He said if I don't trust him enough to do this then ....

[Springstomind]

Partner has been asking me to send him a naked photo of myself. We have been together for a year, we don't live together. He says I want "my photo" and brings it up a lot. I have been brushing it off etc and recently told him that I don't want to risk a naked photo of myself to get out in the public as you just never know these days.
His response was that if I don't trust him with a naked photo of myself then I shouldn't trust him enough to have sex with.

Aibu?

Have you ever heard the "Tea as Consent" analogy?

You've agreed to tea, you like the tea, you often suggest making the tea.

OP has said no to tea. Her OH is trying to force her to drink it. To coerce her into drinking it.

Enthusiastic tea drinking is the only time someone should drink tea.
Anyone suggesting it's wrong that someone doesn't want tea, is thoroughly outrageous.

Thank you everyone. I have read all comments. It has become a bit of an obsession with him and it makes me wonder why he wants a photo so much when he can have it in person. A few things just seem a bit off, otherwise I would have sent him one but cropped my face out. Plus I don't think he has built enough trust up now that he mentions it.

If you want a way out of this that doesn't involve saying "I don't trust you", see my comment on the last page about security.

Do you trust all the devices it has to go through to get to him? Do you trust the repair staff if either of your phones needs to be fixed and you forget to delete everything (or miss one)? Do either of you have DropBox, Google Drive, iCloud etc installed?

It's a lot more complicated than "you can trust me".

Sounds like a fuck boy to me

This is exactly what all coercive blackmailing sextortionists say to their girlfriends. He will use the photo to control you. Be very very very wary of this man.

So tell him he is right! Then don’t have sex with him and tell him to F off! That would be a red flag to me and you instinctively know it’s not right or you wouldn’t even be asking the question!

Dont even think about it. Just say NO. It sounds a bit perverse/sinister to me.

Throw him back!

He wants the photograph to pass around to his mates with a bragging comment. He's a creep and you'd be better to dump him.

People DO do sexting etc. Doesn't mean you have to if you don't want to.

What I don't understand, if you have a sexual relationship why do you need to SEND him a pic? Can't you take some during your next session, ones you're both happy with?

No and No and No should be the answer - give into that and what else will be asked for. Watch your drinks going forward.

Lose the loser… this is 🚩 beyond all read flags! Why the gell does he need a naked photo??? That’s just bloody odd!

OP, he's a total creep.
It is beyond stupid of women to do this.
Once you send that photo it could end up anywhere and does.
That he is putting so much pressure on you is seriously creepy.

The sound of him makes my skin crawl.
I bet others are right, he would 100% be showing that off.

He's a sleazy creepy.

You shouldn’t have to say no to that more than once. Does he not know how to deal with the answer ‘no’? Do you ever say no to other things.

So this is the type who coerces using language like 'if you trusted me you'd....' and 'if you really loved me you'd do a bj/threesome/anal..'

Plus - isn't it illegal to send (or receive/have on your phone) sexually provocative photos? Either sex?

If he can’t respect your wishes get rid. He’ll keep pushing your boundaries, it’s utterly disrespectful to demand naked photos. If he can’t respect the fact that you said no and keeps trying to manipulate you into sending him one he’s definitely the type to share it.

This. If there is, clear the lot (remember the recycle bin too)!
And be aware there may be pictures from other women he may have been talking to.

Hard no.

Exactly NO means NO.
Get rid op.. he's a creep.

You have to be kidding me!

This is a big red flag. He has no right to emotionally blackmail you into sending nude photos. Once it is out there you will never get it back!

A girl I went to school with let her boyfriend take naked photos of her after he manipulated her into it. She found out she was added to a huge collection and this was before digital photos - so he had thousands of prints.

Do NOT agree to this!

No. One day (probably in the not too distant future) he will become your ex - and then he'll have that photo.

I'd tell him I want MY pic of him first, then post it all over the internet, with a message saying THIS is why I don't want you having MY pic, do you get it now???

Tell him you agree.

Therefore he is dumped.

Eww! I would have dumped this creep long before now.

You can do better than this @Springstomind

I've been with my husband nearly 20 years and I wouldn't send him a picture like that. He's asked, I said no, I'm not comfortable with that. He can see me in real life.