He said if I don't trust him enough to do this then ....

[Springstomind]

Partner has been asking me to send him a naked photo of myself. We have been together for a year, we don't live together. He says I want "my photo" and brings it up a lot. I have been brushing it off etc and recently told him that I don't want to risk a naked photo of myself to get out in the public as you just never know these days.
His response was that if I don't trust him with a naked photo of myself then I shouldn't trust him enough to have sex with.

Aibu?

Dump him. Dump him now. There’s 2 things here. Firstly he wouldn’t put this much pressure on if he respected you. Secondly, there is something in your gut telling you not to do this because you don’t trust this guy. I have been there. My ex asked me to and I said no way and we were 5 years together and I never once sent a naked photo. With my husband, I sent him lingerie photos after a few months together because I trusted and trust him with my whole heart. He never ever asked and wouldn’t ever ask. When you know you know.

You have a boundary, which he is pressurising you to cross. DON'T do it. This emotional blackmail would make me question the relationship. Disrespectful of him.

He sounds like a teenage boy.

Nonsikelelo Nxumalo (@cookingwithnonsi) • Instagram photos and videos
if you are a man why do you need a photo of my chicken?

Be careful I heard a documentary on radio 4 where men are on these vile sites trade pictures of their female partners. They are depressingly widespread.

NO! NO! NO! What age is he ....15?????

Politely tell him to fuck off.

Another one with a poor grasp of logic.

Just dump him OP. I have been married 17 years. And mu DH would never suggest such a stupid thing. Even if he had no intention to do.anuthing with it,.it could still get into the hands of someone else. Hacked phone, lost/stolen phone. Friend uses phone etc.

Never ever send such images to anyone!

Years ago, before the Internet thank God, I allowed a boyfriend of 18months to take topless photos of me. I trusted him implicitly. Guess what? They were passed around the pub. I only found out a whole later and was mortified. Luckily I had the negatives so destroyed them and the photos. If you don't want to do it OP then stick to your guns. I would seriously be reconsidering this relationship if he is trying to emotionally blackmail you; he doesn't respect your boundaries.

Well done for shaming anyone who doesn’t want to send naked pictures of themselves (“dead below the waist”, really? Grow up) instead of being able to see that the OP is allowed to set her own boundaries.

Suggesting that people are frigid if naked pictures aren’t part of their sex life is as stupid as the OP’s boyfriend saying if she isn’t comfortable sending him nudes she shouldn’t be comfortable even having sex with him.

It’s a very weird comment to make. He shouldn’t use the words “I want my photo”

Maybe this is what he’s used to though and he’s worded it absolutely horrifically ! If you’ve been together a year and this is the only bump I’d talk to him about it and explain why it really puts you about. You obviously don’t have to explain yourself, but a year is quite some time and he might not understand.

You do have to set boundaries, in any relationship. It’s okay to do that. If he keeps on asking then yeah he’s not cool.

You shouldn't trust someone enough to have sex with them if they can't respect a simple and healthy decision that you've made about your own body.

Absolutely not, and it doesn't even have to be about trusting him.

Once you take a photo on your phone, you're gambling with it. If you have backups set up (which most do), then it's being uploaded to a service that you don't fully control and could leak, but even if you don't, then you have to be 100% sure of the device's security - and that you're never going to lose it.

Then you send it to him. It travels through at least two separate cloud services, where it's also stored.

Of course, then it gets to his device, which is also probably backed up to the cloud. And you have to be 100% sure of his security too.

By the time it gets to him, it's on at least six devices, only one of which is fully under your control.

Anybody who sends nudes is either clinically insane or wilfully ignorant.

Just don't.

He is coercive, which is a stop on the way to abusive.

Get rid of him.

I have never and would never send a naked picture of myself to anyone the idea is ridiculous, an overused but necessary expression, get rid

Well you would appear to be dead from the neck up.

Do you genuinely not understand that just because you enjoy something, someone else might not - would you apply this logic to anal sex or group sex ?

Do you genuinely think that sending nudes is key to a great sex life for everyone? Again would you apply this logic to any other sexual practice?

Do you genuinely not understand that materials shared online aren’t terribly secure?

Absolute no. Complete turn off to keep asking.

Absolutely this!

I think your dp needs a Noddy explanation about boundaries and how they are nothing to do with the other person really but all about your own personal integrity and where you set your limits op.

If he doesn't respect and understand that then you can send him a picture of his packed suitcase by the front door.

And no way would I send a naked picture of myself to anyone even if their profession was cyber security. Phones get stolen and lost every day!

It’s not ridiculous to everyone, it does happen. Bit close minded there ?!

The point is he needs to accept the OP’s boundaries and understand them, they’d been together a year - one shitty comment can mean they need to talk not get rid.

Hope you are okay @Springstomind

You already thought you probably weren't being taken unreasonable or else you wouldn't in have posted but it may be a bit overwhelming to see the replies

He's determined to break boundaries, and it won't end there if you give in. He's an abuser. Get rid of him now.

End it. He should not be forcing you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with and your boundary and saying no should be enough. Regardless of whether you trust him you are entitled to not want to. He sounds horrible.

This is so sleazy and manipulative. Do not do it. He's now shown his true colours and he clearly doesn't respect your boundaries. He's not the man for you.
This is not just a red flag, it's a giant red stoplight.

Sometimes I think people come onto these threads, without paying attention to the real issue in the post they are responding to, for the purpose of bleating some smug, self-involved bullshit and trying to shame others for not having the same feelings as them.
I'm sure I must be imagining that.