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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

204 replies

Picklepepp · 19/08/2024 10:20

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 20/08/2024 18:58

No, it's covered in mould from last time it was used (yes you) so needs a deep clean when we have time to do it. Xx

pomers · 20/08/2024 19:49

Let them buy their own tent and camping equipment.This is beyond cheeky

Noodles1234 · 20/08/2024 20:21

I’d just say
”sorry, our tent is special to us and we have to take great care of it. We noticed mould when we got it out this year at the campsite and we can’t afford to lose this tent”. You are welcome to add “after you borrowed it we didn’t check it”
I don’t lend mine out for the same reason, we invested too much and people don’t tend to look after things well.

winewolfhowls · 20/08/2024 20:32

It's practically impossible to get mould off a tent and it keep it's waterproof abilities. We tried with fabsil as experienced campers. It did not work. You need a new tent. Your friend needs to pay.

DisabledDemon · 20/08/2024 20:33

britneyisfree · 19/08/2024 10:23

Tell her why. It was mouldy. Simple.

Also - she should offer you some cash to get it fixed.

Also she has money, if it's going to be a regular thing, why can't she buy her own ffs

This.

If they want to borrow it and can't be arsed to return it in a decent state, they don't get to play with it.

PracticalLady · 20/08/2024 20:39

Stand your ground. I wouldn't lend it out, it's too important to you and they didn't take the best care of it last time. Through experience I have found that lending and borrowing stuff is one of the easiest routes to bad feelings and falling out. It is never worth it and if they really are good friends they should understand.

MattSmithsBowTie · 20/08/2024 20:40

You don’t have to lend anything out, ever. If it’s easier just make up a white lie, “My brother in law is lending it that week” or “I’ve lost the tent poles”

lmhj · 20/08/2024 20:47

I would reply

I've just had a think about things and got tent out for you. It's covered in mould from when you borrowed it? Been packed away damp despite your reassurance. If you can replace it with like for like you can certainly borrow the replacement

PotatoPie111 · 20/08/2024 20:59

I think even if it came back in perfect condition I would say no. Borrow once to see if you like camping and if you do, get your own kit!

TheCompactPussycat · 20/08/2024 21:01

PotatoPie111 · 20/08/2024 20:59

I think even if it came back in perfect condition I would say no. Borrow once to see if you like camping and if you do, get your own kit!

This.

Moll2020 · 20/08/2024 21:09

Tell them to buy their own tent.

PorridgeEater · 20/08/2024 21:43

As others have said, no need to lend them the tent.
You could explain it gets mouldy if not properly dried out, and that's difficult to do in your small garden - they should get the message.

browneyes77 · 21/08/2024 10:28

Tell her to buy her own tent!!

Sennelier1 · 21/08/2024 18:59

I think you should tell them you found your tent to be mouldy, and how the wear&tear could impact your only means of going on vacation. If they don't understand they're not real friends. Dor them it's "only" one of several ways of travelling, for you it's the only one and you need to protect it.

AnotherEmma · 22/08/2024 21:08

You were being unreasonable not to check the tent carefully after they returned it.

You were being unreasonable not to tell them that it got mouldy as soon as you realised. If you weren't assertive enough to ask them to clean it or buy you a new tent, you could still have given them the opportunity to offer.

Also, if they are not experienced campers, they might not have realised how important it was to dry out the tent, so tbh you would have been doing them a favour by advising them to do it properly next time, whether they are borrowing a tent or whether they've bought their own.

YANBU to learn your lesson about lending out your expensive tent and not lend it any more. It's just that you need to tell your friend the real reason.

JillMW · 22/08/2024 21:15

Wealthy friends always were asking to borrow my things, clothes, caravan, relatives to stay at my house, car seats goodness knows what and generally returned in a sorry state. One year I had the audacity to ask to borrow a kitchen chair at Christmas, they were going away and I was one short. I was told their chairs were expensive so not possible. I wonder if your friends are like mine, takers not sharers. Say oh sorry no!

CasanovaFrankenstein · 22/08/2024 21:46

They can go to a pre-pitched site if they don't want their own tent.

Casperroonie · 23/08/2024 08:32

Picklepepp · 19/08/2024 10:20

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

They are CF. They need to buy their own. Stick to your guns and don't feel guilty.

Julimia · 24/08/2024 12:15

Not unreasonable. Don't lend it out but tell friend truth why not. Taking care of camping stuff is very important isn't it?

ForUmberFinch · 24/08/2024 20:19

It’s your tent. You don’t need to lend it out. I don’t see why you need to justify your decision. A simple “no, I’m afraid we can’t loan you the tent” would suffice.

Beenthroughit · 25/08/2024 20:35

Don't lend for sure. Daughter's tent was ruined by lending to a friend of hers, she never got the poles back, (and not replaced), she didn't learn and lent something else and again it was wrecked
I don't get that they were inexperienced with camping which meant they didn't know to make sure it was dry before putting it away. You'd not parcel up damp clothing or bedding for the winter in bags would you, as it would go mouldy,why would it be ok to do the same.with something else made out of materials which would go mouldy when damp

Lee198874 · 01/09/2024 19:12

I think u should just give them it and stop being so selfish

PotatoPie111 · 01/09/2024 19:44

Lee198874 · 01/09/2024 19:12

I think u should just give them it and stop being so selfish

did you read OPs post at all. They lent the tent once, they returned it mouldy and you think they should lend it again?
Are you happy to keep lending out items that come back damaged?

OhmygodDont · 01/09/2024 19:46

Lee198874 · 01/09/2024 19:12

I think u should just give them it and stop being so selfish

Aye you hand someone your possibly £600 plus tent who you know doesn’t look after it for the shits and gigs.

Also tents have a shelf life even if perfectly
looked after due to uv rays.

Some tents are over £1,000.

outdamnedspots · 01/09/2024 21:11

Lee198874 · 01/09/2024 19:12

I think u should just give them it and stop being so selfish

🙄🙄🙄 why don't you RTFT?