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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
WobblyBoots · 17/08/2024 19:04

llamajohn · 17/08/2024 18:54

Kids dropped on you all day without notice or asking are a fucking nuisance. A toddler and. 5 year old, and then an older semi-independent 9yo?
You have to keep the peace, make sure they've got sunscreen, read to them, make sure they've not drowning in the pool, sort out snacks, make sure they'vre drinking enough, herd them into the canteen, getting the little ones food and making sure they don't go AWOL, checking they're where they're supposed to be, keeping them in shade where needed etc. all while their parents have fucked off and left them for the day.

Exactly! I have three of very similar ages and I don't leave them all with my DM for a whole day because it's hard going. And every day for a weeks holiday!?

I would absolutely not be up for this holiday!

2chocolateoranges · 17/08/2024 19:04

This is the reason I’d never go on holidays with others or accept a “free” holiday because they tend to come with expectations and someone always wants to be in control.

your sister sounds incredibly selfish and controlling, she should have explained the free holiday comes with strings.

BreadInCaptivity · 17/08/2024 19:04

The having paid for dinner is a red herring.

They just want you in the resort for childcare.

They a bloody cheeky going out every day but not allowing anyone else to explore.

In this situation a couple of days/evenings for them to have some couple time is fine, but abdicating parenting every day and evening is really rude of them.

Personally I'd be tempted to arrange for all the family except them to go out for the day and evening so they spend at least some time with their own kids.

Upshot is she's pissed off you didn't do her bidding and called her out on using your mum but tbh you're all enabling this crap.

Emptyheadlock · 17/08/2024 19:04

Make a fucking rota? For them to watch someone else's kids?

Parrish · 17/08/2024 19:05

You’ve been had….your sister and her DH should have been upfront about the baby sitting

HeyJackKerouac · 17/08/2024 19:06

Did your DSis and her new husband go out for their usual 6 hour day trip while you were out, leaving just your DPs and brother on childcare duties? Maybe they had a tricky time of it without you and then by the time you got back, resentment has kicked in, a few drinks had been had and they all ganged up on you.

YANBU in any way. A holiday with strings attached is no holiday.

Viviennemary · 17/08/2024 19:06

They are using you as unpaid baby sitters. They are the cheeky ones.

BreadInCaptivity · 17/08/2024 19:07

Emptyheadlock · 17/08/2024 19:04

Make a fucking rota? For them to watch someone else's kids?

Exactly.

I'd say with the 5 days/evening's childcare they've already had they've done pretty well already.....

Raree · 17/08/2024 19:07

Yanbu, but holiday with extended family rarely works, we went to a villa once with various family,NEVER again, fucking sulking teenagers, people that paid for villa having expectations cos they paid naaah fuck that you've had a lesson op, nothing is ever free, they paid for you to come for the childcare, cheeky gets.

Weiredeout · 17/08/2024 19:08

Sounds like your dad thought you would be main childcare.

A 4yo and toddler isnt that much only really needs one of your group at a time

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/08/2024 19:09

Your sister has been really cheeky to treat you all as the paid help. The only thing you could have done differently was to let your parents and brother know that you were planning to go out for the day. Making an announcement at breakfast didn't really give them time to decide whether they'd like to come with you, or who was going to look after the kids!

A better plan would have been for you, your DH, your parents and your brother to get up early and just go out for the day. And leave them to look after their own kids!!

Berlinlover · 17/08/2024 19:10

Your sister and brother in law are the cheeky ones expecting other people to look after the children they chose to have.

Jellybeanbag · 17/08/2024 19:11

Doseofreality · 17/08/2024 18:02

just tell her you didn’t realise the holiday came with a clause of temporary hostage status.

😂

Your sister is being very unreasonable. So they get to leave the kids in safe hands and go out, but you all have to stay in the resort and babysit. No thanks. I'd go out again tomorrow and take your parents with you.

MumChp · 17/08/2024 19:11

Migraine. I would get a migraine or tommy ache.
Watch some Netflix in my bed and relax. Maybe walk out a backdoor of the resort for some sightseeing.

Other people's children are not my responsibility. I don't mind helping but you don't walk out abd expect me to care for 3 children under 10 yo. No way.

It isn't such a generous holiday having paid the flights yourself that you can be expected to provide daily childcare. At all.

CeruleanBelt · 17/08/2024 19:11

So none of these kids are even yours?

She should have told you all that you are there as unpaid childcare so you could have made a decision of whether to go or not.

Does your sister usually get her own way? I'm sensing a golden child.

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 19:12

So there was tension even before we left for the day because when I suggested 9 year old nephew would probably enjoy where we were planning to go, Dsis just said “Nah, he’s happy enough here.” and we didn’t even get to ask him. I was hurt by that. And as I said, later on when we got back he was showing an interest in where we’d been and it made it all very awkward.

OP posts:
BeanCountingContinues · 17/08/2024 19:12

Emptyheadlock · 17/08/2024 19:04

Make a fucking rota? For them to watch someone else's kids?

Unfortunately that is the situation OP finds herself in. Because if all the adults don't step up and take turns, it will fall to Mum which would be totally unfair.

Yes Dsis and BIL are assholes. But DB's girlfriend (I said DSIL before) is pregnant and needs rest, and DF and DB are being useless men.

OP could try and arrange for DF, DM, DB, and DB'GF to sneak out for the day with her, leaving DSIS with her own children, but I doubt Mum would agree to do this. So the only way to rescue her parent's rare and special holiday abroad is to do a rota, so that at least DM and DF have some semblance of a holiday.

OP has to step in now for her Mum's sake, and never ever forgive DSis or forget this.

Wouldhavebeenproficient · 17/08/2024 19:12

So she's allowed to leave the resort but you're not?

chuckingfarities · 17/08/2024 19:12

Bloody hell ... did she see you all as the flipping nanny? Absolutely not on for her and dh to do this. That'd royally piss me off. Your time can't be bought. Why on earth would she try this on?!

Scorchio84 · 17/08/2024 19:13

YADNBU! This all should have been explained before hand & if it had been you all could have made plans about who takes a day each or something, your poor mam being left in the room
This could have been so easily decided about & planned for if they'd just been honest

mrlistersgelfbride · 17/08/2024 19:15

YANBU.
Your sister has 3 kids. She should look after them or be upfront about trying to sort childcare with you before the holiday. It's so bloody cheeky to blackmail other people into free babysitting.
I feel sorry for your mum, poor woman is getting a raw deal out of this.

bloomingbonkerz · 17/08/2024 19:17

Cheeky sods

Londonrach1 · 17/08/2024 19:18

Yanbu. ..they are totally cf. Even if they paid for the holiday. If you were paid staff you get time off. You not a nanny. Tomorrow take your dm and df, bil and pregnant sil and go out. They need to step up and parent your DS and dbil. Shocked. Your poor mum stuck in A resort not able to see the country.

RedRobyn2021 · 17/08/2024 19:19

YANBU

Zanatdy · 17/08/2024 19:19

You’re not unreasonable, they are for not adding the fact you’d be looking after their 3 kids all day in exchange for them paying for the holiday. It would have been easier if they’d have just gone on honeymoon and you’d all shared the childcare at home