tent can last 8–10 weeks in fair weather conditions in the UK. If used for weekend trips or shorter camping trips of about two weeks per year, the tent could last four years. However, Quechua recommends not over-exposing tents to the sun to prolong their life, as UV rays can damage the canvas and speed up wear. Quechua says their tents are designed to withstand three weeks of consecutive sun exposure each year.

steadywinner · 19/08/2024 14:26

Of course not, they can buy their own bloody tent.

Plenty of people sell second hand this time of year, having tried camping and decided they didn't fancy it again! Send them some links to fb marketplace.

SoHotandPregnant87 · 19/08/2024 14:30

YANBU, mostly. It's cheeky of her to ask for the tent again, if she liked it so much she should buy one. I guess fair enough to want to try camping once but I wouldn't dare to ask for it a second time.

However it really doesn't pay to pussyfoot around the issue . If I was your friend, and you told me it was mouldy, I would be mortified and at the very least apologise and buy you a gift. But by a flat out no, it leaves the impression that you may be miffed with me for some other reason. And now there's just bad vibes between you.

notnorman · 19/08/2024 14:30

PashaMinaMio · 19/08/2024 10:28

Wow, they are so entitled!

We used to lend out our caravan, our only source of holiday on a permanent pitch in Cornwall, but I put a stop to it when things got broken and we weren’t told. Stuff didn’t get replaced so we would find plates missing, wine drunk, washing up bowl melted where it had been left near burning gas ring. Small irritating things.

Just say “Sorry, no can do” and point them to nearest Go Outdoors camping shop.

We did this too. Things went missing, broken, no one ever told us up front.
In our most recent van the toilet seat is broken and a cupboard door hanging off. Again- no one has mentioned it- and these are our employees and friends staying in it.

jackstini · 19/08/2024 14:33

Definitely tell them

Say, we got it out to check all ok and it is covered in mould from being packed away damp

CF should buy you a new one

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/08/2024 14:37

Thankyou @Picklepepp!
As I was writing it I thought, if only I could go back in time and use my own advice on certain people! I think it's a learning curve. But what's nice is that you've had a lot of affirmation on this thread, which gives one a lot of confidence that you are acting fairly in saying no.

I was also thinking that perhaps your friends didn't do it on purpose, but just didn't know how thorough you have to be...or they could be CFs who rolled their eyes at the instructions for after care and thought it was "good enough," but still means they don't know how to look after a tent though and don't deserve to borrow it again.

The good thing is that you now have a prepared line to trot out for any other requests, without having to think about it. "I'm sorry, we never lend our camping equipment anymore, it's too expensive to replace."

It's easy to see how you got into this situation though, often a request is sprung upon us and its hard to think of a good enough reason on the spot that the asker can't just brush aside. Someone once said to me their rule was, "I say no straight away or ask for time to think whether it's a good idea or not." I was quite taken with that.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 19/08/2024 14:38

Can't tell you the number of people that used to ask to borrow our motorhome, including people we don't know THAT well.. i said no to one neighbour and he said do you need to ask your husband? So that sealed the deal even more lol!

jennylamb1 · 19/08/2024 14:47

As a fellow people are pleaser, I would feel awkward telling them that it was mouldy, however I would happily make excuses as to why you can't lend it out again.

jannier · 19/08/2024 14:59

I was going to say no unless your happy to set it up check it and dry it on return or it will be moldy....but it's too late....
I'd just say sorry we got it out to check before going away ourselves and it's full of mold.

Check your guide ropes they typically snap after mold.

GasPanic · 19/08/2024 15:03

soupfiend · 19/08/2024 10:22

of course not, do you even need to ask

Borrowing once as a one off ok.

Borrowing every year they should probably buy their own.

CountessWindyBottom · 19/08/2024 15:12

Your friend is being a complete and utter CF @Picklepepp!

It was one thing to ask to borrow your tent once and bring it back to you in less than pristine condition but to then ask to borrow it a second time? Surely when she decided that they enjoyed camping, they would invest in their own tent and all the stuff they need for a camping holiday? This is what non CFs do! Has she already booked her camping holiday on the assumption that good old pickles will provide their accommodation again? It's so so cheeky!

You don't have to fall out with her but just say that the tent is now mouldy so you won't be lending it out to anyone going forward as you need it for your own family holidays.

Shiningout · 19/08/2024 15:23

So they want to have camping holidays without having to fork out the money to even buy a tent? That's ridiculously cheeky. It should be your friend feeling embarrassed not you op.

ExhaustedGoose · 19/08/2024 15:49

I don't lend out our camping gear to anyone. Maybe the folding table/windbreaks, something that's easily replaced, but my tent and set up is an extension of my home (in my head) and it's precious kit!

TheNoodlesIncident · 19/08/2024 16:30

AuntieEstablishment · 19/08/2024 10:57

"Sorry, no, we're not lending out the tent any more. If you choose to buy one, remember that it has to be completely dry, including of condensation, before packing. Our tent is mouldy because it was packed away damp when you used it."

This is what I would say. And I would say it even if she doesn't eventually reply, because she might not be aware just how carefully dried it should be. She might have thought that it was good enough and genuinely hasn't realised that even a bit of dampness will be a problem.

I also think that she's being a bit cheeky asking to borrow it a second time. If they've decided they like camping enough to go again, then it's time to buy their own equipment rather than borrowing someone else's. I wouldn't actually say that though, only the "no, and FYI..." part.

Skyrainlight · 19/08/2024 16:36

I would be honest and say it was mouldy and that caused you concerns for lending it out again.

RedHelenB · 19/08/2024 16:39

Skyrainlight · 19/08/2024 16:36

I would be honest and say it was mouldy and that caused you concerns for lending it out again.

This. Although I always put ours our to dry once home before packing it away again. OP should have checked before packing it away for the year.

CornishTiger · 19/08/2024 17:25

@Picklepepp I’ve changed my mind. Send her another text offering for her to buy yours so you can get a new old. Mould free!

MounjaroUser · 19/08/2024 17:31

Just send a message, "Were your ears burning? We were just talking about you because we've checked the tent and it's covered in mould from when you last had it. Sorry, we're not lending it to anyone again."

CalicoPusscat · 20/08/2024 06:38

@Picklepepp have you let her know about the mould?

One way you could put it is that as they enjoyed camping they must want to get their own tent, but they must be careful to dry it fully before packing it back up as your tent hadn't been dried properly and got mouldy

MumChp · 20/08/2024 06:51

They ruined your gear? Of course the answer is no!

tommyhoundmum · 20/08/2024 18:04

No. Borrowers never look after tents like their owners. If they had a garage they should have left it out to dry.

Also inside could be damp from the breathing condensation.

LouDeLou · 20/08/2024 18:06

Namechangeforthis88 · 19/08/2024 10:30

"Listen, the tent is now damaged, but usable, because you didn't take enough care of it last time you borrowed it. You really ought to replace it, then you can have our old one."

Perfect!

Bourbanbiscuit · 20/08/2024 18:09

Never lend camping stuff, no one looks after it like you would yourself. Just no, never, even my air bed came back covered in dog hair and punctured. No never

Girasole02 · 20/08/2024 18:42

I never lend anything our due to so many bad experiences of things being returned broken or not returned at all meaning I have had to ask for them back and then finding pieces missing etc. I just say now 'I don't mean you personally but I have a policy of not lending out my things due to so many bad experiences in the past.' People who actually respect the property of others now sadly seem to be few and far between as you have found out. People will always take if there are those willing to give.