Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not lend tent when it’s our only means of holiday?

204 replies

Picklepepp · 19/08/2024 10:20

So we love going camping, we have quite a good set up with a big 8 man tent. As I am currently not working due to looking after DS who is almost 2, also not being an overly high income anyways, camping is quite often our only means of holiday with our 3 children (DD5, and DSS11).

Our family friends asked to borrow our tent and camping gear for a week camping last year, which we did agree to. They said they had no issues and that they cleaned it for us so didn’t think that we needed to get it out to check it before putting it away for winter, only to get it out at the start of this year to find it covered in mould where it had been put away wet, did my best to clean it all off for us to use this summer. Now they’ve asked to borrow it again and I basically replied saying that I’m a little bit conscious of the wear and tear of the tent being used if lending it out, but they are more then welcome to borrow anything else from our camping stuff. Now she’s not replied which I’m thinking is because she’s a bit miffed off.
They do work hard and so rightly so, go on many holidays a year. Their financial situation is better then ours so obviously this tent is our only means of holiday a lot of the time, so just feel a bit hesitant to lend it out when we can’t afford to replace it, and even if it didn’t get broke, I’m conscious of poles being weakened etc so when we used it then it’d be more prone to breaking.

am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/08/2024 10:42

I wouldn’t lend it in the first place, let alone now.

I agree with others that being a people pleaser always ends badly. It ends with them being pissed off with you half the time so you don’t even achieve those ends!

fruitbrewhaha · 19/08/2024 10:43

Did you tell her it was mouldy?

Fathomless · 19/08/2024 10:43

britneyisfree · 19/08/2024 10:23

Tell her why. It was mouldy. Simple.

Also - she should offer you some cash to get it fixed.

Also she has money, if it's going to be a regular thing, why can't she buy her own ffs

All of this. Seems like it's a regular thing, so they should buy your own. And I would definitely tell her about the mould

RaininSummer · 19/08/2024 10:43

No they can buy their own own. Lending people expensive things usually ends in disaster.

dbeuowlxb173939 · 19/08/2024 10:44

YANBU
They've borrowed your stuff once so if they enjoyed camping they need to buy their own now.
You're right a tent is going to deteriorate a little bit every time it's used so it's not unreasonable to refuse to lend it out for free

itsgettingweird · 19/08/2024 10:45

If they want a tent and camping gear they can buy it.

If you don't mind people borrowing you stuff then id rent it out to people and they helps recover wear and tear costs for you to replace as necessary!

FrenchandSaunders · 19/08/2024 10:45

I lent a friend our camper van and their son pissed in the corner of it. I know accidents happen (although he wasn't a tiny child!), but they didn't even mention it. I'd have been mortified and offered to pay for a proper valet rather than let the owner find out some time later.

Miffylou · 19/08/2024 10:45

People new to camping might not know about not packing up a wet tent. Did you tell her about the mould? If not, it’s understandable that she’s confused/miffed.

But it’s perfectly reasonable for you to say "Sorry, but it’s our only way of having a family holiday so we've decided not to lend it out to anyone, so it will stay in good condition for as long as possible."

MugPlate · 19/08/2024 10:46

Never lend anything you're not prepared to write off completely (including the friendship).

GreyCarpet · 19/08/2024 10:47

I lent a large, expensive tent to someone a few years ago - friends of friends I'd never met. The big diference was that we were all holidaying together (I have many tents!) so I was there to oversee its use.

There is no way I'd lend a tent to someone if I wasn't going to he on the holiday with them for the exact reasons you've said.

There's a sale.on at GoOutdoors at the moment. You can pick up an 8 man tent for around £280. Send them there

I agree with others that being a people pleaser always ends badly. It ends with them being pissed off with you half the time so you don’t even achieve those ends!

Yep. Give some people an inch and all that.

YellowMess · 19/08/2024 10:47

YANBU

I think they were cheeky asking the first time, the second time (now they clearly know they like camping) is taking the piss.

Tents are definitely on my list of things I do not lend (and I have refused to lend in the past). Generally speaking, as your case proves, people who need to borrow a tent tend not to understand how to care for them properly - and general wear and tear/weathering.

