He said if I don't trust him enough to do this then ....

[Springstomind]

Partner has been asking me to send him a naked photo of myself. We have been together for a year, we don't live together. He says I want "my photo" and brings it up a lot. I have been brushing it off etc and recently told him that I don't want to risk a naked photo of myself to get out in the public as you just never know these days.
His response was that if I don't trust him with a naked photo of myself then I shouldn't trust him enough to have sex with.

Aibu?

If it's not something you're comfortable with, tell him straight you're not doing it so stop asking. If he doesn't like it he can f off! It's not right that he is pestering you but you need to make it very clear that it's not something you will ever do.

Don’t let him manipulate you, you will regret it. This would be a deal breaker for me, I couldn’t be with someone who tried to pressure me into doing something I wasn’t comfortable with.

The difference is you wanted to do it. Would you say the same if he wanted anal or BDSM ? Just unclench?

OP doesn't want to do it. She said no. He's insisting and emotionally blackmailing her. Nothing to do with sex drives.

I have been with my DH for over 20 years and I still would not send him a photo of me nude because 1. It's not something I feel comfortable with. 2. Photos can leak ; Phone getting stolen/lost/hacked. (I'm sure my 44 year old body wouldn't be highly sought after but that's another story😅)

DH has never asked me for one, not in the beginning either. I think I would have reconsidered his intentions with our relationship if hé would have asked. Why a nude photo when you get it irl? To show a friend ? Or even worse?

Tell him that him asking is not respecful and it makes you feel dirty. What's next, a blowjob in a parking lot to "prove" you really love him?

Every time he pressures you he is reinforcing that he doesn't actually respect consent. The more he asks, the more you know you cant trust him unfortunately.

You can always tell him that you do trust him and just don't want to run the risk of hacking or if his phone gets stolen... but plan A should really be to dump him.

"The fact you're trying to coerce and manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do shows I shouldn't be having sex with you."

This, from a pp, is your answer

“I want my photo”. Urgh. He sounds like a whiny toddler. I would never be able to contemplate sex with someone who thought he was entitled to a naked picture.
Fuck him off and find an adult.

Good for you if sending naked pictures of yourself to your husband helps your sex life. More power to you.

OP is not comfortable sending naked pictures of herself to her boyfriend. Nothing to unclench, nothing unreasonable, just a valid choice. And more power to her for standing by that choice.

Just him asking would be enough to make me dump him.

Never put anything out there that you wouldn't be happy with your grandmother seeing.

He's so right. You don't want to have sex with someone who disregards your boundaries like that.

You're well rid of him, glad that he showed his true colours before you became committed to him.

@Blondiebeachbabe

I would say unclench and have some fun! Sounds like he wants to wank to a pic of you instead of porn

That’s great if you’re ok with it but not everyone wants to be a wank bullseye and that’s also OK.

If the OP has said no he needs to respect her wishes and stop whining as if he is entitled to it.

You would be breaching the communications act

Gross.

This. Absolutely 100% this.

The issue isn't really about the picture itself. He just doesn't respect that you have already said NO to the pic. It could be absolutely anything else you don't feel comfortable about but he doesn't respect your wishes. That's the real issue here. Get rid asap. One year is nothing, it's experience so better to find out now. Just don't get pregnant by this dick. Get rid asap.

He's right, actually.

You shouldn't have sex with him, you should dump his skeevy, blackmailing arse right now.

Well done for having enough respect for yourself.
It's not his photo...it's your body, to do with as you choose don't be bullied into sending him nude pics of yourself.

Well that's great for you as you want to send the pics to DH. The OP doesn't want to. There is nothing to "unclench" and you are suggesting that the OP is uptight because she wants to protect her privacy and most importantly doesn't actually want to send this kind of picture to her boyfriend (soon to be ex hopefully).

Incredibly gaslighting thing to say.

turn it around on you

you are perfectly able to choose to not send a photo. Just like you are perfectly able to not do a weird kink

same thing.

don’t let him control you into doing it

Old enough to have more sense!!

Not wanting to share naked pics doesn't equate to being "dead below the waist" ffs!! Hope your DH never breaks your faith...

If she doesn't want to do this, she doesn't have to! She shouldn't be coerced into doing something she's not comfortable with, no matter how cool and alternative you think you are!

Why would he want a photo of you naked?

I wouldn't trust him enough to have sex with. Plus the ongoing "I want my photo" nagging, even if it were for something benign, would put me off as I don't date children.

I’m going to go against the grain here. Sometimes I think mumsnet is full of people who are dead below the waist. I’ve sent my DH naked pics. I have a high sex drive and I think this keeps things exciting.

Sounds like you want to send him nude photos, so not relevant to the question the OP is asking.

I’d block and move on with my life. The trust has gone.

He's a sleaze and a creep.
I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.
I would get the Ick.
Listen to your gut.
No photo.
No sex.
Dump him.