To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

[Picklepepp]

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

To me if you want camping gear that's not something you borrow.. that's something you go and buy especially if you wanted it two years in a row. You are right to be concerned op. If she doesn't reply it's her issue. You haven't done anything wrong.

If she throws a strop then shrug. Not her tent.

It gets easier the more you practice! It's not about being rude, it's just about having your own fair boundaries and not letting people walk all over you. It sorts the wheat from the chaff too. You'll soon find out who's a real friend and who's a chancer.

This.

we have a decent set up that people have borrowed in the past and something ends up damaged or broken and it upsets me as It’s a lack of respect for my stuff.

If you're not a complete doormat you won't even lend them a peg.

Rule 1 of camping is
NEVER LEND YOUR STUFF
to anybody
ever.

I'd have told her it was mouldy so must have not been dried before folding up. She needs to get her own tent.

No, you're not being unreasonable.
Your friend clearly enjoyed their last trip so it's time for them to invest in their own gear.

I have let others borrow our tent before, but only because they wanted to try camping before they spend loads of money on gear. This was always just for a couple of nights away somewhere local. When it's returned, we have always checked it immediately for any problems or wet bits.

I do think you need to be completely honest though op, and tell your friend that they didn't dry it out properly, which has led to mould. Your friend will be completely unaware of this.

nope would not lend things like no matter what your situation better not to plenty of tents in places like Halfords Go Outdoors etc or 2nd hand odds and ends including tents and equipment in Marketplace

I love this - no one died of being miffed -- that is so true. But agree with other posters, would say borrowing once maybe ok to see if you like it (but would never ask to borrow a tent but may say yes if someone offered) but second time no you buy your own.

Definitely not unreasonable - I would be furious if my tent had come back mouldy because it hadn't been packed away properly. I lent a double airbed to some friends who, on returning from holiday, shoved it into their plastic outdoor storage bin with their kids toys. Asked for it back a couple of months later and it was mouldy and didn't stay inflated anymore!! Last time I lend anything that I cant afford to lose.

I'd consider this option, OP.

She’ll not die of being miffed is my new fave phrase! I will put it to good use next time I’m asked to lend something.
as and aside old friends who hasn’t bothered with me in years despite me have some traumatic events not so much as a text (I know I know she’s not obligated but does show lack of interest/care) has messaged twice in the last year to borrow something. Not cheap things, one thing I saved for and use regularly, the other must stay very clean as is used by my son who is severely immune compromised… I didn’t message back

I'd have bloody said something about the mould -

Sorry hun, the tent was covered in mould when I took it out last time so I'm not lending it out anymore and saving up for a new one.

If you did lend it to them, and I don't think you should, they'll be asking again next year. This is your only option for a holiday and you shouldn't risk it for these cheapskates who've shown they can't be trusted. I mean sheer commonsense would tell you that you can't just pack it up damp.

Given the state of your tent I wouldn’t lend anything else - were the sleeping bags washed and dried? Airbeds are easily punctured.
I think it’s best you say the tent wasn’t dry when they put it away and was mouldy.

@Picklepepp "They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours "

So why on earth are they borrowing your tent? You can buy a decent tent for 100 pounds, what's wrong with these people? If this was my broke teenage son I may lend him the tent but adult friends who are better of than me? No way! They sound incredibly tight. Just tell them the tent is your only means for going on holiday, you want to avoid the wear and tear and don't feel comfortable letting anyone borrow it, any other items you're ok with borrowing just not the tent because it's that one item that really wears and tears.

I left someone my tent when I was about 25. It came back with cigarette burns in the groundsheet. I have never lent anyone any of my outdoor kit again .

I would be furious if my tent had come back mouldy because it hadn't been packed away properly

It didn’t come back mouldy. It was mouldy several months later after having been put away for the winter as it was presumably damp when returned. If OP had taken the tent out to check on its return then it would be ok. The faff of having to do so and then kicking myself for the damaged caused by not doing so would be enough to stop me ever lending though.

"When we looked at it at the stern of the summer it was mouldy, so we don't actually have a tent anymore".

I don't think you ask to borrow other people's camping gear. It's your home away from home. But I'd mention the mould if they ask again. It's one of those no good deed goes unpunished things - really if they want to camp regularly they need to get their own gear. A bit cheeky to ask for yours each year.

I lent my tent to two separate families. When we went to use it we found a hole which somebody had placed parcel tape over to fix it. Nobody had mentioned it. I never loaned it out after that. I would mention lightheartedly the mould and stick to your guns about not loaning the tent again.

Reminds me of a time my 'friend' wanted to borrow an outfit for a wedding - I was going to lend her the stuff I thought was crap anyway - but my sister had to boast and show off her nice stuff. My 'friend' and her sister borrowed my sister's stuff - my sister seems so happy, what a clown.
I went to my 'friend''s house and found the outfits on the floor, trampled over with stuff all over them - served my sister right for showing off and I got to find out what sh*t 'friend' was like.

Posted about this loser person before - no GCSEs, can't drive, husband could'nt wait to get rid, now another thing to add - no respect for other people's s things.

I have loaned my older tent to a fellow scout leader on camp (when I was there) in the past - and I was there to help him pack it properly (not just shove it back in the bag any old way) when striking camp. I normally throw that tent in the boot in case it's needed, as it is still in good nick despite being a decade old and having done more than 20 different camps (scouts and family).

No one gets my good tent (only 3 years old)) as I have seen some issues with the older one due to how others have used it and want this one to last (original is a tunnel but this is a tunnel with a canopy that I can cook under when it rains).

I was taught proper care and maintenance by my girl guide leader back in the day, and reinforced by the long standing leader in scouts who managed our sections' tents, then 15 years old when I started and still functional despite the Cubs best efforts to trash them....the Scouts tents are replaced every couple of years in the Group as their leaders are not so strong on care and maintenance and leave the Scours to manage (or not!) themselves. Some people have no meas (sounds like mass) on what is not theirs, even if they do care about their own things (and many don't even care about that!).

The struggle we have is our garden is actually smaller than the tent, so it wasn’t that easy to get it out, put it up and check it otherwise we probably would have. But she said that they had got it out once they were home and cleaned it so I wrongly assumed this extra effort meant it was done correctly, which I do get is on me and am kicking myself for.