You've absolutely done the right thing (and were very kind, perhaps too kind, not to tell her about the mould).

Butterflyfern · 19/08/2024 10:48

Why on earth didn't you tell her it was mouldy?

Chances are, if she's a decent person, she thought that it was either dry enough, or doesn't realise the consequences of putting a damp tent away. So, why wouldn't you say something?

Mind you, I'd probably have got the tent out to check it over when it came back to me anyway tbh. Again, not because I think anything would have deliberately happened, but mistakes happen and it's easier to fix asap. We do this when we've used the tent ourselves as it's not always easy to pack it away in a storage suitable way on a campsite. For example, last year we went away with friends and in the packing up confusion, ended up putting theirs and our tent pegs in our bag. But we found them when we got home and took the tent out to check over and returned them.

OVienna · 19/08/2024 10:48

"Sorry, when we opened it this year we found it was covered in mould so currently not sure if it's usable."

StripeyDeckchair · 19/08/2024 10:48

Tell her why you're not lending out your equipment - you returned the tent damp and mouldy last time so I'm nit going to lend it to you again.

Never lend something you can't afford to loose.
Never trust people when they say everything is OK - check it on return and be firm on requesting replacements if damaged. Tell them, in writing, that this is your expectation and make sure they acknowledge it back to you

CarrieHain · 19/08/2024 10:49

Also tents deteriorate in direct relation to days erected, UV (sun) will gradually rot the fabric. No looking after can prevent that.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 19/08/2024 10:50

agree that you need to tell her they messed up your tent last time and you needed to get it cleaned. Say that it is your only source of holiday so you can’t risk it again.

AllFours · 19/08/2024 10:51

You were very generous to have lent it before, but you don’t need to lend it again! A decent tent isn’t that expensive - if they’ve got the means to purchase one and enjoy camping then they really need to buy their own. Very kind offer to lend all the other gear!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/08/2024 10:51

Namechangeforthis88 · 19/08/2024 10:30

"Listen, the tent is now damaged, but usable, because you didn't take enough care of it last time you borrowed it. You really ought to replace it, then you can have our old one."

Yes I agree with this one

TheCompactPussycat · 19/08/2024 10:52

YANBU. They can buy their own tent if they want one (probably some bargains about now as it's the end of the season).

I rarely lend any of my camping stuff out. Sometimes I think I'm a bit too precious about it, but other people never take the same sort of care of it as I would.

Twiglets1 · 19/08/2024 10:53

I agree with others that if your friend seems “off” about it you will have to gently explain about the mould last time they used it. They probably thought they cleaned it properly so find your attitude strange. If they know the real reason it will hopefully make more sense to them.

LoremIpsumCici · 19/08/2024 10:53

I agree and I would be honest with her. I’d say
“you assured me you had cleaned, dried and packed the tent for me when you returned it, but you must not have as it is all covered in mould now. I’m sorry but I’m not even sure the tent is usable at this point….”

TonTonMacoute · 19/08/2024 10:54

You lent it to them before and they didn't look after it properly.

Why are you worried about offending your CF friends? It's you who should be annoyed.

Borninabarn32 · 19/08/2024 10:54

You don't have to lend anything to anyone. It's yours, you don't have to share. That includes all your other camping stuff.

Tell them it came back damaged last time and you don't want to have to fix it up again. They should know they impacted you.

Lots of people don't know how to look after camping stuff, it is not something I'd ever lend out tbh

DumDeeDoh · 19/08/2024 10:55

I have a tent and would not lend it to anyone, as they won't treat it correctly, Which they have already demonstrated. Tents are very delicate and can be easily wrecked. They should buy their own, and you don't need to justify yourself to them.

RaspberryBeretxx · 19/08/2024 10:55

Yanbu. You gave them a chance last year and the tent was put away wet.

also, fair enough to borrow a tent to test if their family like camping but if they want to camp annually or regularly then they need to buy their own tent!

We camp and have had 1 tent totally ruined through high winds and one needed new air beams. They can be delicate, it’s not like lending a house!